Thursday, May 24, 2007
Saturday, May 19, 2007
Rumbling & offload
It has been 4 months since I left UK. Time flies and being here in Msia, with a rat race life style, time is moving extremely fast. Believe it or not, I don’t even have time to write down my thots as I used to do before be it in my blog or in my personal journal. Sometimes I wonder, am I really too buzy running around? Indeed yes I am. During weekdays, at least 2 hours of my time is spent on the road everyday. My schedule is filled-up with work load more and more. Well, that is what I am paid for. I have no complain but I enjoy being able to contribute.
Now that lil man finished his exam and big man is on road to recover from his recent hospitalization, I spend more time to focus on work & expectation out of it, catching up with what I had left for many years. Loads of thinking and recalling on technical matters. Hence, by the time I reach home everyday, I am mentally and physically shut down. As far as work is concerned, I am preparing myself for leadership opportunity for possible Technical Management line and also Technical path interview very soon. I have to move on, even with a little step ahead.
To ponder…
It is important in our day to day lives that we create memories of success and achievement through celebrating our success, no matter how small.
Now that lil man finished his exam and big man is on road to recover from his recent hospitalization, I spend more time to focus on work & expectation out of it, catching up with what I had left for many years. Loads of thinking and recalling on technical matters. Hence, by the time I reach home everyday, I am mentally and physically shut down. As far as work is concerned, I am preparing myself for leadership opportunity for possible Technical Management line and also Technical path interview very soon. I have to move on, even with a little step ahead.
To ponder…
It is important in our day to day lives that we create memories of success and achievement through celebrating our success, no matter how small.
Every time we make progress, however tiny, we have overcome the fear, doubt, anxiety or limiting belief that was previously holding us back.
During recent mother’s day, both of my man presented me a book entitled “now, discover your strengths” by Marcus Buckingham. (Thanks darling, I love both of you so much!). I have read till chapter 3 and supposed to do “strengthfinder profile” before proceed further. Will continue to finish the book this weekend. The purpose is to find where we have the greatest potential for strength. The book is stressed more on natural talent being the most important element in strength. Another two element are knowledge and skill which can be acquired. Yes, I am revisiting my strength ….
My earlier voyage is still not completed. It hunted me in my dream and everytime when I in the mood to proceed but something else need my attention...sigh. Not that I gave up, I never give up because I can see through now that one day it will be mine. When I am in that mode, my energy drain out and my behavior change…I am in different world and only my own world. But there is no other way out but to complete it. What I don’t understand is that everytime I am in that mode, something would happen to my family…i.e. my big man being hospitalized for the second time since I am back and my lil man with his tantrum & school rejection. That totally make me come back to reality and deal with matter in hand first. Maybe it is just a test from HIM to make me see through …I accept it even if I felt and wonder a lot in my mind why so much obstacle that I have to go through. It was very difficult to describe the feeling and emotion in words. Nevertheless, I keep accepting and keep building strength in me.
Since I was back, I had made a plan and proceed with income protection insurance scheme to protect myself and family in the event of my death or total disability. In a way, it forces me to put aside money rather than spending unnecessarily. As you know I am the big spender culprit especially when I am under stress!
I must stop my rumbling now before it become too crowded. Me offload my brain content..
During recent mother’s day, both of my man presented me a book entitled “now, discover your strengths” by Marcus Buckingham. (Thanks darling, I love both of you so much!). I have read till chapter 3 and supposed to do “strengthfinder profile” before proceed further. Will continue to finish the book this weekend. The purpose is to find where we have the greatest potential for strength. The book is stressed more on natural talent being the most important element in strength. Another two element are knowledge and skill which can be acquired. Yes, I am revisiting my strength ….
My earlier voyage is still not completed. It hunted me in my dream and everytime when I in the mood to proceed but something else need my attention...sigh. Not that I gave up, I never give up because I can see through now that one day it will be mine. When I am in that mode, my energy drain out and my behavior change…I am in different world and only my own world. But there is no other way out but to complete it. What I don’t understand is that everytime I am in that mode, something would happen to my family…i.e. my big man being hospitalized for the second time since I am back and my lil man with his tantrum & school rejection. That totally make me come back to reality and deal with matter in hand first. Maybe it is just a test from HIM to make me see through …I accept it even if I felt and wonder a lot in my mind why so much obstacle that I have to go through. It was very difficult to describe the feeling and emotion in words. Nevertheless, I keep accepting and keep building strength in me.
Since I was back, I had made a plan and proceed with income protection insurance scheme to protect myself and family in the event of my death or total disability. In a way, it forces me to put aside money rather than spending unnecessarily. As you know I am the big spender culprit especially when I am under stress!
I must stop my rumbling now before it become too crowded. Me offload my brain content..
From AM's mind,
May 19, 3:18 am
Friday, May 11, 2007
Been too BZ running
Been too BZ running between Lil man's school, Big man's hospital, office, student examiner task at hotel and house giving me no chance to download my draft entry in my brain.
One of my wish lists is to have some kind of recorder attached directly from my brain and translating into words then I can automatically post the N3. I had seen in TV the R&D on this type of future technology.
Emmm... life is too much depending on technology nowdays.
Anyway, let me wish:
HAPPY Mother's Day to every mother, mother's to be and all woman out there
...keep moving and stay strong!
One of my wish lists is to have some kind of recorder attached directly from my brain and translating into words then I can automatically post the N3. I had seen in TV the R&D on this type of future technology.
Emmm... life is too much depending on technology nowdays.
Anyway, let me wish:
HAPPY Mother's Day to every mother, mother's to be and all woman out there
...keep moving and stay strong!
Sunday, May 06, 2007
Life that is...
Life has been a struggle for me...sometimes too many tests which I could not cope. And hence make me burst out when I am alone. I am so afraid to stay alone too long. But the good thing is that I am good with on and off button...I am better at letting the emotion invade me and then let it go far far away fast enough before it drag me too far.
Now, I am back to "bertapa" mode at office when no one around...me and my brain and my novel. But I found it a bit depressing. Could be because of my hormone swing and also I had not taken ganoderma for almost a week now. And I left home to office today with not so peace of mind. With my lil man's "not so very pleasant behaviour" and tantrum drive me crazy. Sometimes I donno what to do. My patient been tested all the time. At time I do feel that I want to leave everything else in life just to focus on his development.
Much I wanted to share in this blog about what I had been through in the last few months. The exciting and sad stories. But, everytime I sit in front of PC, I don't even know how to put it in words..then I just forget it. Maybe it is best not to write about it at this moment. Sometimes it is much easier to speak about it...
We have been very serious on cycling. Reaching 10 km per trip..up and down the hill... Everytime we stretch the limit. Have not yet shift route to FRIM. Maybe after lil man finish his exam.
Life is on the fast again...back to rat race...life that is!
Now, I am back to "bertapa" mode at office when no one around...me and my brain and my novel. But I found it a bit depressing. Could be because of my hormone swing and also I had not taken ganoderma for almost a week now. And I left home to office today with not so peace of mind. With my lil man's "not so very pleasant behaviour" and tantrum drive me crazy. Sometimes I donno what to do. My patient been tested all the time. At time I do feel that I want to leave everything else in life just to focus on his development.
Much I wanted to share in this blog about what I had been through in the last few months. The exciting and sad stories. But, everytime I sit in front of PC, I don't even know how to put it in words..then I just forget it. Maybe it is best not to write about it at this moment. Sometimes it is much easier to speak about it...
We have been very serious on cycling. Reaching 10 km per trip..up and down the hill... Everytime we stretch the limit. Have not yet shift route to FRIM. Maybe after lil man finish his exam.
Life is on the fast again...back to rat race...life that is!
Sunday, April 29, 2007
Red is LOVE
MERAH ITU CINTA (Red is LOVE)
Pernah ku tertanya
Warna yang manakah
Meronai cinta
Dalam kehidupanku
Dulu ku rasakan
Malam kebiruan
Disulami rindu
Hamparan kehijauan
Segalanya kebahagiaan
Nyata sudah kemerahan
Warna ceritaku melayari
Harapan
Merah itu cinta
Sukar digambarkan
Tanda pengorbanan
Yang tak terhingga
Merah itu rindu
Hanya aku tahu
Tanda kesetiaan pada yang dicinta
Pertama kali ku mengenali
Selamanya aku rasai
Namun ku tahu
Keranamu jua
Terus ku hirup makna yang indah ini
Namun ku tahu
Keranamu jua
Terus ku simpan anugerah tak ternilai
Merah itu cinta
Sukar digambarkan
Tanda pengorbanan
Yang tidak terhingga
Merah itu rindu
Hanya aku tahu
Tanda kesetiaan pada yang benarku damba
Merah itu cinta
Sukar digambarkan
Tanda pengorbanan
Yang tidak terhingga
Pertama kali ku mengenali
Selamanya aku rasai
View from hospital's room
Lil man playing sick on big man's hospital bed..We are off for a short holiday down south... May you enjoy your holiday too
Till then..
Sunday, April 22, 2007
New activity - cycling & the brain
It has been a very hectic weekdays for me...several dinner with office colleage and friends, participated in workshop, went to a concert and attending to the lil man's current donwannagotoschool syndrome etc etc...
My weekend is spent to recover ..
Note:
At office I started my day by reading some motivational article, books or phrases. It is equivalent to taking coffee or tea to stimulate brain. I guess, driving from home to office at 120 km/hr for 40 - 50 minutes intermittently with a slow drive does drain out part of my brain energy. A jump start for the brain is a must when I need to focus on writing during day time. It is alright if I have discussion or meeting.
I pay loads of attention on the state of my brain to balance out with physical fitness. I am really “bersyukur” to Allah that I am blessed with a strong physical fitness at this moment of time. And I pray that it will be forever..
My weekend is spent to recover ..
Cycling has been our family's latest activities...to keep healthy and build stamina. I sweat a lot. More stamina and strength.
To date, we didn't go very far yet as far as distance is concerned...just within our housing area and nearby area. Later, we plan to be in FRIM cycling track.
Will keep cycling and go as far as we can ...
Note:
At office I started my day by reading some motivational article, books or phrases. It is equivalent to taking coffee or tea to stimulate brain. I guess, driving from home to office at 120 km/hr for 40 - 50 minutes intermittently with a slow drive does drain out part of my brain energy. A jump start for the brain is a must when I need to focus on writing during day time. It is alright if I have discussion or meeting.
I pay loads of attention on the state of my brain to balance out with physical fitness. I am really “bersyukur” to Allah that I am blessed with a strong physical fitness at this moment of time. And I pray that it will be forever..
Monday, April 16, 2007
Hi BIG BOY...part 1
It was Friday, 23 March 2007. I was with my sister (the youngest in family) during her battle to deliver her third baby. It was all Allah planned for. My mom was not well at that time. So she was in kampung. After attending to my mom and had a short visit back to hometown with my lil man, I had to rush back for those in KL. The earlier story is here.
My big man was hospitalised and my sister was about to deliver anytime. Being the eldest in my family, I have to juggle between all. Alhamdullilah, with God given strength, I managed to handle these challenges came to me at the same time.
I was the one who sort of provoke my sister to get pregnant while she is still young. Seing her not having so much of a problem, I suggested her to have more. She told me that her other half and her are not financially stable and adequate to support many children at this time. But I stressed to her not to give that reason. If so, I told her ..."you deliver and I will take care as my own".
As God wish, she was pregnant soon after our conversation.... That conversation lingering into my mind as I hold her hand and caressed her hair while she was intensely in pain during the battle. Deep in my heart, some guilty feeling I felt seeing her suffer and I can't imagine how much pain she had to bare. This is because I had no experience of such pain when my lil man came to this world. Nevertheless, she managed to get through it and I was there with her. All the pain was gone as soon as the baby came out.
This little cute baby boy, 3.4 kg, came to the world just after Friday prayer ended. He was crying outloud while the nurses cleaning him. I asked permission from Doctor to take his picture just after about 10 minutes of his arriving in this world.
What amazed me was my first communication with the baby. And he responded to my voice.
Me: " Hi BIG boy"
Him: Continue crying
Me: " Hi BIG boy"
Him: Stop crying and listen
Me: " Hi BIG boy"
Him: Open his eyes to see where is the sound come from.
Me: " Hi BIG boy" and I took more of his pictures when he was in calm state.
In my mind: On my God, he is responding to my voice. He stopped crying upon hearing me calling him. Amazing...
After everything was settled, I reflected and I realised that I should have greeted him with "Assalamualaikum" ...but but..what can I say...only "Hi BIG boy" came from my brain and mouth at that time.
Here he is...baby Muhammad Alif Haikal...
He stopped crying
He was looking at me upon hearing my voice
I was holding him the next day when he was ready to come home. My lil man placed his dino on the baby. At the background is the baby's brother.
My big man was hospitalised and my sister was about to deliver anytime. Being the eldest in my family, I have to juggle between all. Alhamdullilah, with God given strength, I managed to handle these challenges came to me at the same time.
I was the one who sort of provoke my sister to get pregnant while she is still young. Seing her not having so much of a problem, I suggested her to have more. She told me that her other half and her are not financially stable and adequate to support many children at this time. But I stressed to her not to give that reason. If so, I told her ..."you deliver and I will take care as my own".
As God wish, she was pregnant soon after our conversation.... That conversation lingering into my mind as I hold her hand and caressed her hair while she was intensely in pain during the battle. Deep in my heart, some guilty feeling I felt seeing her suffer and I can't imagine how much pain she had to bare. This is because I had no experience of such pain when my lil man came to this world. Nevertheless, she managed to get through it and I was there with her. All the pain was gone as soon as the baby came out.
This little cute baby boy, 3.4 kg, came to the world just after Friday prayer ended. He was crying outloud while the nurses cleaning him. I asked permission from Doctor to take his picture just after about 10 minutes of his arriving in this world.
What amazed me was my first communication with the baby. And he responded to my voice.
Me: " Hi BIG boy"
Him: Continue crying
Me: " Hi BIG boy"
Him: Stop crying and listen
Me: " Hi BIG boy"
Him: Open his eyes to see where is the sound come from.
Me: " Hi BIG boy" and I took more of his pictures when he was in calm state.
In my mind: On my God, he is responding to my voice. He stopped crying upon hearing me calling him. Amazing...
After everything was settled, I reflected and I realised that I should have greeted him with "Assalamualaikum" ...but but..what can I say...only "Hi BIG boy" came from my brain and mouth at that time.
Here he is...baby Muhammad Alif Haikal...
He stopped crying
He was looking at me upon hearing my voice I was holding him the next day when he was ready to come home. My lil man placed his dino on the baby. At the background is the baby's brother.
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