Friday, December 29, 2006

Self treat

Still able to post another entry during this early morning while everyone is in the zzzzland..

It was a long overdue spa treatment (the last one was 6 months ago) which I had not get the opportunity. Indulge myself with 4 hours spa treatment (truely heavenly: arouse your sense with a blend of erotic recipe. Leaving you feeling passionate and desirable ??) at Jentayu spa in Damansara was a bliss. A good start and refreshing for body and mind to celebrate new year. I told messeaur (sp?) that my wish is to model Sheila Majid for body fitness & youth look...hehehe...This will be one of my new year resolution or personal agenda for 2007.

I-medic Pro Osim chair is a new collection of our family self treat. Hopefully, it will be a daily habit to make full use of it for us who don't see much day light during weekdays. A long distance travelling from house to office and chaotic life with traffic will add to stressful life.... So far the excitement of using Osim chair particularly for big man is still progressing well. 15 minutes just to sit and relax on it would not be much time demanding.

My lil man is glued to me most of the time. He still play hide and seek around the house just to get my attention. I love it. When ever I stay up late night to do work, he will join me giving reason that he is also experiencing something like jet lag. I make a joke asking him what kind of jet lag without being in the plane. He smiled and laughed. We have more time spend together especially when the big man is off to work and outstation.

After being apart from him for almost 6 months, our reunion really bring loads of smile and laugh everyday. The three of us really enjoy every moment when when we were together for brisk walk around housing area, watch movie, eat out, shopping and doing some other chores. At time the lil man will act as a friend to me whenever I need some opinion from him or vice versa in between the baby act. I like it when he comments the way I dress-up, driving etc etc. He can tell if I dress-up correctly for some occasion.

Precious time to be with family which I enjoy every moment of it...Part of my activity for a winter break...

May all of us have a prosperous new continue to be happy and healthy! Amin.

Thots of the day:
" Out of clutter, find simplicity. From discord, find harmony. In the middle of difficulty lies opportunity"
- Albert Einstein -

Thursday, December 28, 2006

Ku tanya hati...

Ku tanya hati
Ku tepuk dada sendiri
Manakah hala perjalanan ku ini?
Terasa sangsi masih ke belum mengerti
Adakah aku dilanda laluan pasti ?

Bertanyaku pada bayu yang menumpang jalan
Apakah berita yang suci dari sempadan ?
Berikan petunjuk hidayah dan pesanan
Bawakan doaku terus ke takhta pangkuan

Berbalas pandangan mataku dengan sang bulan
Bagaikan bicara mengharapkan pengertian
Moga disusun bintang yang berselerakan
Menjadi landasan laluan perjalanan

Ku tanya hati
Apakah bisa aku dikhianati
Dengan kata hati yang tidak pasti
Atau akukah yang tidak mengerti
Betapa berharganya hati yang suci

Indahnya hati pemberian Allah
Akan ku jaga biarpun payah
Akan ku hiasi dengan sifat mahmudah
Akan ku singkir sifat mazmumah

-Mata hati-
Petikan dari buku motivasi Ubat hati, Siti Nor Bahyah Mahamood
I am aware that my entry is full of songs and matters at heart. Nothing else. I guess this is the only avenue for me to write this kind of writing. Let it be…
Meeting two of my old friend last night. One of them (which I lost touch for more than 12 years) asked me to ponder the lyric of a song by Robbin William entitle "feel". According to this fren, it was a sudden impulsive thot somehow this song do associate with me and ask me too look at it. I thot it was weird. Some unanswered questions lingering in my mind but I don't dare asking more what triggered this song..I don't make any judgement, I don't rationalise but what I did was ... just smile and laugh for no particular reason...and I just let the thots transit and leave from my brain..
Came back home, I look up for the lyric of this song (which all this while I never bother to understand) and capture here...
Come on hold my hand
I wanna contact the living.
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given.
I sit and talk to god
And he just laughs at my plans,
My head speaks a language,
I don’t understand.
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins,
going to waste.
I don’t wanna die,
But I ain’t keen on living either.
Before I fall in love,
I’m preparing to leave her.
I scare myself to death,
That’s why I keep on running.
Before I’ve arrived,
I can see myself coming.
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in.
’cause I got too much life,
Running through my veins,
going to waste.
And I need to feel, real love
And a life ever after.
I cannot get enough.
I just wanna feel real love,
Feel the home that I live in,
I got too much love,
Running through my veins,
going to waste.
I just wanna feel real love,
In a life ever after
There’s a hole in my soul,
You can see it in my face,
it’s a real big place.
Come and hold my hand,
I wanna contact the living,
Not sure I understand,
This role I’ve been given
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.
Not sure I understand.

This might be the last entry for this year in case I might not get excess to internet for sometimes during this festive season.

Wishing everyone Selamat Hari Raya Aidil Adha and Happy New Year whereever you are.
Thot of the day:
"Success is not measured by what you accomplish but by the opposition you have encountered, and the courage with which you have maintained the struggle against overwhelming odds"
- Orison Marden, writer -
Loads of love from AM

Sunday, December 24, 2006

Memory lane... Belaian Jiwa

Sehari bersama dengan orang yang kita sayang walaupun susah, adalah lebih baik dari seumur hidup bersama dengan orang yang kita tak sayang” --- familiar script to those who watched malay film entitled CINTA.

A film with loads of lessons learn and a film to be proud of. Another reason/urge for me to watch this film (with my love one, yes....just the two of us) was because I came to know that the script writer was my relative. I only met her when she was a little girl. I don't think I will recognise her now if no one told me it is her. A month ago while reading a review article from newspaper abt this movie, it struck my mind after reading her name (together with her husband, Kabir Bahtia). A familiar name with only two person that I know of with the same name in our family circle. Now I know why my mind was wondering at that time.

Syabas Nik Samira! Proud of you and wish to see more of your future success. Never thot you have that talent & interest.

My heart was really touched watching this movie. In particular the scene between Harris-Airin-Alisa (a conflict of married couple with kid) and Dyan-Dhani (a love & sacrifice between sibling). I do not wish to say much about this movie as others did loads of review already. I tend to agree with everyone…the best movie of the year! Thumb up.

Another beautiful script…

Sering kita terlalai mengejar apa yang belum pasti
hingga kita terlupa
Meraikan satu-satunya
perkara yang menjanjikan kebahagiaan
CINTA (captured in my earlier entry)

This film also brought me back to my childhood with soundtrack of BELAIAN JIWA (A song which I sang last year at forum captured in this entry).
This song reminded me when I was 14 years old. A goodbye party to form 6 sisters leaving school for college. I was asked to sing this song that night. This left tears to everyone to share good memories. It felt good to reflect those memories again while watching this movie…

Seindah tiada lagi kau ku ingatkan
Sayang kau hilang
Menanti biar sampai akhir hayat ku di dunia ini
Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir menentukan ia
Oh belaian jiwa
Oh angin, sampaikan lagu ku padanya
yang sedih pilu
Terimalah lagu ku jadi teman hidup mu
Untuk selamanya
Kau tahu bertapa ku sayang padamu
Hanya bidadari sebagai ganti
Hanya takdir
Menentukan ia
Oh belaian jiwa

Belaian Jiwa

Friday, December 22, 2006

Once upon a time

I left my flat on December 10, 2006 after staying there for almost 10 months. Pictures below taken on the last day to capture memories there.

My bed in master bedroom which is seldom used.

Sofa in the living room which is heavily used for sleeping during my stay at home.

Single bed in another room which I never used.

If I could catch a rainbow
I would do it just for you,
And share with you its beauty
On the days you're feeling blue
If I could build a mountain
You could call your very own,
A place to find serenity,
A place to be alone
If I could take your troubles
I would toss them in the sea,
But all these things I'm finding
Are impossible for me
I cannot build a mountain,
Or catch a rainbow fair,
But let me be what I know best,
A friend who's always there
- Kahlil Gibran

I left this flat with happy & sad begin a new life... to forgive & forget
A beautiful song from Samsons - Kenangan Terindah
aku yang lemah tanpamu
aku yang rentan karena
cinta yang hilang darimu
yang mampu menyanjungku

selama mata terbuka
sampai jantung tak berdetak
selama itu pun aku
mampu tuk mengenangmu

darimu….kutemukan hidupku
bagiku…..kaulah cinta sejati…

bila yang tertulis untukku
adalah yang terbaik untukmu
kan kujadikan kau kenangan
yang terindah dalam hidupku

namun takkan mudah bagiku
meninggalkan jejak hidupku
yang tlah terukir abadi
sebagai kenangan yang terindah
(note: the above lyrics is for the sake of enjoyment. Have nothing to do with anyone or anything)
Good-bye / sayonara / adios /au-revoir...
Thot of the day:
"It is good to have an end to journey towards; but it is the journey that matters, in the end"
- Ursula K Le Guin, author -
Dec 22, 2006

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

A space to think

Is solitude something that we should actively seek or is it to be feared?

We’re so used to filling our days with people and distractions that we rarely consider the benefits and rewards of time spent alone.

(Caroline Roberts, Psychologies Magazine, January 2007)

Finding solitude,

1. Make time
Fitting alone-time into our lives can be a challenge.
Aiming for a short period everyday:
Even 5 minutes just staring out of the window can be restorative.
If possible, go for a walk or sit in the park.
A treatment such as massage can also provide an opportunity for reflection.

2. Clear your mind
Solitude can help us get in touch with our emotions, but to do this we have to tackle our racing minds.
Simple meditation techniques can help such as observing running water or visualizing a place that makes you feel calm.

3. Let go
It’s pointless spending your precious moments alone dwelling on things you can’t do anything about.
Acknowledge the presence of these thoughts, but try to let them pass through your mind without emotionally engaging with them.

4. Abandon your guilt
Don’ feel you have to spend every moment with your partner or family. Time alone can benefits relationships.
Negotiate with your partner to give each other breathing space.

5. Don’t force yourself
If you find that solitude makes you anxious or sad, there may be unresolved issues. Consider talking to a professional.

Solitude facilitates learning, thinking, innovation and the maintenance of contact with the inner world of the imagination.

(The above extracted from Psychologist Magazine, Jan 2007).

Yes, I had been reading this magazine every month during spare time or at a time when I need to divert my mind to something else other than my technical research. Also it serves as one of the ways to keep myself on positive thinking.

The above tips maybe so trivial to some of us, especially to myself. But sometimes we tend to forget when our mind in the state of irrational for whatever reason. I capture this to remind myself. Anytime anyday if I need a reminder, I can always come and read this entry.

This year is almost ended. I am still reflecting the past and also thinking about my future resolution. Not that only end of the year I does this but I always make it a point to ponder from time to time what had I accomplished for myself and others. To be honest, just recently I started to collect my future dream after being drown into the state of focusing only on specific goal in life.

I reflected those years that I had experience with solitude especially in the last several months. Flashing back many events and challenges I have to face, I focus my brain to keep the entire good one and put aside the bad, ugly on one corner of my brain.

To summarise, this is the life experience I had been through for the last several years.

1. Married woman with a complete family unit (a husband and a son)
2. Single parent with one son
3. Married and single life

These stages of life that I had been through teach me a lesson to appreciate others who have to live their life for certain category, to understand the challenge and how to adapt in different situation.

Many friends do questions me for having to go through these, but sometimes I left with no choice in hand. I have to decide what the best is at that particular time with HIS guidance. This life experience is priceless. I learn to know myself and to be myself and what is important in this life for me.

To my beloved fellow bloggers, wishing you:

Selamat hari raya Qurban & Happy New Year.

Dec 20, 2006.

Wednesday, December 13, 2006


Last few nites I was really full of energy like I used to in the past. Hence, my brain is more effective for touching up my writing. Could be many reasons.

1. Ganoderma premix does make me alert and I am addicted to it…heheh (Dear Has, I think it work for me!).

2. My other half has been emotionally supporting me from distance. That make a big different as I need it to keep going. This process is affecting me emotionally. More than I thot I could handle. I almost lost the so called “Iron Lady” trait in me. I was given a trait mark “ Iron Lady” by some colleague within the company. Hehe…how “lembik” I felt offlate.

3. The thots of going back and to be with my beloved family drive me forward. Family members are so anxiously waiting for me to be back. I have to be ready for makan here and there and being pampered…

4. Fellows bloggers who never fail to inspire me. Even if I thot of not blogging but it has become part of me. I felt like I miss something if I didn’t meet my virtual fellow bloggers. Thanks for being there for me. Even if when I am alone, I felt as if I was surrounded by everyone around me.

5. Friends around me who always there to entertain my ups and down. Even the weather is depressing, I almost ignore it. In fact I enjoy walking in the rain.

6. The goal of finishing the remaining chapters for my supervisor to read during his holiday as he promise. I know that it may not be perfect and flawless. But I have to pass to him whatever I could do now. Emmm...I work better under pressure??

This morning, I met Sayed from Oman at prayer room during Fajr time. Sunrise at 8:30 am. We exchange our current experience of our struggle to finish. Both of us at the same time line. Good to talk about it.

I just came back from airport sending my supervisor back to his country for holiday since he needs a lift. We had a good talk and laugh about life in the car on the way to airport. Well, I am more of listening to him and affirm on some points which he brought up. I felt we had not had that kind of talk for a long time as he always busy with project work and had not much time to spare for the student.

Nevertheless, I tried to calm him down as he told me he always has panic attack everytime he needs to travel. The reason being he has to remember many things what to bring along and worried about leaving his house. One thing that strikes me this morning when I am in his office is that he asked me to confirm the direction of Kiblat. I am not sure why he asked me. I thot maybe he needs to say some prayers to reduce his panic attack of travelling. Whatever the reason is, may God be with him and protect him during his journey and holiday.

The fact that I am not very highly productive...I need a break from this place...

Well, I better get back to what I need to do now… then a break.!!!!

Dec 13, 2006

The brick!!!

My friend forwarded this message to me today...I paste it here for me to read and to share with you...

A young and successful executive was traveling down a neighborhood street, going a bit too fast in his new Jaguar. He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something. As his car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag's side door! He slammed on the brakes and backed the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown. The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed him up against a parked car shouting, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That's a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?" The young boy was apologetic. "Please, mister...please, I'm sorry but I didn't know what else to do," He pleaded. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop..." With tears dripping down his face and off his chin, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. "It's my brother, "he said "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up."

Now sobbing, the boy asked the stunned executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me." Moved beyond words, the driver tried to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. He hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a linen handkerchief and dabbed at the fresh scrapes and cuts. A quick look told him everything was going to be okay. "Thank you and may God bless you," the grateful child told the stranger. Too shook up for words, the man simply watched the boy! push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. He kept the dent there to remind him of this message: "Don't go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!" God whispers in our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don't have time to listen, He has to throw a brick at us. It's our choice to listen or not.

Thought for the Day:
If God had a refrigerator, your picture would be on it.
If He had a wallet, your photo would be in it.
He sends you flowers every spring.
He sends you a sunrise every morning Face it, friend - He is crazy about you!
God didn't promise days without pain, laughter without sorrow,sun without rain, but He did promise strength for the day, comfort for the tears, and light for the way.

Read this line very slowly and let it sink in...
If God brings you to it, He will bring you through it.

YES, I love you too darling

Monday, December 11, 2006

Ignore me...

I was hurt.

It was painful.

And I want all of those hurt and pain to leave me forever.

This early morning, alone in the office, I can’t control my emotion.
Surge of emotion on things that I had gone through.
I can’t stop crying. I hate it whenever I can’t stop crying.

Switching my brain to be positive do help for awhile..then that emotion come back.
I wish I could just sleep and wake up to forget about that surge of emotion.
I tried to sleep but still I could not stop crying.
Finally I decided to write in my blog to let go of emotion.

10 months I was in that flat, time passed really quickly. Yesterday was the last day I was there and I spent the night to sleep in the bed for the last time. I had not been in my flat much offlate as the office is my first home. I work, sleep and eat. I have to consume premix coffee with Ganoderma extract everyday to keep alert and awake during this time (Has dear, thanks for supplying this to me!). As expected, gloomy weather, cool wind and rain plus shorter day light enhance the tendency to sleep and eat a lot more.

My landloard was the best ever landlord I had here. Similarly, his fiancee & he felt about me as the tenant. I owe them much for their hospitality, kindness and generousity. Generousity because they didn't even charge me for 10 days extra stay in the flat during this month. I almost shocked and asked them if they were sure about it. I told them, if I had to stay longer here, no other place I would wish to stay except this flat. A combination of lovely flat and landlord and also serenity of environment.

I said goodbye to 22 Dolphin Road. Loads of memories left which was a life lesson for me. Happy, sad, good & ugly memories which I treasured as part of my still learning and knowing myself better as a person while I was going through this process.

Part of life. It is always like a roller coaster. Sometimes we are downhill and sometimes we are uphill.

Life must go on...

As the day begin in a few hours, all this will be hiding behind my sweet smile even if with my red and swollen eyes.

"Allahuma inni a'uzubika minal hammi wal hazan"

maksud: Ya Allah lindungi lah aku dari menyesal perkara yang lepas dan merisaukan perkara yang akan datang.

December 11, 2006

Saturday, December 09, 2006


My Russian officemate will tie knot next week at the age of 22. He is more like my little brother in this office. We do have some common interest talking about purpose of life and what is important in life. He continued to work on some of my effort on the project which I initiated as part of my PhD and also deliverable to project sponsors.

Knowing that he decided to get married very young, all of us asked him a trivial question..." Are you sure? ". Well, he seems not having a second thots about it. I notice that he is more alive and happier after his girl friend joined him here in the last several months. For obvious reason, love & passion exert loads of energy and life in his heart.

Before he left to Russia yesterday, I told him to give me a big hug. The reason being, the next time I see him, he will be a married man already.

So, he honoured my request. He gave me a big hug to his little sister and he hold me up the same time he was saying to me "you are very light". All of us in the office broke into a big laugh with his comment. Suddently he put me down and hold me up for the second time...hahaha...all of us in the office kept on laughing. The happy mood surrounded the office environment.

We are happy for the choice he made in his life. We wish him and his beautiful bride all the best and be the happiest and loving couple forever.

Congratulation to Ivan and Marina.

Both of you meant to be together.

Congratulation to my dear beloved fren "A" for successful thesis defence with very minor correction on Dec 5 and another beloved fren "I" on Dec 6 with no correction. Being part of providing some moral support to both of you before your defence and the joyful feeling upon completion really inspired me. It reinforce my dream, imagination and wish to go through that stage.

Dec 9, 2006 4:20

Monday, December 04, 2006


Thanks so much my Love...

It is lovely card and I love it so much...

I always LOVE you and MISS you much...

View from bedroom window during rainy day...

Dec 4, 2006 20:02