Thursday, December 31, 2009

A journey continues…

Browsing through my blog for the memories captured during year 2009, I reflected what a learning point was during that one year journey. The beauty of blog. Off late, my memory is not so strong to remember many things in the pass especially the happenings in recent years. Maybe my migraine gets worst. My focus is mainly at the moment of time. Take one a day and handle as it come.
Thank you Allah for giving me chance to taste the sweet and the bitter bit of life. For giving me all the strength that I need. Experience is a teacher of life. I accepted all the challenges and teaching through out my life journey. May you continue showing me and others the right direction in this journey. This journey will continue till the end.

Happy New Year 2010 to all. Best wishes in your journey.


Anggerik merah
1 pm
December 31, 2009

Wednesday, December 30, 2009

Ketika cinta bertasbih

Bertuturlah cinta
Mengucap satu nama
Seindah goresan sabdamu dalam kitabku
Cinta yang bertasbih
Mengutus Hati ini
Ku sandarkan hidup dan matiku padamu

Bisikkan doaku
Dalam butiran tasbih
Kupanjatkan pintaku padamu
Maha Cinta
Sudah di ubun-ubun cinta mengusik rasa
Tak bisa kupaksa walau hatiku menjerit

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala cinta

Bisikkan doaku
Dalam butiran tasbih
Kupanjatkan pintaku padamu Maha Cinta
Sudah di ubun-ubun cinta mengusik rasa
Tak bisa kupaksa walau hatiku menjerit

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala cinta

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu
Kembang kempis dadaku merangkai butir cinta
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala
Garis tangan tergambar tak bisa aku menentang
Sujud syukur padamu atas segala cinta

Ketika cinta bertasbih nadiku berdenyut merdu

Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Doa untuk Kak Moon

A call to ask her condition...turn to be a cry. She could not hold her tears , so do I while hearing it from her, after she told me that the cancer had been worst than initially suspected. It has spread through other parts of her body. For now, she doesn't want to go through chemo theraphy again.

Please doa for Kak Maimon so that she could continue to be strong in dealing with her predicament.


Ambition (Childhood life to adulthood)

When I was young, I thot I grow up to be anyone of the following:

1. A teacher (obviously because my father and most of family members are teachers. I was also visualizing or role play as a teacher with my imagination of students in a classroom while I was playing alone)

2. A Police Inspector (During my childhood, most friends are boys. I played with boys…all the running around with gun and play police catching the criminal..)

3. A Town planner / an architect (I enjoyed visualising on paper by scathing houses and the town being developed and growing with all the necessary facilities…it was all on paper and the story is lingering in my mind. Only me that understand the story)

4. A Fashion designer (for two reasons: I love playing “anak patung kertas” DIY and all the clothes plus accessories also DIY. This gave me the flexibility and creativity in designing the fashion. Another reason, until I grow-up, I always love the fashion..designed my own cloth and even the my own weeding gown.. I spend tremendously on cloths and tailoring my outfit..)

5. A Singer / an artist ( I love singing since young… and took part into several competitions during school days…not only singing but also poem recitation, debate, public speaking, talentime, choir etc etc)

6. A Doctor (this is not quite my wish but it is more of family wishes…I am not very brave with blood…)

Once I passed the school life entering into real life, I was offered none of the above. I was offered a scholarship for overseas degree to either learnt to be an Engineer or Biochemist/Chemist.. As a kampong girl, I feel that Engineer is not quite suit for ladies, so I opted for Biochemist/Chemist.

In a way, I thought was lucky that I was not offer for Medicine. Maybe I am not qualified to study medicine or the company is very much in need of the two disciplines. If I was offered to study was all because a family wish but not my wish. Reflecting those days and growing-up to be who am I, definitely I can’t be a good doctor because I don’t have that much of patient and scared of blood or rather psycho by blood. I need things to go fast and fast. I will kill more people rather than saving their life…grin..

Coming back to accepting to be Biochemist/Chemist… I had no clue what would my career be at that point of time. Chemistry sound as if only one subject that we learnt from form 4 to 5 and continue learning during college. Honestly, I just followed what had been the choice given to me. All I knew, studying abroad was something move me as I love to travel since I was a kid. I was one adventurous person. I love doing something new and seeing new places once in my life. I guest Allah had destined me to be that way. I will get bored doing the same thing after 3 years. Hence, searching new area would make my life more interesting.

As I grow into adulthood, I continued my education in Chemistry for post graduate study since the scholarship was offered to few of us rather that came back to work..i.e no work during recession in late 80’s. I tailored my post-grad study into area of which my expertise would be needed by the company when I completed it. It turned out to be that way after I cam back to work. Still upon my return, recession was continued and I was only paid RM500 by the company through internship program.

Living in KL with RM500 was hard life. I searched job offers in the newspaper. Definitely my application was turned down by chemical plant since I had no experience working. I was only managed to be interviewed as a Chemistry lecturer for prep student to overseas. Honestly, I have no confident that I can be a lecturer. Not that I was afraid that I can’t do it but honestly I felt inferiority complex with students physically bigger than me .. Grin…But with no choice and for the sake of survival I had forces myself to go through the interview. It was not an easy interview with 9 interviewees kept on coming with continuous questions and I had to really answer them instantly. No time to think anymore. Means it has a real and honest answer.

Allah had planned it for me that I was also a lucky one being selected to the second stage of the interview session which again tougher than the first one. If I could recall they were only looking for 3 or 4 candidates out of 10. While waiting for my turn, I had opportunity to talk to other candidate. Most of them had been in teaching line for some years. I was thinking in my mind that I just had to enjoy this interview and not giving a high hope for me being a lucky candidate.

My inner thought about being inferior with my petite size to be a lecturer was really also came to the thought of the interviewees. I didn’t expect that was the last questions they asked me… Being petite in size, do you think that you will get bullied by students? With confident as I sounded through my voice..I said…”size does not matter…what is important is the talent and skill that one has. I do not think that would be a barrier for me to be a lecturer although physically I might be smaller than most students”.

Perhaps my tone of voice really convinces them I am the right candidate although I have zero experience in teaching. I got the job offer for teaching after the interview session. Honestly, my inferiority complex remains. But, again surviving during economic down turn given me no choice but to grap whatever come first. After discussing with my immediate boss in the company that I got the job offer, he holds me back with the promise that he wanted to absorb me as a permanent staff. I had to turn down the offer and soon after that I was absorbed as a permanent staff for Chemical Engineer’s position.

Starting from that moment, I grow my career in the company based on some skill and talent Allah had given me to survive in this world. When I reflected, it was really not something that I envisioned to be from the beginning during my childhood. However, every bit and pieces come together like a jigsaw puzzle to prepare me for what I will be in the future as far as career is concerned.

During early days in my career, we went through induction course and leadership course etc to prepare us to sail through with the growth of organization. I remembered when I was provoked about my future, I instantly said I wish to be a consultant in my area of expertise. That was something that I envisioned myself to be in very far future. I have no clue why I said that.

As I sail through the organization, I had always had opportunity to do what I used to do or imagine during my childhood. I had the opportunity to travels to many places in the world, to sing at some event just for fun/entertainment, to present, speak, facilitate and teach at various events, to be a consultant to relevant discipline related to area of my specialization, to lead various new projects etc etc… I had done what I was expected to do with the right talent I had in me.

After 12 years being in the company, I was finally accepted the scholarship offer for another higher degree. I accepted the offer after 3 years being proposed… It takes that long for me to decide due to various reasons. It was another turning point in my career and life as a whole. Pursuing the degree in engineering which takes me loads of thought if this is really what I want to do in my career life. Again, people said the opportunity doesn’t come very often. With all encouragement and support from bosses and colleagues, I pursue this journey which to me…many trial and tribulation that I had to undergo. It changes me as a person and it change my perception about many things in life which is difficult to define. The journey still continues….

Now that I had been back to join workforce, three years had passed… the cycle come back for the opportunity and ways for me to grow and continue sailing with organization… another turning point which I am still debating inside me….and with HIS guidance to chose and accept the right path. The path that can bring me closer to him and barakah in all my doings…as I realize life is too short and everyday we are closer to the end of life.

That is what ambition during childhood to adulthood takes me through my journey..

Was it really an ambition or was it the path that HE had planned for me?

p/s this entry is not been proof read. Apologise for English and sequence.

Anggerik merah
December 29, 2009
5 pm

Monday, December 28, 2009


I am all alone at home...both big man & lil man are at Kampung... My escapism to write.... getting back that momentum is a struggle. Sigh...

I am in a jail again...a jail of my mind and thots...

Like my freind said to me is just like a desease...better get rid of it..

Dec 28, 2009
11 pm


The literal meaning of "Istiqamah": to go straight into the right direction, acting rightly, allowing no deviation. It is derived from the stem "Qiyyam", which implies the continuity of doing something, following up with it and making sure that it is done in the right way and there is neither deviation nor swerving.
The term has been used by the Qur'an in many verses. Allah the Almighty says:

"Therefore, stand firm (on the straight path) as you are commanded and those who turn in repentance with you. And do not transgress, for He (Allah) sees well all that you do."[Surah Hud (11): ayat 112]

Ibnu Abbas said that this verse was the hardest and most difficult verse of the Qur'an on the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam.
Indeed it is a difficult task to achieve Istiqamah, hence, the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, said; "Be straight on the path or be close to it."
In another verse, Allah the Almighty says:

"So unto this (religion) invite (the people). Stand steadfast as you are commanded and do not follow their desires....."[Surah al-Shura' (42): ayat 15]

Based on these two verses, it can be inferred that Istiqamah is to stand firm and steadfast to what we have been commanded by Allah, i.e. to fulfill obligations and to avoid prohibitions. Also, we should not allow ourselves to follow or be mislead by desires (whether it is our desires or the desires of others) as it will cause deviation and lead us astray.

According to Ibn al-Qayyim, there are five conditions to achieve Istiqamah in performing required deeds:
  1. The act should be done for the sake of Allah alone (ikhlas).
  2. It should be done on the basis of knowledge ('ilm).
  3. Performing ibadah should be in the same manner that they have been commanded.
  4. To do it in the best way possible.
  5. Restricting oneself to what is lawful while performing those deeds.

According to other scholars of suluk, i.e. behavior, there are certain steps to be followed in order to achieve Istiqamah :

  1. Always being aware of the final destination, i.e. the Day of Judgment (Akhirah). And to use this awareness in a positive way as a motive to do good deeds. One way to do it is through remembering that a person's journey towards Akhirah starts the minute he / she passes away and leaves this world. One of the Salafs said: "If you live until the morning do not wait for the evening and if you live until the evening do not wait for the morning."
  2. Commitment (Musharatah). One has to make a commitment that he/she will be steadfast and will do things in the right way and in the best way possible, and to adhere to conjunctions of Islam. Unfortunately many Muslims are being lenient in making such a commitment.
  3. To make continuous efforts (Mujahadah) to bring that commitment to reality. Some Muslims dare to make the commitment, but dare not to make the effort to make the commitment a reality.
  4. Continuous checking and reviewing of one's deeds (Muraqabah). Being honest with oneself so as not to give false excuses for failing to fulfill a commitment.
  5. Self accountability (Muhasabah). This should be done twice: Firstly, before we start doing something, ensuring that it pleases Allah, that we do it for His sake only, realizing the right way it should be done. Secondly, after the action has been done, to check whether we have achieved what we aimed for, and to check for defects and shortcomings, and that we still could have done it better by not being satisfied with our action.
    Blaming oneself for not doing it perfectly after it has been done. Self blaming here is a positive one by using it as a motive, and by aiming for improvement and having the intention of doing things better next time. This leads to making another commitment and continual commitments to improve our performance.
  6. Striving for improvement (Tahsin). We have to make improvements in all that we do (daily activities, work, actions, good deeds, ibadah, etc.) as one of our objectives.

To be humble towards Allah, realizing that no one is perfect except Him, seeking His forgiveness, guidance and support.
It should be emphasized that these steps/conditions apply to worldly matters as well as ibadah and good religious deeds.

Factors that lead to the weakening of Istiqamah include:

  1. Committing sins (ma'siah), insisting on repeating them again and again, without istighfar (seeking Allah's forgiveness) and without practicing repentance.
  2. Shirk (associating anything with Allah) whether in intentions, by showing off our good deeds to others, seeking others' appraisal, avoiding being blamed by others, being afraid of someone, or to seek rewards from others than Allah. This part of shirk is also called riyya' or showing off. All these lead to deviation in Istiqamah, and when these stimuli are not there, the person's work is not perfect any more and it is not done in the best way possible.
  3. Nifaq (hypocrisy). There are two forms of nifaq: in belief and in action. The Muslim who surrenders totally to the will of Allah and accept Islam based on his/her choice is free from the first form of hypocrisy. However any Muslim is subject to and should avoid the second form of nifaq which the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wasallam, warned us about: Not keeping promises and breaking them continuously without good reasons or excuses, not fulfilling commitments we make with others, being aggressive and unjust to others in quarrels, and disputes, failing to shoulder responsibilities/burdens we are entrusted with, etc. All these bad qualities should be avoided since they lead to the weakening of our Istiqamah.
  4. Bida'ah (innovations in ibadah), whether genuine bida'ah (performing ibadah which has not been ascribed by Shariah, i.e. revelation), or relative bida'ah (failing to observe the requirements of doing ibadah - the five criteria discussed in Hadith 5), will lead to decreasing the quality of good action or ibadah.

There are other factors that also contribute to the weakening of Istiqamah, such as: recklessness, reluctance, heedlessness, being overwhelmed by a deceiving enjoyment, and being mislead by self interests and desires.

Applying the above mentioned steps and requirements pinpointed by scholars will help in overcoming all these obstacles and barriers.

Istiqamah is an important Islamic concept. Its significance can be seen where every Muslim is required to recite Surah al-Fatihah at least seventeen times each day seeking continual guidance to the straight path from Allah.


40 tips for a better life (a reflection and keep improving…)

  1. Take a 10-30 minutes walk every day.
  2. And while you walk, smile.
  3. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
  4. Sleep for 7 hours.
  5. Live with the 3 E's -- Energy, Enthusiasm, and Empathy.
  6. Play more games..
  7. Read more books than you did in previous year.
  8. Make time to practice meditation, yoga, and prayer. They provide us with daily fuel for our busy lives.
  9. Spend time with people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
  10. Dream more while you are awake.
  11. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants.
  12. Drink plenty of water.
  13. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
  14. Don't waste your precious energy on gossip.
  15. Forget issues of the past.
  16. Don't remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
  17. Don't have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
  18. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
  19. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
  20. Smile and laugh more.
  21. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
  22. Don't hate others.
  23. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
  24. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
  25. Make peace with your past so it won't spoil the present.
  26. Don't compare your life to others'. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
  27. Don't compare your partner with others.No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
  28. Forgive everyone for everything.What other people think of you is none of your business.
  29. GOD ! heals everything.However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
  30. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.
  31. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
  32. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.The best is yet to come.
  33. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
  34. Do the right thing!
  35. Call your family often.
  36. Your inner most is always happy. So be happy.
  37. Each day give something good to others.
  38. Don't over do. Keep your limits.
  39. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
  40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about.

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Warkah untuk sahabat

Salam untuk mu sahabatku…

Semuga hari-hari yang dijalani sentiasa diberkati oleh Nya dan sentiasa didalam landasan yang lurus.

Mulut ini amat sukar untuk menyatakan apa yang sebenarnya tersirat dan tersurat disetiap pertemuan kita. Lalu jari jemari ini mencuba untuk melakarkan dan menterjemahkan sekadar yang mampu. Masih lagi kaku terasa jari-jari yang lemah ini... Sekiranya dapat dilakukan..adalah lebih baik apa yang ada di dalam kotak fikiran ini dapat dibaca tanpa menggunakan tutur kata dan penulisan. Seperti orang bisu dan buta. Yang dapat melihat dan merasa melalui mata hati. Tapi hati ini menagihkan kelapangan, kebahagiaan dan ketenangan... maka biarlah jari ini dapat sekiranya berkata-kata...

Sahabatku..izinkan diriku mengucapkan ribuan terima kasih diatas persahabatan di antara kita. Satu persahabatan yang sebenarnya sukar untuk di tafsirkan. Terlalu banyak yang telah di kongsi sepanjang perjalanan kehidupan ini tanpa disedari ataupun tidak disedari.

Sekiranya perjalanan hidup diri ini ditakdirkan lebih singkat, izinkan diri ini memohon ampun dan maaf sekiranya disepanjang persahabatan ini ada cacat cela dan perkataan yang di luahkan menyebabkan dirimu berkecil hati yang menjadikan diri ini berdosa. Diri ini insan yang serba kekurangan. Kadang-kadang lalai untuk memuhasabah diri disebabkan kehidupan yang terlalu pantas ini. Sebenarnya diri ini masih lagi mencari-cari apa yang lebih penting dalam hidup ini disetiap kali ujian yang diberikan olehNya. Keinginan kita dan apa yang lebih utama didalam hidup kita mungkin juga berbeza. Itulah kebesaran Nya menjadikan pertemuan diantara dua sahabat agar kehidupan ini dikongsi dan dipelajari bersama...

Sahabatku... hidup kita melalui fasa yang berbeza yang kadang kala merubah diri kita yang asal. Ada kelebihan yang kita diberi olehNya, mungkin akan ditarik balik dan diberi kelebihan yang lain. Begitulah perjalanan hidup yang singkat ini. Sesungguhnya diri ini terasa gementar dan takut untuk menghadapi perjalanan kehidupan yang singkat ini. Takut sekiranya hati ini dipesongkan kearah terlalu menjuruskan kepada kebendaan didunia yang hanya sementara sebelum tiba saat dipanggil pulang.

Berlabuhnya tahun yang berlalu dan datangnya tahun yang baru, semuga kita sentiasa dilindungi oleh Nya, dirahmati Nya and hati kita sentiasa dekat kepadaNya, kerana itulah sebenarnya kebahagiaan yang suci dan kekal abadi. Pengalaman yang lalu menjadi pengajaran kepada kehidupan di masa hadapan..

Sahabatku, sekali lagi izin kan diri ini memohon ampun dan maaf dan juga berterima kasih diatas persahabatan ini. Terima kasih kerana memberi kekuatan didalam persahabatan ini dan meluangkan masa yang sekadar mampu. Semuga hati ini diberi kelapangan dan kebahagiaan setelah dapat menyatakan terima kasih diatas perkongsian persahabatan ini seperti matahari yang menyinari kembali hari-hari yang pernah gelap dan dingin.

Semuga kita dapat meneruskan perjuangan hidup ini dengan dilimpahi kebahagiaan yang abadi dan penuh keceriaan.

Salam persahabatan dari,

Anggerik Merah
December 27, 2009
5:41 pm

The Day's Motivation

First, i was dying to finish my high school and start college
And then i was dying to finish college and start working
Then i was dying to marry and have children
to grow old enough
so i could go back to work
But then i was dying to retire
And now i am dying...
And suddenly i realized
i forgot to live

Please don't let this happen to you

Appreciate your current situation
and enjoy each day
... old friend
To make money we lose our health,
and then to restore our helath we lose our money...
We live as if we are never going to die,
and we die as if we never lived...

Life is very short, so break your silly ego, forgive quickly, believe slowly, love truly, laugh loudly & never avoid anything that makes you smile.

The Day's Motivation

When I woke up this morning lying in bed, I was asking myself;
What are some of the secrets of success in life? I found the answer right there, in my very room.

Carry a Heart that Never Hates. Carry a Smile that Never Fades. Carry a Touch that Never Hurts.

Anggerik merah
Dec 27, 2009
10 am

Monday, December 21, 2009

Maal Hijrah & Sleep test

Salam Maal Hijrah untuk semua waluapun dah beberapa hari berlalu. Semuga kita semua dilindungi oleh Allah diatas setiap kehidupan kita di muka bumi ini.

Hari minggu yang panjang disambung dari Maal Hijrah menjadi masa and waktu untuk saya merehatkan diri. Setelah beberapa lama kembali bermasaalah dengan tidur, saya membuat keputusan untuk bertemu pakar. Untuk permulaannya saya di suruh menjalani Sleep Test. Maka saya menghadirkan diri di hospital untuk tidor setelah badan saya di lekatkan dengan peralatan untuk sleep test.

Buat masa ini saya memaksa diri untuk menghabiskan kerja2 pejabat sebelum saya bercuti akhir tahun.

Anggerik M
December 21, 2009
11:50 pm

Friday, December 11, 2009

Been a while

It has been a while since I last blog. Life has been rather in the fast lane with too many on the plate.


Sunday, November 15, 2009

Teaching skill & being a mother

Last week was a rather focus week for me as I was involved in ensuring the course was running smoothly i.e. the students (company staff) really gain significant knowledge after attending this course. I also served as line trainer i.e delivering course on the first and last day. This was the first time I had ever given such a long course. Talking and stimulating discussion from 8:30 am to 5:00 pm. Brushing up my teaching skill was something that I love doing. Work and knowledge I had gather since 20 years ago which still retain somewhere in my memory box became handy. My mind always reflected several experiences and knowledge I gathered many years in the past. It was just like down memory lane. Although I felt easily exhausted but felt the satisfaction. My teaching skill needs some polishing though.

The course was held in the hotel connected to Hard rock café. I had never been to hard rock café KL… During one of the night, when big man and lil man came to pick me up from hotel, the three of us had our dinner at Hard rock Café.

Weekend was moment to be waited after a week of classroom event. I went for cycling and did house chores. Some moment of tense with my lil man. This makes me feel that I fail to be a good mother. I guest I do not have much patient being a mother of a single child teenager with mild autism. I lost the mother touch and understanding. A good cry really helps to release the emotion. Life is like that… full of challenges... a challenges being a mother

Anggerik merah
November 16, 2009
12:30 am

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Stay back & cari makan

My friends and I had to stay in the office for telecon meeting with UK from 6 pm to 12 midnight Malaysia time. None of us would want to fly to UK for a short one day meeting considering too much on our plate at this point of time to handle in office. Travelling time would be tiring and takes longer time than to be in the meeting. We packed ourselves with 2 sets of pizza for dinner and stay on to participate in the meeting. It was not 100% efficient as compared to if we physically present there. But at least we get to contribute up to 80% would be good enough.

Today, I dropped dead in the morning. My fibromialgia with paint on my left side fingers came back since the last 2 days plus intense migrane. I can't really stand the rainy and cold weather. This easily triggered the problem. Hence my GP covers me with MC today so that I can sleep more and rest more as needed.

I must admit, it is too much workload to handle which in some ways raise my stress level. October and November seems to be very busy month in the office. Many times I promise to take things easy. But with so many official appointment given to me to participate and involve in Leadership team and several capability building initiatives really creates high stress level until I am able to manage it. The term some of us use..."cari makan" sound too familiar to me.

Anggerik merah
Oct 4, 2009 11:28 pm

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Life journey

A week had passed. That 3 days made me reminisce my childhood memory, how I grown up to be who am I until now, the sweet & bitter experiences in life as how Allah had it planned for me. Soul searching, life role model, true happiness and the ultimate destination in life…. Indeed life is a journey.

It protrudes through my heart and soul…. It is a shocked that I was longing for a long time…. HE had made me see it true only several years ago… the detachment and the love is only for HIM. The rest is what HE had loaned me… That feeling had come and goes in this rat race world I am in. I know, deep inside me I can’t reach it out.

Thank you ALLAH for bringing me back to that moment… all my life YOU had determined my path in life. At time I was too weak to realize and to accept it. Always, I am trying to find an answer which was in fact already there in this humble little heart overshadowed with undefined and searching for the true meaning of happiness.

Barangsiapa yang berdoa pada-Ku pasti akan Aku kabulkan, barangsiapa yang memohon pada-Ku, pasti akan Aku beri, dan barangsiapa yang memohon ampun pada-Ku pasti akan Aku ampuni. (HR. Bukhari Muslim)

Ya Allah Ya Tuhan kami, Engkau lembutkan lah hati kami seluruh umat mu di muka bumi ini untuk mengabdikan diri hanya kepadaMu. Bimbinglah kami ke jalan yang lurus dan jalan yang Engkau redhai. Ampunkan lah dosa-dosa kami dan terimalah taubat kami.

Anggerik merah
Oct 25, 2009

Friday, October 16, 2009

Demi matahari...

Demi Matahari Dan Sinarnya Di Pagi Hari..
Demi Bulan Apabila Mengiringi..
Demi Siang Apabila Menampakkan Diri..
Demi Malam Apabila Menutupi..
Demi Langit Dan Seluruh Binaannya..
Demi Bumi Dan Semua Yang Ada Di Permukaannya..
Demi Jiwa Dan Penyempurnaannya..
Allah Mengilhami Sukma Kebaikan Dan Keburukan..
Beruntung Lah Siapa Yang Mensucikannya..
Rugi Lah Siapa Yang Mengotorinya..

Angkatan ke -40 KL
16 Oct 2009

Sunday, October 11, 2009

Life without maid

House work is never ending and very repitetive to me. Sinking my weekend with house chores means less time for socialising and resting. We use to have a half day helper to do house cleaning but I am not very satisfied with her work. Many of my things "pecah" because her work style is so rough. I am looking for a new helper which can come twice a week and also doing ironing. Arranging to have one next week.

Yesterday another visit to Jentayu Spa to pamper myself.. The different this time is that I have to bare more than than usual during massage. It shows my deteriorating body after more than a month sans massage. Cycling do help to sweat and improve coordination. Much more work need to be done. I had enrolled myself for Celebrity Fitness Club to be opened next month just walking distance to a new mall. Keeping body and mind in synergy to keep going in life.

Anggerik Merah
Oct 11, 2009
12:17 pm

Friday, October 09, 2009

life goes on...

Still in the mood of raya. Full of Raya gathering at office and during weekend. Meeting old friends, new friends and relatives makes life more lively.

While the office work is tons and tons...never ending. Can't even re-distribute the work load properly. Meeting after meeting, workshop after workshop... make my blood goes upstairs when I feel so tired... Many NO coming from me. Forget about workoholic.... I am not....and struggle to get things done. Some new responsibility is given to me which I could not say NO if I want to stay in the corporate world unless I have other options.

But life goes on... and I am looking forward for weekend...cycling...

3 am
Oct 10, 2009

Sunday, September 13, 2009

4th Anniversary & Eid Mubarak

It has been 4 years since I first blogged. Time flies…

Surely I will continue … with Anggerik Merah as long as my fingers still able to knock-knock the keyboard. And this space is my space whenever I feel like writing on anything I feel like to write… the fun, the good, the bad and the ugly side of story… But mainly about my story…

This weekend was a bit of lonely weekend for my little family. Big man went back to hometown for his freelance work & meeting since Friday night. Leaving me with lil man… We both miss him and his home cook. This home misses one energy and loudness of rattling, laughing, quarrelling as part of day to day life. I wonder how they both feel whenever I was away…

Eid is coming soon… hati dan perasaan saya masih diawang-awangan… seperti tergantung diantara akan menghilangnya Ramadhan dan akan menjelmanya Syawal… Kegembiraan menyambut Syawal tidak seperti masa-masa yang lalu sewaktu muda… Entahlah…

Untuk semua rakan – rakan bloggers yang mengenali saya sebagai Anggerik Merah atau pun secara peribadi, ingin saya menyusun jari sepuluh ini memohon ampun dan maaf dari hujung rambut hingga ke hujung kaki seandainya ada salah silap dan keterlanjuran bahasa dan ungkapan dari saya. Sebagai manusia biasa saya selalu membuat kesilapan. Semuga hati ini bersih dari dosa-dosa yang lalu.

Selamat menyambut Syawal dengan penuh kegembiraan dan selamat sampai ke kampung halaman..

Salam kasih sayang untuk semua…

Anggerik merah
September 13, 2009
9:45 am

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Yang pergi

Dalam masa seminggu dah 2 orang saudara mara di kampung telah dipanggil oleh NYA. Kedua-duanya pergi dengan tiada meninggalkan tanda-tanda yang mendadak untuk pergi . Innalillah... semuga Allah meletakkan mereka di dalam golongan orang yang beriman. AMIN.

Anggerik merah
4:05 pm
September 6, 2009

Saturday, September 05, 2009

Mencari motivasi

Motivasi sangat penting dalam hidup saya. Saya perlukan motivasi yang amat tinggi untuk melakukan sesuatu supaya saya boleh pergi "all out for it". Semasa menjadi pilot case interviewee memang consultant british tu dapat pick-up strong karaktor saya..highly motivated, self driven etc etc.. keputusan interview memang match dengan soalan tulisan sebelum interview...

Disebabkan saya naturally berperangai begitu...setelah jatuh saya terpaksa mencari butang hijau kembali supaya saya dapat semula kekuatan itu..

Semalam saya godek2 diopis saya informasi berkenaan dengan Emotional Spiritual Quotients (ESQ) training ( )yang telah saya cadangkan dan di persetujui sebagai salah satu training yang saya akan pergi untuk tahun ini. Saya kontek organiser dan uruskan untuk mendapat kelulusan dari organisasi. Insyaallah pertengahan bulan depan saya plan untuk mengikuti training ini. Mengikut kata kawan2 yang terdahulu pergi, training ini adalah lain dari yang lain. Saya juga ingin melaluinya supaya saya dapat memperkemaskan leadership saya yang mengabungi intellectual, emotional dan spiritual.

Agaknya saya masih lagi tercari-cari role model dalam hidup saya walaupun saya dah tua... sesuatu yang dapat terus melekat dihati saya supaya saya tak gentar menghadapi kegagalan walau dalam bentuk apa pun.. Lebih pasrah dah redha dengan ketentuan Ilahi. Bukan senang nak membentuk hati. Kadang-kadang kekal dan kadang-kadang hanyut dalam material world ini..

Saya mengambil beberapa ketika mendengar feedback dari alumni ESQ dalm website itu. Sangat memberangsangkan...tetapi seharusnya ia terus dapat dikekalkan walaupun selepas melalui training itu. Saya berharap begitu untuk diri saya. Lagu "A hero lies in you" menyentuh hati saya...

Didalam blog ini banyak saya memperkatakan tentang diri saya kerana ini adalah tempat untuk saya meluahkan isi otak supaya saya dapat menyusun kembali negative energy yang ada dalam diri saya. Pada September 13, 2009 nanti dah cukup 4 tahun saya berblog. Masa yang cukup panjang bagi saya... Semuanya bermula semasa saya diperantauan menjalani hidup sebagai pelajar... Sangat penting dapat meluahkan isi otak supaya dapat megisikan dengan ilmu-ilmu yang baru dipelajari...

Saya yang mencari motivasi diri..

Anggerik merah
11:20 am
September 5, 2009

A hero lies in you

There's a hero
If you look inside your heart
You don't have to be afraid
Of what you are
There's an answer
If you reach into your soul
And the sorrow that you know
Will melt away

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

It's a long road
When you face the world alone
No one reaches out a hand
For you to hold
You can find love
If you search within yourself
And the emptiness you felt
Will disappear

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

Oh oooh
Lord knows
Dreams are hard to follow
But don't let anyone
Tear them away, hey yeah

Hold on
There will be tomorrow
In time
You'll find the way

And then a hero comes along
With the strength to carry on
And you cast your fears aside
And you know you can survive
So when you feel like hope is gone
Look inside you and be strong
And you'll finally see the truth
That a hero lies in you

That a hero lies in you
That a hero lies in You

Thursday, September 03, 2009

Cuba menulis lagi

Hari ini saya bekerja dari rumah. Beberapa bulan yang lalu saya telah berbincang dengan bos saya untuk bekerja dari rumah pasa hari hari tertentu bagi menyiapkan pembetulan thesis saya yang terbengkalai. Bos saya bersetuju dengan cadangan saya. Sekiranya ada mesyuarat yang penting saya akan pergi ke pejabat. Dengan sikap saya yang selalu memberikan 150% commitment untuk tugas, memang sukar bagi saya untuk kembali focus pada pembetulan thesis. Saya selalu mengingatkan diri saya atau cuba memotivasikan diri saya dengan berkata “tiada yang lain lebih penting kecuali thesis saya yang utama…“ Lebih kurang begitulah saya cuba psycho pemikiran saya. Tapi akhirnya saya masih tak dapat memberi tumpuan penuh… Saya lemah dan kesal..

Hari ini saya telah mencadangkan kepada pihak pengurusan untuk saya tarik diri dari memegang peranan dalam salah satu working group yang saya rasa saya sudah memberi yang terbaik selepas hampir dua tahun didalam working group itu. Saya harus melakukan ini kerana semakin banyak beban tugas yang telah diberikan kepada saya yang mana tanggungjawapnya lebih berat untuk melaksanakan. Satu working group saya tinggalkan, ada beberapa yang datang menyusul untuk saya…

Mungkin kerana saya sudah banyak memainkan peranan dan menampakkan diri saya semula di dalam organisasi. Saya cuba untuk jadi “low profile” untuk beberapa ketika tetapi lama-kelamaan saya kembali sebagai saya yang dulu… suka berdialog, memberi idea dan pendapat… Sekarang saya terpaksa belajar mengawal diri dari banyak bercakap kerana saya tahu tak semua warga organisasi suka berdialog, open-minded dan berhujah untuk merealasasikan sesuatu matlamat. Jadi, saya harus lebih berhati-hati walaupun saya tahu itu bukan cara yang effektif bagi saya…

Saya masih belajar bagaimana untuk balance work and life. Kadang2 saya berjaya tapi kadang-kadang tak berjaya. Saya yang suka menyelesaikan pekerjaan secepat mungkin apabila tugas & tanggungjawap diberikan seperti hari esok sudah tiada… ini yang saya harus balance kembali. Semenjak beberapa bulan yang lalu saya sudah hadkan masa saya bekerja. Saya mahu menumpukan masa yang lebih untuk hal-hal lain yang lebih penting dalam hidup. Semuga Ramadhan ini memberi saya peluang untuk lebih focus kepada erti kehidupan yang sebenar.

Saya yang cuba menulis lagi…

Gambar hiasan diambil sewaktu di Habtoor Resort & Spa, Jumeirah Road , Dubai

pix 1: outside Thai Restaurant
pix 2: spa toilet
pix 3: table in Thai restaurant

Sep 3, 2009
4:40 pm

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

Harga jari jemari

Jari jemari sangatlah berharga bagi saya. Juga semua anggota badan yang Allah pinjamkan. Semenjak saya didiagnose "fibromyalgia" yang telah bermula dari masaalah jari jemari saya, saya terpaksa mengawal kekerapan menggunakan jari jemari saya. Ini termasuklah berinternet, blogging dan juga kerja2 di pejabat saya yang memerlukan banyak ketuk mengetuk keyboard. Mungkin selama ini saya kurang memberi perhatian kepada betapa berharganya setiap anggota badan yang dipinjamkan. Satu peringatan untuk saya supaya bersyukur keatas segala pemberian dari Allah.

Kebelakangan ini saya kurang untuk menulis and menaip. Banyak bercakap, berdialog, memberi inspirasi kepada kawan2 di pejabat terutama yang masih muda untuk berusaha bersungguh-sungguh untuk mengembangkan perjalanan career yang mereka pilih. Itu sumbangan yang dapat saya berikan.

Untuk keluarga saya, lebih banyak masa saya peruntukkan dengan lil man dan big man. Mereka adalah semangat hidup saya.

Selamat berbuka puasa untuk semua..

Sept 1, 2009
5:22 pm

Monday, August 31, 2009


My love, we have seen it all
The Endless confession,The rise and fall
As fragile as a child
Lately I'm sorry I can't hold a smile

But I stand tall to get by
No matter how hard I try to hide
Did you know I take the time for you
Did you know that I would see you through
Did you know that I would play the part
I must've made it clear right from the start

My love, can you give me strength
Somehow I forgot how to ease my pain
I know I'm right where I belong
Something from nothing never proved me wrong

But I stand tall to get by
No matter how hard I try to hide
Did you know I take the time for you
Did you know that I would see you through
Did you know that I would play the part
I must've made it clear right from the start

I would shade my whole life with you
Would you do the same for me
I would give all I am to you
Would you do the same for me

And I will stand tall to get by
No matter how hard I try to hide
Could you see I've been brave
Did you notice all my mistakes
There were times I could feel you read my mind

Did you know I take the time for you
Did you know that I would see you through
Did you know that I would play the part
I know I made it clear right from the start

To the LOVE of my life...

Anggerik merah
4:43 pm
August 31, 2009

Saturday, August 29, 2009

A glance of Dubai

Anggerik merah
August 29 2009
5:45 pm

Friday, August 21, 2009


Salam untuk semua.

Selamat menyambut Ramadhan. Semuga segala ibadah kita akan diberkati oleh Allah.

Ampun dan maaf seandainya ada yang tersinggung dan terkasar.

Salam dari
Anggerik Merah
12:12 am
August 22, 2009

Sunday, August 09, 2009


The above pictures, I captured during my transit (to Mexico City) at Terminal 5, Heathrow Airport. A nive advert by Nokia.
Life have been on a mix of slow and fast lane. Slow because my body need it to be that way and fast because my brain need it to be that way.
Responsibility at work is increasing tremendously and learn to say NO to some that I will not be able give the great impact. As much I could, I am selective in doing things. Maybe the feeling of nothing to look forward to is there...
Will be on business trip again in a week time. This time to Dubai for a few days. A good break I had for almost 2 months just stay around within country. My for a while lost fren said to me that he didn't envy my travel here and there. I smiled at him and said that "me too". But most of the time, it is not by choice. The work require it...
Family has been back in tack ... quite a lonley life staying home alone. Guess what... I jailed myself in the house even during weekend when my two men were away from home. I watched all my favourite TV... Oprah. Anjakan Paradigma, Forum Perdana, Astro Oasis, world news, CEO Exchange, All the wanita series.... Yes, I reduced my activities on computer due to my fibromyalgia pain from shoulder down to fingers... Activities on computers include the work related. Tough ordeal...Both my arms are not doing too well. My fingers hurts, stiff and numb at a time. I am not complaining and trying best to deal with it. Redha dengan ketentuan disamping mencuba jalan pegubatannya. Alhamdullilah..
As the climb get really steep in many things, I took a deep breath and let it go. Keep the positive thots in mind...
Anggerik merah
August 9, 2009
9:08 am

Saturday, August 01, 2009

The Climb

I can almost see it
That dream I'm dreaming but
There's a voice inside my head sayin,
You'll never reach it,
Every step I'm taking,
Every move I make feels
Lost with no direction
My faith is shaking but I
Got to keep trying
Got to keep my head held high

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

The struggles I'm facing,
The chances I'm taking
Sometimes they knock me down but
No I'm not breaking
I may not know it
But these are the moments that
I'm going to remember most yeah

Just got to keep going
And I,
I got to be strong
Just keep pushing on, cause

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes I'm gonna to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

There's always going to be another mountain
I'm always going to want to make it move
Always going to be an uphill battle,
Sometimes you going to have to lose,
Ain't about how fast I get there,
Ain't about what's waiting on the other side
It's the climb

Keep on moving
Keep climbing
Keep the faith baby
It's all aboutIt's all about
The climb
Keep the faith
Keep your faith

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Hadiah harijadi

Hadiah harijadi ku tahun ini adalah memastikan diriku sihat sejahtera. Appointment di klinik Datuk Dr Siddiq dibuat untuk menjalankan analysis menggunakan teknologi baru mammogram. Teknologi mengguna electrical resistivity.

Semasa sessi kaunseling dengan doktor, analysis menunjukkan ada hot spot di bahagian kiri payudara, belakang nipple. Mengikut physical examination oleh Doktor, tak ada lump. Doktor telah membuat kesimpulan ini adalah berkaitan dengan "Estrogen Dominant". Hormon imbalance yang menjadi punca kepada hot spot itu. Doktor membuat analysis hormon dan keputusannya hanya akan diketahui minggu depan. Untuk masa ini doktor memberi hormon cream yang perlu digosok dibahagian kulit lembut setiap malam, B-complex kapsul dan juga magnesium oil untuk merendam kaki didalm air setiap malam.

Semuanya ini adalah alternative therapy untuk dicuba bagi masaalah fibromyalgia, chronic fatique dan juga hormon imbalance. Pastinya, diet mesti dijaga untuk darah jenis O positive. Saya harus buka semuala buku untuk membaca apa yang saya perlu makan dan apa yang mesti di letak ke tepi. Kesibukan hidup membuatkan saya dah tak berapa kritikal dengan makanan yang saya ambil.

Fikiran saya agak blur buat masa ini memikirkan apa yang harus saya lakukan seterusnya. Saya akan menunggu hari Sabtu depan untuk mengetahui dan berbincang lagi dengan doktor berkenaan dengan hadiah harijadi saya ini. Apapun saya mesti menerima dan mencuba yang terbaik untuk bertambah sihat.

Kedua-dua lelaki kesayangan saya masih di kampung. Dah 2 minggu saya keseorangan dirumah. Hujung minggu depan mereka akan pulang.

Saya tahu saya agak kebingunggan dengan perkara ini. Macam-macam berlegar dalam kepala saya. Tapi saya masih meneruskan rutin weekend saya berbasikal untuk mengeluarkan peluh. Cuma saya kena tahu bila saya raya penat, saya tak boleh lagi stretch over limit..

Anggerik merah
July 25, 2009
2:25 pm

Wednesday, July 22, 2009

Blessing of another year

Tomorrow, July 23, 2009... blessing of another additional year of my life. Thank you Allah for all that you had given me....

I have less effort of posting blog entry due to my fingers which constantly acking... Once in awhile I became a silence blog reader to some spaces of my interest...and some short note to old friends. Other than that I tried not to stare at PC too much at night after coming back from work. Will see if my eyes getting better.... This some little challenges in life leads to deeper thought about life and the life after...

My wish list...

Keep happy...

And some basic necessity of life..

Happy b'day to Anggerik Merah...

23 July 2009

Friday, July 03, 2009

Life goes on

Exactly after 2 weeks my brother in law passed away, it followed by Pak Long. It struck my mind that in our family the death does not happened too frequent. But once happened at least 2 others will follow. Pak Long follows... Much to write about Pak Long and until know my finger can't even write about it. Maybe one fine day... Yang pergi terus pergi...meniggalkan kenangan dan kebaikan yang ditinggalkan...yang masih hidup harus meneruskan kehidupan..

As of last night too many not so good news heard from back home. Father in law is still in ICU after 4 hours of operation due to complication with hernea and intestine. Big man had to rush back while I have to stay home to get lil man finish his final exam.

My blood test, brain CT scan and EEG was done this morning. Alhamdullilah so far CT scan are good and blood test shows reducing level of good and bad cholesterol... but my migrane still persist as indicated by EEG. My once in a while lost of vision could be due to migrane.

I have to be back on aggressive cycling after too pre-occupied with many things in life especially during weekend. I am tempted to treat myself for my b'day which will fall end of this month... The temptation is a slightly higher end mountain bike for more comfort for an off road and long distance cycling... and something that I could affort to pay...

Life goes on..

Have a nice weekend!

Anggerik merah
July 3 2009
7:30 pm

Friday, June 26, 2009

Masih jelas

Beralih musim ke musim
Hati tetap serupa
Tiada yang berubah
Dari hari dikau pergi
Dikau pergi

Penjara... hidup ini penjara
Tanpa ada simpati
Kepada sang kekasih
Yang dilanda, yang dilanda

Masih jelas setiap garisan halus
Bila senyuman kau ukirkan untukku
Masih jelas setiap lekuk penjuru
Menghiasi wajahmu
Waktu kau renung aku

Ratib sendu...
Ratib sendu bergetar dalam kalbu
Hingga menitis linang
Dari kelopak mata
Keranaku keranamu dipisahkan

Masih jelas setiap garisan halus
Bila senyuman kau ukirkan untukku
Masih jelas setiap lekuk penjuru
Menghiasi wajahmu
Waktu kau renung aku

Sudah suratan takdir begini
Segalanya sementara
Selagi hayatku masih ada
Kau bertakhta di hatiku

Beralih musim ke musim
Hati tetap serupa
Tiada yang berubah
Dari hari dikau pergi
Dikau pergi
Dikau pergi

Thursday, June 18, 2009


Another year to create
precious memories together.
Another year to discover
new things to enjoy about each other.
Another year to build
a life rich in love and laughter.
Another year to strengthen
a marriage that defines "forever."

Happy 21th Wedding Anniversary!
Note: Thanks baba for a lovely home cook beriyani to celebrate our another year...
Anggerik merah
June 17, 2009

Thursday, June 11, 2009

window wishes

Window 1
Window 2
Window 3
For the last one weeks, the three windows are my view during my fighting hard to get "FOCUS". Focus is not easy for my brain as it is always wanting to be distracted. Being alone is also a challenge for me... Cut-off from talking and meeting people for a moment of time and being away from LOVE one... just so dragging. Anyway...
Story about windows
Window 1:
For 4 days I was looking thru this window... in the midth of receiving sad news about demise of my youngest brother in law, fighting with PMS (i.e....wanting to sleep and no apetite to eat...thank God that I am now better at managing anger due to hormone change...), Force...force to recall what I had written... make some little progress I must say..
The room is extremely cool. No heater at all time. Padded myself with thick cloth. My wishes is that... please let the weather be better and better everyday...more sunlight
Window 2:
I had to move for one night because no room available. My beloved fren took me to her apartment, cook dinner for me. Yet, I am too tired to even think about dinner. I dozed off till early morning. When I woke up she left note to inform me that she went to school and to ask me help myself with food etc. She wishes me to stay with her so that I can be focused and don't have to spend money for accommodation outside. Many times I had to explain that I would prefer to stay on campus as I need to walk around when my brain got stuck and I could meet more people in the campus..
My previous experience had thot me a big lessons that I could not force to the maximum limit ...i.e. jailed myself for some period of time. I went to the opposite direction of being totally lost. The moral of the story for me is that get out for a while and come back. Something that was never in my vocabulary of life in the past. I kept on going and going endlessly just for the sake of there is no more tomorrow until I manage to sort things out...
While I am facing window no2....even for a short while, I do feel that experience again. Instead of kept going, I turn on music and did some aerobic exercise alone to warm up and loosen up some stiff muscle.. helps...but I still feel lonely.
Next, I am ready to move back to the same place as window 1. But, my window wish is that...let it be heater in the room to keep me reasonably warm, the table is closer to window so that I can always look outside, the window is greener and nicer view than the first one.
Window 2 has lovely view also... but I felt I jailed myself again in window 2 for not be able to associate much with outside world...
Window 3:
While checking in for window 3, i complained that the previous room was very cool. The reception told me that they normally switch-off the heater during summer and this is common the the local to experience this typical weather. I could only smile...and in my heart..yes..I had experience it but I have left it and my body can't stand it now... But the good thing is that they offer me extra duvet..
I checked-in to window 3 to find that the table was near the window and plenty of natural light that I can enjoy. I could only stay for about one hour in the room due to cold.. I got out to get some food from nearby store and came back to room. I was dancing to joy to find out that the heater was turned-on.
That was my mambo jumbo about window wishes.
Thanks Allah for my wishes come through. I hope I am not asking far to much.
Another most important thing is that I always pray in my life to be associated with kind hearted and nice people/friends who wish to be with me unconditionally.... and I do the same in return.
Yes, indeed in everyday of my life that wishes always come true. Too many that offering help and to be associated. Alhamdullilah and I am greatful for that wishes. May Allah pay back their kindnest and friendship.
I am counting days, yet I must admit progress is not as I expected. My wish is to make an exponential progress within a short time that remain. AMIN.
Salam from
Anggerik Merah
8:31 am
June 11, 2009

Sunday, June 07, 2009

Source of inspiration

Lil man has grown up to be big man #2 at exponential rate. Mama can always ask his opinion in many things. Just like a close fren. If mama need motivation and word of wisdom or a dua to help on getting the ball rolling, big man #2 can sometimes very mature in giving that motivation. I am amazed with his sudden maturity. Alhamdullilah, now I have 2 body guards in my life who always protect me in their own way...

Thank you darling...I miss you and I love you very much. Please dua for me in your prayer..

You are my precious gift of life source of inspiration

Anggerik merah
June 7, 2009
4 pm

Saturday, June 06, 2009

Away - cool - bike! (update -innalillah)

I am now in a faraway land again. I thot I could tolerate with cold weather slightly better...I was wrong. Right now the accommodation that I stay is so cool.... I am half freezing...feel like do not want to take shower and just wanna be under the duvet.

After finishing work related event for technical society for a week as a committe member, I have decided to stay longer here to do whatever I need to do. Lucky enough the guy from travel agent manage to re-arrange my flight ticket in the midth of his holiday with family. Here I am in the land of where I used to be some years ago...

I need to inform my bos about my overstay at my own cost and fix accommodation for the rest of the week.

I missed my family very much...especially both my men and my mom. It is countless time I called them everyday using local mobile as I could not afford to pay high phone bill using roaming service everytime I travel overseas...

I am not sure if the weather really make me feel really lonely. Must be... as I could not do much here.. no normal cycling...but my lovely friend here offer her bike even if I want to take back to Msia. How wonderful. Yes, it is a foldable bike which I might consider bring back and keep it in my car boot. It is kind of handy if I feel like cycling after office hour, I could do that....Well.. if I did not get excess baggage (with bunch of books and material I carried with me from KL) I might as well do that.

Another lovely fren would wish to have BBQ while I am around..will find time for that too...

Somehow, I am still finding ways to keep going and get it wrap-up...

I pray to Allah to help me...and keep my brain super-active and alive in the midth of cool weather. Give me back my courage and determination...

BTW, it is good to vary kind of exercise within a week instead of doing the same thing over and over again...

something like this...

Anggerik merah

June 6, 2009

8 am.


Just 10 minutes after posting the above N3, I got message from lil man said.."pakcik adik baba passaway...we are on d way to kampung"

Innallillah to adik. Semuga rohnya ditempatkan didalam golongan orang beriman. I called my mother-in-law to know the story. From her voice, she was very calm and compose and saying..."his time has come and next we donno when is our turn".... I can't hold my tears and emotion.

According to my mother -in-law, he had motor accident at about 11 am this morning not far from home. Trying to avoid another motor, he went to hit a tree instead. Rushing him to hospital could not save him and he was confirmed passed away at about 11:30 am. He is 25 years old.

I pray that Allah make some turning point in our life to be always reminded that we are all belong to Him. From Him we come and from Him we will return. Amin.

Friday, May 22, 2009

Move on...

Indian village, outskirt Mexico City

Terminal 5, Heathrow Airport

Infront of Hard Rock Cafe, Edinburgh

In front of Carlton, Edinburgh
No matter how hard and painful live takes us through...we must let go and move on...
11 pm
May 22, 2009

Beautiful song by Aizat
Ku cuba redakan relung hati,
Bayangmu yang berlalu pergi,
Terlukis di dalam kenangan,
Bebas bermain di hatiku..

Cerita tentang masa lalu,
Cerita tentang kau dan aku,
Kini tinggal hanya kenangan,
Kau abadi di dalam hatiku..

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan kau pergi,
Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati,
Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir,
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku
Cerita tentang masa lalu,
Cerita tentang kau dan aku,
Kini tinggal hanya kenangan,
Kau abadi di dalam hatiku..

Harusnya takkan ku biarkan kau pergi,
Membuat ku terpuruk rasa ingin mati,
Derita yang mendera kapan akan berakhir,
Hanya engkau yang mampu taklukkan hatiku

Aku cinta ooohhh..
Aku cinta oooo…

Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Sekadar luahan rasa..

Hidup ini sangat indah dan penuh keajaiban. Melalui sekala ujian dan cabaran adalah pengajaran. Airmata tak semudah mengalir seperti masa yang lalu. Hati keras seperti batu dan beku seperti ais. Kesedihan dan kerunsingan disimpan disebalik senyuman dan tawa ria. Halangan yang mendatang ditempuhi sebagai ujian yang pastinya dari Dia. Hidup ini hanya pada detik dan ketika ini dikala jantung masih berdetik.

Pic: Indian village, outskirt of Mexico City

Kalau dulu, hidup ini melihat masa yang akan mendatang yang masih jauh perjalanan. Tetapi saat dan ketika dilalaikan dan kurang dihargai. Kemana sebenarnya arah tuju... mungkin masih tercari-cari. Jantung berdebar-debar dan sesekala seperti dikejar atau mengejar sesuatu yang tak pasti apa yang dicari. Pelik sungguh pelik... tapi itulah hakikatnya.

Hari demi hari yang dilalui membawa seribu pengajaran yang tidak boleh dibeli dengan wang dan tidak boleh ditukar ganti... pengalaman hidup yang mematangkan fikiran dan memilih yang terbaik... Adakalanya hati ini takut sekiranya perjalanan dan perjuangan ini gagal apabila hampir ke penghujungnya. Tidak sanggup rasanya untuk menerima dan menghadapinya. Pemikiran yang demikian mengganggu ketenangan dan kedamaian dijiwa. Melemahkan usaha dan perjuangan yang masih ditangan. Ternyata ini adalah bisikan syaitan yang sering cuba untuk menumpaskan segala usaha dan melemahkan segala tenaga yang dicurahkan...

Persoalannya...dimana akhirnya perjuangan ini?...

Sudah tentu sampai masanya ia akan berakhir dan menutup tirai buat selamanya.

”Ya Allah, aku bersyukur keatas nikmat yang telah engkau berikan kepadaku sepanjang kehidupanku dibumi Mu ini. Aku bermohon kepadaMu Ya Allah, berikanlah aku kekuatan, semangat dan petunjuk Mu untuk aku lebih mendekati diriku kepadamu dan meneruskan perjuangan ini yang sekian lama tiada noktahnya. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah perjalanan ini. Hanya kepadaMu aku memohon dan meminta pertolongan. Dengan izinMu makbulkanlah permintaan ku ini. Amin Ya Robbal A’lamin”

Sekadar luahan rasa...

Anggerik M
10:40 am
May 20, 2009

Monday, May 18, 2009

My little man...

He has grown up too quick within a blink...

My lil man has grown up to be big man now...

My cousin called me the other day to tell the story.... When she called my house, she was wondering who picked-up the phone. Thinking that was my brother in law..

When she asked me... I sang to her.."Lelaki ini yang selalu mencintaiku.....". We both laughed..

Now lil man sound like big man already...

Where is my lil man aka lil baby???

I told my lil matter what he is still my baby!!

Anggerik Merah
May 18, 2009
11:43 pm

Sunday, May 10, 2009

Out of Africa - mencari rezeki di laut

Hasil tangkapan....ikan besar dari laut dalam di Atlantic Ocean.
Keldai menjadi pengangkutan utama dibandar maupun di persisiran pantai. Keldai yang sangat patuh dan taat kepada perintah tuannya

Walaupun si keldai berbadan kecil tapi keringatnya sangat kuat.

Nelayan menyimpan barang-barang setelah sehari di laut..

Berderetan sampan nelayan yang berwarni-warni di persisiran pantai setelah sehari berada di lautan

Nelayan mengheretkan sampan mereka dipersisiran pantai...Semuanya nelayan ini berkulit hitam.

Isteri-isteri dan ibu-ibu dan keluarga menunggu kepulangan keluarga masing-masing yang membawa pulang hasil tangkapan dari laut

Lagi yang menunggu dan mengagihkan ikan untuk dijual dan untuk di makan keluarga. Begitulah kehidupan mencari rezeki dilaut... Dimana bumi dipijak disitu langit dijunjung...Rezeki ada dimana-mana asalkan kita rajin berusaha dengan ikhlas hati dan mentaati pada perintah NYA.

Ini pula, mereka yang menjual susu unta di malam hari. Mereka berkhemah di khemah Badwi di dalam kegelapan malam di temani oleh angin dingin di padang pasir. Susu unta sangat sedap...dan saya suka. Saya diberitahu oleh rakan-rakan banyak khasiatnya untuk kesihatan...
Demikian serba sedikit gambaran perjalanan yang saya lihat ketika berada di sebuah negara di Afrika. Banyak yang saya pelajari dengan hanya melihat dan memerhati dan merasai akan kehidupan mereka yang sangat berbeza dengan kehidupan kita.
Ucapan SELAMAT HARI IBU UNTUK SEMUA. Semuga kita semua menjadi ibu yang berpengetahuan, penuh kasih sayang dan sentiasa dirahmati oleh NYA. Amin...

Anggerik Merah
May 10, 2009
11:00 PM

Tuesday, May 05, 2009

Taste of Sahara Desert

Dear All,

Apologise for not responding to the comment. I am back home after crossing several continents for several weeks. It was an experience which is priceless... I am still in Vampire mode. Sleep day time and wake up at night. Alhamdullilah so far manage to get away from that pandemic flu. My trip to Mexico city end of March was considered near miss. I left my trace there and a priceless experience too.

For the taste of Sahara desert... I will let the photos shares the story for now...

Anggerik Merah
May 6, 2009
3 am