Tuesday, January 30, 2007

Status: not so pleasant

Right now, I feel my body is falling apart. My head is very heavy. Maybe I had been crying a lot for the last 2 days. Why cry?? Too exhausted and trying hard to catch with time and had some traumatic experience in my subconscious mind. Since last nite I had acking body. I lost my appetite. I had not swallowed paracetamol for a very very long time but starting last nite I could not help it. Even sleep does not help much..the longer I sleep the more I felt tired....sigh..

When I am alone, I had become very emotional and buckets of water from my broken pipes...Check my calender...is it PMS again?...Emmm...why do I have to be too emotional during precious time like this?

Sorting out what to bring back with me is another things which make me feel so stressful as I could not bring too many and yet if I don't bring with me I might need it for my correction. God, please help me....At least, I need to stay healthy and not to fall sick. That is all I wish for right now. And I also wish that time is not pressing on me as I am afraid that I might have mental block to continue finishing my work.

I need a longgggggggggg break from many things now....

Monday, January 29, 2007


Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look what they can do when they stick together

-Vista M. Kelly, Author -

Stand up to your obstacles and do something about them. You will find that they haven't half the strength you think they have

- Norman Vincent Peale, Broadcaster and Writer -

To do something, however small, to make others happier and better, is the highest ambition, the most elevating hope, which can inspire a human being

- Sir John Lubbock, Banker -

Ya Allah, dipagi yang hening ini aku bersyukur keatas apa yang telah Engkau kurniakan padaku. Alhamdullilah, Engkau makbulkan permintaanku agar dapat aku lalui hari-hariku disini dengan lebih tabah & cekal setakat kemampuanku. Hanya Dirimu yang mengetahui apa yang terbuku dihatiku. Aku terima segala dugaan yang telah Engkau berikan padaku. Ampunkanlah dosa-dosaku yang lalu agar dapat aku meneruskan perjalanan hidupku ini dengan hati dan fikiran yang tenang. Ya Allah, permudahkanlah urusan ku, keluargaku, sahabatku dan seluruh umatmu dimuka bumi ini. Hanya kepadaMu kami memohon dan meminta. Amin.

Wednesday, January 24, 2007

Innocent faces

Nickname: Breakfast (little sister, my niece- Najihah), lunch (lil man - Fadhlul Wafi), dinner (lil brother, my nephew - Najihuddin)

Marissa Atifah's special pose ...my little niece and my child prodeigy (we share the same birthday, July 23)

Big eyes and serious face ( I love this face!)

The Murai's special pose (my cousin's son - Fawas)

I posted pictures of these lovely innocent faces so that I could come back and see (and talk to them also...) when needed. They make me smile and feel relax when I am tired of re-writing, re-thinking and reshuffling for correcting my T.
Oh my my...I felt so stupid on some part of my writing as I could not see or interpret as my Prof can see it.... Obviously I don't visualise much on the images and results I had in hand....Well it was in the sponsor's report & presented some years ago. Yes...I am lost in the maze for sometimes..in my own world.... Hence, I could not clarify what could be possible explanation on the phenomena observed....
Grrrrr...I need my imagination & visualisation mind back..... But all in all, I am so happy that my sup spent time to go through my T, as he always been busy in the past and difficult to find time...My spirit shoot up to the sky as things are clearer in my mind as we discuss and help to refine my boring & mundane writing. He reminded me again that I am always good at talking and can explain very well and sometimes difficult to stop me...but my writing didn't reflect that.... Hahaha..I reminded him that 10 presentations equivalent to 1 writing for me... Aha...have to brush up my writing skill to higher degree...
I must come out from my writing to see things....I guess, I was so much worry about not having a perfect/repeatable data etc etc..Obviously I have to forget it because much of work done in my T is exploring possible various novel methods for early warning and also explaining mechanism / phenomena which not well understood by many and what I discovered by plan or chance from my tedious & delicate experiments. Hence..."novel approaches" is the theme. Others who will carry on with this research have to make them perfect later... My work should be enough to set the foundation for further research in this area and expalining some phenomena....
Finally, I have to be well prepared to convince my examiner the major contribution from my work....Amin.
To all my friends in similar boat with me..let us kept going to the end...
Especially to Atenah on the other side of the land...we keep that promise of sitting down for teh tarik to laugh & smile about our journey...

My time "OFF" from blogging for a wee while!

Tuesday, January 23, 2007

With LOVE on your birthday

“What is a Husband?”

A HUSBAND is a special man –
he’s strong enough to lean on,
yet sensitive enough
to share his feelings.

He’s a man to take pride in –
for what he does
and for what he is…

He’s the one who SHARES
the secret places
of your HEART
where no one else
has been before.

He LISTENS to you,
and hears the feelings
that go DEEPER than words…

A HUSBAND does so much
to make your world better,
and fills you with

He’s the sharer of LAUGHTER,
and your very BEST FRIEND.


Your wife
Jan 23, 2007

Friday, January 19, 2007

I don’t want the FEAR to stop me!

Note: Simply to express the state of mind at some moment of time. After all this is part of life being happy, sad, anxious, inspire, fear etc etc... But it feel good to write about it...

Writing the emotional coaster at this moment was even difficult as I was fighting hard in my mind to stay with high spirit under circumstances of many challenges which affecting my emotion. I am not sure if I should write it to offload or just to let it battle in my mind. At this point of time I chose to write it. Sometimes I don’t understand why must I have this fear. At some moment I am battling hard to just let the emotion and negative thot pass through my mind so that I can continue with high spirit and move on with this so called battle. The battle which I must go through and wish of winning at the end of the day with God bless.

I woke up this early morning with feeling down again and burst of emotion. I was too tired last night. I just dropped myself on bed and make my space around my file and bag sack. I cried myself out until I don’t feel like crying anymore and stop feeling pity to myself of my weakness and matters which bring down my confident level. If only there is someone around, this emotion will be offloaded easily as I can speak out and let go this negative energy invaded in my mind through out my sleep. I am not sure if this emotion so much due to changes in my body hormone as I always experiences it every month. But I believe it is somehow partly contributed to it.

Anyway, I had tried my best to control this emotion as I could not afford to be down and sometime lost in my own space (read: my mind is blank, forgetful). All I know and all I want is to be in control of my emotional roller coaster inside me. Simply because I don’t want the FEAR (i.e. emotional roller coaster) stop me from what I need to accomplish. As much as possible I let it out from my mind. The reason of my writing is to offload my feeling so that I can feel better. Thank God that I had learnt to quickly switch on and off when dealing with emotional roller coaster.

Above everything I only pray to God to give me the strength and courage to go on and not to let my mind have any thot of leaving this battle even in my dream at this stage. I accept the fact that I am just a normal human being with limitation on my strength and weakness.

I feel better now…

Some simple tips/activities do help as a reminder:
Colin G Smith is a licensed Master Practitioner of Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) and author of 'The NLPToolBox', a personal development book that enables the reader to master any area of their life with amazing speed. Complete information on Colin G Smith's books are availableat his website, including a FREE personal development eBook. http://www.NLPToolBox.com

Have you ever had one of those days where you just wish you were in a better mood? Perhaps you tried to shift your state of mind to something better but struggled to achieve it. Sometimes we get stuck in our own 'stinking thinking' and forget how easy it is to feel happier, so here are seven simple ways to lift your mood that many people have found useful and some of them may surprise you!

1. Go for a walk. (walk around campus, smelling fresh air when it is not too cold..so pleasant! and a good physical exercise too. It was snowing yesterday and the weather is so wonder san galles)

Most folk know that going for a short daily walk is one of the best forms of exercise. If you can, go into a natural environment with flowers, trees and birds. What will you notice first? The different shades of greenery, the fresh smell of country air, the bird sounds, or the sunlight shining through the tree foliage.

2. Listen to some quality music. (from time to time when needed. Different types of music depending on what required to stimulate the mind and body...such as final count down, gemilang, feel, instrumental piano/violin, but Mozard make me want to sleep )

Music creates magical effects. It can shift the listeners state within moments. Why not dig out that album you haven't listened to in ages or why not tune in your radio to something you've never listened to before.

3. Think of others less fortunate. (always)
The fact that you are reading this article suggests that you are probably much better off than many, many people on this planet! What if you were to imagine being in space looking down on the amazing beautiful earth, noticing all the ocean sand lands with the clouds above... And then thinking about the fact that there are many human beings that are starving, homeless and in lots of pain... Allow your compassion for them to grow.

4. Read something radical! (I can't resist temptation whenever I am in the bookstore)

How many different types of magazines can you get these days?! Have you ever waltzed into a big news agents and just browsed through the magazine racks? It's incredible. Why not buy a magazine you wouldn't normally buy. You never know you may discover something wonderful!

5. Laughing at laughter. (Every opportunity to laugh...but not to laugh alone...orang ingat gilerrrr ke apa dia nih...heheh)

Have you ever had the experience when you just laugh for no good reason? Isn't it great! Laughter is one of the best ways to lift your spirits. Can't think of anything funny? Try grinning at yourself insanely in the mirror and notice how difficult it becomes to control your giggle muscles!

6. Simple breathing meditation. (Yes, very easy to do as I stick my butt on the chair most of the time)

A great exercise that you can do anywhere is a simple breathing meditation. No need to dress in orange robes. Simply find yourself in a comfortable sitting position with your back straight. Now close your eyes and become aware of the flow of air into and out of your nostrils. That's it! Do this for 10/15 minutes and you'll find yourself pleasantly surprised how you feel afterward.

7. Doodling just for fun! (Have not done this yet)
Remember when you were young and you used to doodle with crayons for hours. Kids love drawing silly little pictures, why not adults? So get some pens, pencils, crayons or whatever you have and just draw - doodle away until your state of mind shifts.

You might agree that these are all pretty simple and that's what's so good about them. Making changes, mundane or profoundly life-changing, are easily and quickly achieved by putting into action simple ideas, methods, tools and techniques.
Phone call from both lil and big man everyday do balance my life here!
Thanks to both my two lovers. I love you both very much. Muahhhh.....

Anggerik M,
Jan 19, 2007; 5:30 am

thots of the day:
You can conquer almost any fear if you will only make up your mind to do so. For, remember, fear doesn't exist anywhere except in the mind
- Dale Carnegie -
Just don't give up trying to do what you really want to do. Where there is love and inspiration, I don't think you can go wrong
- Ella Fitzgerald, Jazz Singer -

Friday, January 12, 2007

Counting minutes and hours

For the next few weeks I am really counting minutes and hours as time is so precious to meet heavy dateline.

Much I want to write and share about my journey, but for now I shall keep it for later.

Insyaallah, with HIS blessing, my spirit is high and my mind & body are maintained in healthy state to accomplish my current mission.

Will be back later and take care to all my beloved friends out there.


Anggerik M
Jan 12, 2007, 5 AM

Thots of the day:
Success is the maximum utilisation of the ability that you have
- Zig Ziglar, author -
Always dream and shoot higher than you know you can do
- William Faulkner, author -

Monday, January 08, 2007

A short break that is...

My time here in KL is passing so quickly. Most of my time spent with my two man of my life. At time when both are not around –one at work and the other one at school, I was left with my maid. One thing I noticed, I don’t have much desire to blog or write entry. Every time I want to write, always some needed time to spend around house, chasing after food at different restaurant/home or coach my maid where to place this and that and what to cook. Well...house work is never finish.

I spend considerable time to clear up books and things brought back from UK. All the boxes shipped from UK arrived many months ago. We need extra bookshelf for sure. Books are so priceless even if we could find many info from internet. But it is still not the same as reading books.

Now the house is more organized as compared to the first time I got back. I just can’t see books lying on the floor and boxes unopened. So I spend sometimes to clear up the house. Then I feel more organized in my brain to do writing.

The one thing that drain out my energy is driving in the heavy traffic. Maybe because I am so used for many years driving from home to school is only 5 minutes. Getting into the heavy traffic to reach some place cause me to be flat at night. Most of the time I have to sleep first then woke up in the middle of early morning to catch-up with writing, check email, read blog. etc etc. That is life.

In a couple days I will be flying back. To most of my beloved blogger friends, my apology for not informing that I am back earlier. I wish to meet and get to know many new friends who willing to fren to me but time is really short for me. Insyaallah when I am back for good I would like to have the opportunity to call and meet blogger friends. This time I only manage to get in touch with few through phone and meet one lovely blogger friend.

My parents just arrived to spend these remaining days with me and my family. My house is full of people from today onward. Hence I will have to give undivided attention to everyone.

Take care everyone and thanks for your dua for me to get through this challenge of finishing my goal. May you achieve yours too.
Loads of LOVE from me.

Thot of the day:

Building Friendships

You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you

-Dale Carnegie (1888-1955)-

Wednesday, January 03, 2007

Goodbye & welcome

I spent my Aidil adha & New year eve in Kampung, a place I grew up and live during my childhood. Life is at slow pace. No hurry, serene, quiet and time passed slowly. Meeting close and distant relatives was bliss even for a short while. Had a chance to visit the old folk and eat some most of scrumptious food. So yummy..

After sometime being away from relatives, everyone will observe and say something about me as expected. This is a typical comment about me which make me smile ear to ear and speechless…

1) look very very young and maintain. Didn’t grow old
2) put on weight which obvious from face, used to be pale and skinny
3) fairer completion, suitable with weather in UK
4) look like “anak dara” (read: virgin girl). Emm…this one I gulp… :-o

It was really a complement. To satisfy myself, I guess my aging process is inversely proportional to my metabolic rate. It may also attributed to my solitude, recent spa??, and mostly a reunion with nucleus family.

Observing the green and heavy traffic along the way on certain stretch of the highway plus new development is something which I had not experience for quite sometimes. I enjoyed driving and I was always a fast driver. However, my driving is safe. My reflection is sharp on the road. A skill which I had in me since young. Hence driving can also bring loads of energy and boost up self confident in me. It is also allow me to pause and ponder on happenings. One thing a must for me while driving is to have music. Without it I can easily fall asleep. Most of the time when I am not the driver, I will be in zzzzland for a long distance travel by car.

Back to chaotic life in KL was another kind of life. I used to like it , but now I find it is quite stressful especially when there is so many people in the shopping complex, so much noise to absorb, too slow to move from one place to another etc etc.. but that is how life is... have to re-adapt to it.

Since my new year eve is mostly spend to visit relative and had loads of eating and part of the first day of new year spend on the road…my thots, ponder and reflection for the past year and plan for new year is only in my brain rather than written . Last night I spend a bit of time, plan ahead and had detail of every bit and pieces. I don't waith for new year to eastablish resolution. I always do it from time to time within a year.

Reflecting 2006, I consider it as the most challenging year for me. But I am glad I had gone through it. It help me to realize what I want in life, re-learn many things , letting go and move forward. Although I have not yet come to the end of my goal being away from home country for the past few years, with God bless, I will reach there.

Good bye 2006 and welcome 2007.

To all my blogger friends out there and those who stop over…wish all of you a wonderful year 2007.

A friend forwarded this tips, I thot of sharing with everyone who had not read it or wish to refresh…a simple tips..

1. Throw out nonessential numbers.
This includes age, weight and height. Let the doctors worry about them. That is why you pay them.

2. Keep only cheerful friends.
The grouches pull you down. (keep this In mind if you are one of those grouches;)

3. Keep learning:
Learn more about the computer, crafts, gardening, whatever.
Never let the brain get idle.
"An idle mind is the devil's workshop."
And the devil's name is Alzheimer's!

4. Enjoy the simple things.

5. Laugh often, long and loud.
Laugh until you gasp for breath. And if you have a friend who makes you laugh, spend lots and lots of time with HIM/HER.

6. The tears happen:
Endure, grieve, and move on.
The only person who is with us our entire life, is ourself. LIVE while you are alive.

7. Surround yourself with what you love:
Whether it's family, pets, keepsakes, music, plants, hobbies, whatever. Your home is your refuge.

8. Cherish your health:
If it is good, preserve it.
If it is unstable, improve it.
If it is beyond what you can improve, get help.

9. Don't take guilt trips.
Take a trip to the mall, even to the next county, to a foreign country, but NOT to where the guilt is.

10. Tell the people you love that you love them, at every opportunity.

Thots of the day:

All successful people, men and women, are big dreamer. They imagine what their future could be, ideal in every respect, and then they work every day toward their distant vision, that goal or purpose.

-Brian Tracy, business author-

p/s internet is really crawling...really testing my patient..hence i cud not down load pics in my blog