Thursday, December 31, 2009

A journey continues…

Browsing through my blog for the memories captured during year 2009, I reflected what a learning point was during that one year journey. The beauty of blog. Off late, my memory is not so strong to remember many things in the pass especially the happenings in recent years. Maybe my migraine gets worst. My focus is mainly at the moment of time. Take one a day and handle as it come.
Thank you Allah for giving me chance to taste the sweet and the bitter bit of life. For giving me all the strength that I need. Experience is a teacher of life. I accepted all the challenges and teaching through out my life journey. May you continue showing me and others the right direction in this journey. This journey will continue till the end.

Happy New Year 2010 to all. Best wishes in your journey.


Anggerik merah
1 pm
December 31, 2009

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Ketika cinta bertasbih

Bertuturlah cinta
Mengucap satu nama
Seindah goresan sabdamu dalam kitabku
Cinta yang bertasbih
Mengutus Hati ini
Ku sandarkan hidup dan matiku padamu

Bisikkan doaku
Dalam butiran tasbih
Kupanjatkan pintaku padamu
Maha Cinta
Sudah di ubun-ubun cinta mengusik rasa
Tak bisa kupaksa walau hatiku menjerit

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala cinta

Bisikkan doaku
Dalam butiran tasbih
Kupanjatkan pintaku padamu Maha Cinta
Sudah di ubun-ubun cinta mengusik rasa
Tak bisa kupaksa walau hatiku menjerit

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala cinta

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala cinta

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Doa untuk Kak Moon

A call to ask her condition...turn to be a cry. She could not hold her tears , so do I while hearing it from her, after she told me that the cancer had been worst than initially suspected. It has spread through other parts of her body. For now, she doesn't want to go through chemo theraphy again.

Please doa for Kak Maimon so that she could continue to be strong in dealing with her predicament.


Ambition (Childhood life to adulthood)

When I was young, I thot I grow up to be anyone of the following:

1. A teacher (obviously because my father and most of family members are teachers. I was also visualizing or role play as a teacher with my imagination of students in a classroom while I was playing alone)

2. A Police Inspector (During my childhood, most friends are boys. I played with boys…all the running around with gun and play police catching the criminal..)

3. A Town planner / an architect (I enjoyed visualising on paper by scathing houses and the town being developed and growing with all the necessary facilities…it was all on paper and the story is lingering in my mind. Only me that understand the story)

4. A Fashion designer (for two reasons: I love playing “anak patung kertas” DIY and all the clothes plus accessories also DIY. This gave me the flexibility and creativity in designing the fashion. Another reason, until I grow-up, I always love the fashion..designed my own cloth and even the my own weeding gown.. I spend tremendously on cloths and tailoring my outfit..)

5. A Singer / an artist ( I love singing since young… and took part into several competitions during school days…not only singing but also poem recitation, debate, public speaking, talentime, choir etc etc)

6. A Doctor (this is not quite my wish but it is more of family wishes…I am not very brave with blood…)

Once I passed the school life entering into real life, I was offered none of the above. I was offered a scholarship for overseas degree to either learnt to be an Engineer or Biochemist/Chemist.. As a kampong girl, I feel that Engineer is not quite suit for ladies, so I opted for Biochemist/Chemist.

In a way, I thought was lucky that I was not offer for Medicine. Maybe I am not qualified to study medicine or the company is very much in need of the two disciplines. If I was offered to study was all because a family wish but not my wish. Reflecting those days and growing-up to be who am I, definitely I can’t be a good doctor because I don’t have that much of patient and scared of blood or rather psycho by blood. I need things to go fast and fast. I will kill more people rather than saving their life…grin..

Coming back to accepting to be Biochemist/Chemist… I had no clue what would my career be at that point of time. Chemistry sound as if only one subject that we learnt from form 4 to 5 and continue learning during college. Honestly, I just followed what had been the choice given to me. All I knew, studying abroad was something move me as I love to travel since I was a kid. I was one adventurous person. I love doing something new and seeing new places once in my life. I guest Allah had destined me to be that way. I will get bored doing the same thing after 3 years. Hence, searching new area would make my life more interesting.

As I grow into adulthood, I continued my education in Chemistry for post graduate study since the scholarship was offered to few of us rather that came back to work..i.e no work during recession in late 80’s. I tailored my post-grad study into area of which my expertise would be needed by the company when I completed it. It turned out to be that way after I cam back to work. Still upon my return, recession was continued and I was only paid RM500 by the company through internship program.

Living in KL with RM500 was hard life. I searched job offers in the newspaper. Definitely my application was turned down by chemical plant since I had no experience working. I was only managed to be interviewed as a Chemistry lecturer for prep student to overseas. Honestly, I have no confident that I can be a lecturer. Not that I was afraid that I can’t do it but honestly I felt inferiority complex with students physically bigger than me .. Grin…But with no choice and for the sake of survival I had forces myself to go through the interview. It was not an easy interview with 9 interviewees kept on coming with continuous questions and I had to really answer them instantly. No time to think anymore. Means it has a real and honest answer.

Allah had planned it for me that I was also a lucky one being selected to the second stage of the interview session which again tougher than the first one. If I could recall they were only looking for 3 or 4 candidates out of 10. While waiting for my turn, I had opportunity to talk to other candidate. Most of them had been in teaching line for some years. I was thinking in my mind that I just had to enjoy this interview and not giving a high hope for me being a lucky candidate.

My inner thought about being inferior with my petite size to be a lecturer was really also came to the thought of the interviewees. I didn’t expect that was the last questions they asked me… Being petite in size, do you think that you will get bullied by students? With confident as I sounded through my voice..I said…”size does not matter…what is important is the talent and skill that one has. I do not think that would be a barrier for me to be a lecturer although physically I might be smaller than most students”.

Perhaps my tone of voice really convinces them I am the right candidate although I have zero experience in teaching. I got the job offer for teaching after the interview session. Honestly, my inferiority complex remains. But, again surviving during economic down turn given me no choice but to grap whatever come first. After discussing with my immediate boss in the company that I got the job offer, he holds me back with the promise that he wanted to absorb me as a permanent staff. I had to turn down the offer and soon after that I was absorbed as a permanent staff for Chemical Engineer’s position.

Starting from that moment, I grow my career in the company based on some skill and talent Allah had given me to survive in this world. When I reflected, it was really not something that I envisioned to be from the beginning during my childhood. However, every bit and pieces come together like a jigsaw puzzle to prepare me for what I will be in the future as far as career is concerned.

During early days in my career, we went through induction course and leadership course etc to prepare us to sail through with the growth of organization. I remembered when I was provoked about my future, I instantly said I wish to be a consultant in my area of expertise. That was something that I envisioned myself to be in very far future. I have no clue why I said that.

As I sail through the organization, I had always had opportunity to do what I used to do or imagine during my childhood. I had the opportunity to travels to many places in the world, to sing at some event just for fun/entertainment, to present, speak, facilitate and teach at various events, to be a consultant to relevant discipline related to area of my specialization, to lead various new projects etc etc… I had done what I was expected to do with the right talent I had in me.

After 12 years being in the company, I was finally accepted the scholarship offer for another higher degree. I accepted the offer after 3 years being proposed… It takes that long for me to decide due to various reasons. It was another turning point in my career and life as a whole. Pursuing the degree in engineering which takes me loads of thought if this is really what I want to do in my career life. Again, people said the opportunity doesn’t come very often. With all encouragement and support from bosses and colleagues, I pursue this journey which to me…many trial and tribulation that I had to undergo. It changes me as a person and it change my perception about many things in life which is difficult to define. The journey still continues….

Now that I had been back to join workforce, three years had passed… the cycle come back for the opportunity and ways for me to grow and continue sailing with organization… another turning point which I am still debating inside me….and with HIS guidance to chose and accept the right path. The path that can bring me closer to him and barakah in all my doings…as I realize life is too short and everyday we are closer to the end of life.

That is what ambition during childhood to adulthood takes me through my journey..

Was it really an ambition or was it the path that HE had planned for me?

p/s this entry is not been proof read. Apologise for English and sequence.

Anggerik merah
December 29, 2009
5 pm

Monday, December 28, 2009


I am all alone at home...both big man & lil man are at Kampung... My escapism to write.... getting back that momentum is a struggle. Sigh...

I am in a jail again...a jail of my mind and thots...

Like my freind said to me is just like a desease...better get rid of it..

Dec 28, 2009
11 pm


The literal meaning of "Istiqamah": to go straight into the right direction, acting rightly, allowing no deviation. It is derived from the stem "Qiyyam", which implies the continuity of doing something, following up with it and making sure that it is done in the right way and there is neither deviation nor swerving.
The term has been used by the Qur'an in many verses. Allah the Almighty says:

"Therefore, stand firm (on the straight path) as you are commanded and those who turn in repentance with you. And do not transgress, for He (Allah) sees well all that you do."[Surah Hud (11): ayat 112]

Ibnu Abbas said that this verse was the hardest and most difficult verse of the Qur'an on the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam.
Indeed it is a difficult task to achieve Istiqamah, hence, the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, said; "Be straight on the path or be close to it."
In another verse, Allah the Almighty says:

"So unto this (religion) invite (the people). Stand steadfast as you are commanded and do not follow their desires....."[Surah al-Shura' (42): ayat 15]

Based on these two verses, it can be inferred that Istiqamah is to stand firm and steadfast to what we have been commanded by Allah, i.e. to fulfill obligations and to avoid prohibitions. Also, we should not allow ourselves to follow or be mislead by desires (whether it is our desires or the desires of others) as it will cause deviation and lead us astray.

According to Ibn al-Qayyim, there are five conditions to achieve Istiqamah in performing required deeds:
  1. The act should be done for the sake of Allah alone (ikhlas).
  2. It should be done on the basis of knowledge ('ilm).
  3. Performing ibadah should be in the same manner that they have been commanded.
  4. To do it in the best way possible.
  5. Restricting oneself to what is lawful while performing those deeds.

According to other scholars of suluk, i.e. behavior, there are certain steps to be followed in order to achieve Istiqamah :

  1. Always being aware of the final destination, i.e. the Day of Judgment (Akhirah). And to use this awareness in a positive way as a motive to do good deeds. One way to do it is through remembering that a person's journey towards Akhirah starts the minute he / she passes away and leaves this world. One of the Salafs said: "If you live until the morning do not wait for the evening and if you live until the evening do not wait for the morning."
  2. Commitment (Musharatah). One has to make a commitment that he/she will be steadfast and will do things in the right way and in the best way possible, and to adhere to conjunctions of Islam. Unfortunately many Muslims are being lenient in making such a commitment.
  3. To make continuous efforts (Mujahadah) to bring that commitment to reality. Some Muslims dare to make the commitment, but dare not to make the effort to make the commitment a reality.
  4. Continuous checking and reviewing of one's deeds (Muraqabah). Being honest with oneself so as not to give false excuses for failing to fulfill a commitment.
  5. Self accountability (Muhasabah). This should be done twice: Firstly, before we start doing something, ensuring that it pleases Allah, that we do it for His sake only, realizing the right way it should be done. Secondly, after the action has been done, to check whether we have achieved what we aimed for, and to check for defects and shortcomings, and that we still could have done it better by not being satisfied with our action.
    Blaming oneself for not doing it perfectly after it has been done. Self blaming here is a positive one by using it as a motive, and by aiming for improvement and having the intention of doing things better next time. This leads to making another commitment and continual commitments to improve our performance.
  6. Striving for improvement (Tahsin). We have to make improvements in all that we do (daily activities, work, actions, good deeds, ibadah, etc.) as one of our objectives.

To be humble towards Allah, realizing that no one is perfect except Him, seeking His forgiveness, guidance and support.
It should be emphasized that these steps/conditions apply to worldly matters as well as ibadah and good religious deeds.

Factors that lead to the weakening of Istiqamah include:

  1. Committing sins (ma'siah), insisting on repeating them again and again, without istighfar (seeking Allah's forgiveness) and without practicing repentance.
  2. Shirk (associating anything with Allah) whether in intentions, by showing off our good deeds to others, seeking others' appraisal, avoiding being blamed by others, being afraid of someone, or to seek rewards from others than Allah. This part of shirk is also called riyya' or showing off. All these lead to deviation in Istiqamah, and when these stimuli are not there, the person's work is not perfect any more and it is not done in the best way possible.
  3. Nifaq (hypocrisy). There are two forms of nifaq: in belief and in action. The Muslim who surrenders totally to the will of Allah and accept Islam based on his/her choice is free from the first form of hypocrisy. However any Muslim is subject to and should avoid the second form of nifaq which the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, warned us about: Not keeping promises and breaking them continuously without good reasons or excuses, not fulfilling commitments we make with others, being aggressive and unjust to others in quarrels, and disputes, failing to shoulder responsibilities/burdens we are entrusted with, etc. All these bad qualities should be avoided since they lead to the weakening of our Istiqamah.
  4. Bida'ah (innovations in ibadah), whether genuine bida'ah (performing ibadah which has not been ascribed by Shariah, i.e. revelation), or relative bida'ah (failing to observe the requirements of doing ibadah - the five criteria discussed in Hadith 5), will lead to decreasing the quality of good action or ibadah.

There are other factors that also contribute to the weakening of Istiqamah, such as: recklessness, reluctance, heedlessness, being overwhelmed by a deceiving enjoyment, and being mislead by self interests and desires.

Applying the above mentioned steps and requirements pinpointed by scholars will help in overcoming all these obstacles and barriers.

Istiqamah is an important Islamic concept. Its significance can be seen where every Muslim is required to recite Surah al-Fatihah at least seventeen times each day seeking continual guidance to the straight path from Allah.


40 tips for a better life (a reflection and keep improving…)

  1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day.
  2. And while you walk, smile.
  3. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
  4. Sleep for 7 hours.
  5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
  6. Play more games..
  7. Read more books than you did in previous year.
  8. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
  9. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
  10. Dream more while you are awake.
  11. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
  12. Drink plenty of water.
  13. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
  14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
  15. Forget issues of the past.
  16. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
  17. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
  18. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
  19. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
  20. Smile and laugh more.
  21. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
  22. Don't hate others.
  23. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
  24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
  25. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
  26. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
  27. Don't compare your partner with others.No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
  28. Forgive everyone for everything.What other people think of you is none of your business.
  29. GOD ! heals everything.However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
  30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
  31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
  32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.The best is yet to come.
  33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
  34. Do the right thing!
  35. Call your family often.
  36. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
  37. Each day give something good to others.
  38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
  39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
  40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Warkah untuk sahabat

Salam untuk mu sahabatku…

Semuga hari-hari yang dijalani sentiasa diberkati oleh Nya dan sentiasa didalam landasan yang lurus.

Mulut ini amat sukar untuk menyatakan apa yang sebenarnya tersirat dan tersurat disetiap pertemuan kita. Lalu jari jemari ini mencuba untuk melakarkan dan menterjemahkan sekadar yang mampu. Masih lagi kaku terasa jari-jari yang lemah ini... Sekiranya dapat dilakukan..adalah lebih baik apa yang ada di dalam kotak fikiran ini dapat dibaca tanpa menggunakan tutur kata dan penulisan. Seperti orang bisu dan buta. Yang dapat melihat dan merasa melalui mata hati. Tapi hati ini menagihkan kelapangan, kebahagiaan dan ketenangan... maka biarlah jari ini dapat sekiranya berkata-kata...

Sahabatku..izinkan diriku mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih diatas persahabatan di antara kita. Satu persahabatan yang sebenarnya sukar untuk di tafsirkan. Terlalu banyak yang telah di kongsi sepanjang perjalanan kehidupan ini tanpa disedari ataupun tidak disedari.

Sekiranya perjalanan hidup diri ini ditakdirkan lebih singkat, izinkan diri ini memohon ampun dan maaf sekiranya disepanjang persahabatan ini ada cacat cela dan perkataan yang di luahkan menyebabkan dirimu berkecil hati yang menjadikan diri ini berdosa. Diri ini insan yang serba kekurangan. Kadang-kadang lalai untuk memuhasabah diri disebabkan kehidupan yang terlalu pantas ini. Sebenarnya diri ini masih lagi mencari-cari apa yang lebih penting dalam hidup ini disetiap kali ujian yang diberikan olehNya. Keinginan kita dan apa yang lebih utama didalam hidup kita mungkin juga berbeza. Itulah kebesaran Nya menjadikan pertemuan diantara dua sahabat agar kehidupan ini dikongsi dan dipelajari bersama...

Sahabatku... hidup kita melalui fasa yang berbeza yang kadang kala merubah diri kita yang asal. Ada kelebihan yang kita diberi olehNya, mungkin akan ditarik balik dan diberi kelebihan yang lain. Begitulah perjalanan hidup yang singkat ini. Sesungguhnya diri ini terasa gementar dan takut untuk menghadapi perjalanan kehidupan yang singkat ini. Takut sekiranya hati ini dipesongkan kearah terlalu menjuruskan kepada kebendaan didunia yang hanya sementara sebelum tiba saat dipanggil pulang.

Berlabuhnya tahun yang berlalu dan datangnya tahun yang baru, semuga kita sentiasa dilindungi oleh Nya, dirahmati Nya and hati kita sentiasa dekat kepadaNya, kerana itulah sebenarnya kebahagiaan yang suci dan kekal abadi. Pengalaman yang lalu menjadi pengajaran kepada kehidupan di masa hadapan..

Sahabatku, sekali lagi izin kan diri ini memohon ampun dan maaf dan juga berterima kasih diatas persahabatan ini. Terima kasih kerana memberi kekuatan didalam persahabatan ini dan meluangkan masa yang sekadar mampu. Semuga hati ini diberi kelapangan dan kebahagiaan setelah dapat menyatakan terima kasih diatas perkongsian persahabatan ini seperti matahari yang menyinari kembali hari-hari yang pernah gelap dan dingin.

Semuga kita dapat meneruskan perjuangan hidup ini dengan dilimpahi kebahagiaan yang abadi dan penuh keceriaan.

Salam persahabatan dari,

Anggerik Merah
December 27, 2009
5:41 pm

The Day's Motivation

First, i was dying to finish my high school and start college
And then i was dying to finish college and start working
Then i was dying to marry and have children
to grow old enough
so i could go back to work
But then i was dying to retire
And now i am dying...
And suddenly i realized
i forgot to live

Please don't let this happen to you

Appreciate your current situation
and enjoy each day
... old friend
To make money we lose our health,
and then to restore our helath we lose our money...
We live as if we are never going to die,
and we die as if we never lived...

Life is very short, so break your silly ego, forgive quickly, believe slowly, love truly, laugh loudly & never avoid anything that makes you smile.

The Day's Motivation

When I woke up this morning lying in bed, I was asking myself;
What are some of the secrets of success in life? I found the answer right there, in my very room.

Carry a Heart that Never Hates. Carry a Smile that Never Fades. Carry a Touch that Never Hurts.

Anggerik merah
Dec 27, 2009
10 am

Monday, December 21, 2009

Maal Hijrah & Sleep test

Salam Maal Hijrah untuk semua waluapun dah beberapa hari berlalu. Semuga kita semua dilindungi oleh Allah diatas setiap kehidupan kita di muka bumi ini.

Hari minggu yang panjang disambung dari Maal Hijrah menjadi masa and waktu untuk saya merehatkan diri. Setelah beberapa lama kembali bermasaalah dengan tidur, saya membuat keputusan untuk bertemu pakar. Untuk permulaannya saya di suruh menjalani Sleep Test. Maka saya menghadirkan diri di hospital untuk tidor setelah badan saya di lekatkan dengan peralatan untuk sleep test.

Buat masa ini saya memaksa diri untuk menghabiskan kerja2 pejabat sebelum saya bercuti akhir tahun.

Anggerik M
December 21, 2009
11:50 pm

Friday, December 11, 2009

Been a while

It has been a while since I last blog. Life has been rather in the fast lane with too many on the plate.