It has been a while since last time I cried. I had noticed that my heart became hard like stone. Swallow and chew as it come and get to the bottom of it if I could. There is no vocabulary of tears anymore. But tonite s I sat down to meet HIM and talk to HIM, those precious tears flows like a pipe. To HIM I ask for help for me to go on in life. Sometimes too much to bare that mentally and spiritually I failed to deal. Imperfect human being I am. Added to the moment of upside down hormone fluctuation and my head feels like bursting up in the air. A horrible feeling and it is really uncontrollable. I just cant learn to control the anger during this time. The whole system is taken over by the hormone and it is just so depressing.
I have not been writing in this space for almost 6 months. Much thots came to my mind off late and I am saying to myself, it is time to continue writing here again. Perhaps this would capture a deeper thots transferring from space of mind to this space as mean to deposit.
It have been a rather up and down rides in life. But Alhamdullilah, Allah had provided me with all the strength to continue life in various perspective. Waking up at this hour after a rather earlier sleep to compensate with tired body, had put me back on to write on this space. Honestly I had not been writing much offlate. A good and not so good side of it.
The treasure of the moment really have loads of impact on my life. I had let go of the bitter past and adored the sweet memories. That is one accomplishment indeed. However, some thought lingering in my mind about the future and its plan... I have those plans and looking at future not to far down the road as I believe we can only plan for future and we have no clue how it will turn out. Allah would have a better plan for us beyond our knowing. I must confess, at time I was obsessed with the future retirement plan. And I realise there is some part of life that I need to go through first and get it done with. I had not been able to efficiently sort it out within my priority of life as yet. It fall within top priority but it never get to the highest attention in the list. Mind programming is what I needed and a guidance from HIM is what I am needed.
This space will need to be fill-up again. I do not mind what crazy, stressful thot it might deposit. I would rather let it deposits.
I realise offlate, I started to loose a bit of memory. Mine is not as sharp as before...
I wish to live this life with full guidance from HIM and may HE make it easy for me to go through it.