Friday, June 26, 2009

Masih jelas

Beralih musim ke musim
Hati tetap serupa
Tiada yang berubah
Dari hari dikau pergi
Dikau pergi

Penjara... hidup ini penjara
Tanpa ada simpati
Kepada sang kekasih
Yang dilanda, yang dilanda

Masih jelas setiap garisan halus
Bila senyuman kau ukirkan untukku
Masih jelas setiap lekuk penjuru
Menghiasi wajahmu
Waktu kau renung aku

Ratib sendu...
Ratib sendu bergetar dalam kalbu
Hingga menitis linang
Dari kelopak mata
Keranaku keranamu dipisahkan

Masih jelas setiap garisan halus
Bila senyuman kau ukirkan untukku
Masih jelas setiap lekuk penjuru
Menghiasi wajahmu
Waktu kau renung aku

Sudah suratan takdir begini
Segalanya sementara
Selagi hayatku masih ada
Kau bertakhta di hatiku

Beralih musim ke musim
Hati tetap serupa
Tiada yang berubah
Dari hari dikau pergi
Dikau pergi
Dikau pergi

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Another year to create
precious memories together.
Another year to discover
new things to enjoy about each other.
Another year to build
a life rich in love and laughter.
Another year to strengthen
a marriage that defines "forever."

Happy 21th Wedding Anniversary!
Note: Thanks baba for a lovely home cook beriyani to celebrate our another year...
Anggerik merah
June 17, 2009

Thursday, June 11, 2009

window wishes

Window 1
Window 2
Window 3
For the last one weeks, the three windows are my view during my fighting hard to get "FOCUS". Focus is not easy for my brain as it is always wanting to be distracted. Being alone is also a challenge for me... Cut-off from talking and meeting people for a moment of time and being away from LOVE one... just so dragging. Anyway...
Story about windows
Window 1:
For 4 days I was looking thru this window... in the midth of receiving sad news about demise of my youngest brother in law, fighting with PMS (i.e....wanting to sleep and no apetite to eat...thank God that I am now better at managing anger due to hormone change...), Force...force to recall what I had written... make some little progress I must say..
The room is extremely cool. No heater at all time. Padded myself with thick cloth. My wishes is that... please let the weather be better and better everyday...more sunlight
Window 2:
I had to move for one night because no room available. My beloved fren took me to her apartment, cook dinner for me. Yet, I am too tired to even think about dinner. I dozed off till early morning. When I woke up she left note to inform me that she went to school and to ask me help myself with food etc. She wishes me to stay with her so that I can be focused and don't have to spend money for accommodation outside. Many times I had to explain that I would prefer to stay on campus as I need to walk around when my brain got stuck and I could meet more people in the campus..
My previous experience had thot me a big lessons that I could not force to the maximum limit ...i.e. jailed myself for some period of time. I went to the opposite direction of being totally lost. The moral of the story for me is that get out for a while and come back. Something that was never in my vocabulary of life in the past. I kept on going and going endlessly just for the sake of there is no more tomorrow until I manage to sort things out...
While I am facing window no2....even for a short while, I do feel that experience again. Instead of kept going, I turn on music and did some aerobic exercise alone to warm up and loosen up some stiff muscle.. helps...but I still feel lonely.
Next, I am ready to move back to the same place as window 1. But, my window wish is that...let it be heater in the room to keep me reasonably warm, the table is closer to window so that I can always look outside, the window is greener and nicer view than the first one.
Window 2 has lovely view also... but I felt I jailed myself again in window 2 for not be able to associate much with outside world...
Window 3:
While checking in for window 3, i complained that the previous room was very cool. The reception told me that they normally switch-off the heater during summer and this is common the the local to experience this typical weather. I could only smile...and in my heart..yes..I had experience it but I have left it and my body can't stand it now... But the good thing is that they offer me extra duvet..
I checked-in to window 3 to find that the table was near the window and plenty of natural light that I can enjoy. I could only stay for about one hour in the room due to cold.. I got out to get some food from nearby store and came back to room. I was dancing to joy to find out that the heater was turned-on.
That was my mambo jumbo about window wishes.
Thanks Allah for my wishes come through. I hope I am not asking far to much.
Another most important thing is that I always pray in my life to be associated with kind hearted and nice people/friends who wish to be with me unconditionally.... and I do the same in return.
Yes, indeed in everyday of my life that wishes always come true. Too many that offering help and to be associated. Alhamdullilah and I am greatful for that wishes. May Allah pay back their kindnest and friendship.
I am counting days, yet I must admit progress is not as I expected. My wish is to make an exponential progress within a short time that remain. AMIN.
Salam from
Anggerik Merah
8:31 am
June 11, 2009

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Source of inspiration

Lil man has grown up to be big man #2 at exponential rate. Mama can always ask his opinion in many things. Just like a close fren. If mama need motivation and word of wisdom or a dua to help on getting the ball rolling, big man #2 can sometimes very mature in giving that motivation. I am amazed with his sudden maturity. Alhamdullilah, now I have 2 body guards in my life who always protect me in their own way...

Thank you darling...I miss you and I love you very much. Please dua for me in your prayer..

You are my precious gift of life source of inspiration

Anggerik merah
June 7, 2009
4 pm

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Away - cool - bike! (update -innalillah)

I am now in a faraway land again. I thot I could tolerate with cold weather slightly better...I was wrong. Right now the accommodation that I stay is so cool.... I am half freezing...feel like do not want to take shower and just wanna be under the duvet.

After finishing work related event for technical society for a week as a committe member, I have decided to stay longer here to do whatever I need to do. Lucky enough the guy from travel agent manage to re-arrange my flight ticket in the midth of his holiday with family. Here I am in the land of where I used to be some years ago...

I need to inform my bos about my overstay at my own cost and fix accommodation for the rest of the week.

I missed my family very much...especially both my men and my mom. It is countless time I called them everyday using local mobile as I could not afford to pay high phone bill using roaming service everytime I travel overseas...

I am not sure if the weather really make me feel really lonely. Must be... as I could not do much here.. no normal cycling...but my lovely friend here offer her bike even if I want to take back to Msia. How wonderful. Yes, it is a foldable bike which I might consider bring back and keep it in my car boot. It is kind of handy if I feel like cycling after office hour, I could do that....Well.. if I did not get excess baggage (with bunch of books and material I carried with me from KL) I might as well do that.

Another lovely fren would wish to have BBQ while I am around..will find time for that too...

Somehow, I am still finding ways to keep going and get it wrap-up...

I pray to Allah to help me...and keep my brain super-active and alive in the midth of cool weather. Give me back my courage and determination...

BTW, it is good to vary kind of exercise within a week instead of doing the same thing over and over again...

something like this...

Anggerik merah

June 6, 2009

8 am.


Just 10 minutes after posting the above N3, I got message from lil man said.."pakcik adik baba passaway...we are on d way to kampung"

Innallillah to adik. Semuga rohnya ditempatkan didalam golongan orang beriman. I called my mother-in-law to know the story. From her voice, she was very calm and compose and saying..."his time has come and next we donno when is our turn".... I can't hold my tears and emotion.

According to my mother -in-law, he had motor accident at about 11 am this morning not far from home. Trying to avoid another motor, he went to hit a tree instead. Rushing him to hospital could not save him and he was confirmed passed away at about 11:30 am. He is 25 years old.

I pray that Allah make some turning point in our life to be always reminded that we are all belong to Him. From Him we come and from Him we will return. Amin.