Monday, December 11, 2006

Ignore me...

I was hurt.

It was painful.

And I want all of those hurt and pain to leave me forever.

This early morning, alone in the office, I can’t control my emotion.
Surge of emotion on things that I had gone through.
I can’t stop crying. I hate it whenever I can’t stop crying.

Switching my brain to be positive do help for awhile..then that emotion come back.
I wish I could just sleep and wake up to forget about that surge of emotion.
I tried to sleep but still I could not stop crying.
Finally I decided to write in my blog to let go of emotion.

10 months I was in that flat, time passed really quickly. Yesterday was the last day I was there and I spent the night to sleep in the bed for the last time. I had not been in my flat much offlate as the office is my first home. I work, sleep and eat. I have to consume premix coffee with Ganoderma extract everyday to keep alert and awake during this time (Has dear, thanks for supplying this to me!). As expected, gloomy weather, cool wind and rain plus shorter day light enhance the tendency to sleep and eat a lot more.

My landloard was the best ever landlord I had here. Similarly, his fiancee & he felt about me as the tenant. I owe them much for their hospitality, kindness and generousity. Generousity because they didn't even charge me for 10 days extra stay in the flat during this month. I almost shocked and asked them if they were sure about it. I told them, if I had to stay longer here, no other place I would wish to stay except this flat. A combination of lovely flat and landlord and also serenity of environment.

I said goodbye to 22 Dolphin Road. Loads of memories left which was a life lesson for me. Happy, sad, good & ugly memories which I treasured as part of my still learning and knowing myself better as a person while I was going through this process.

Part of life. It is always like a roller coaster. Sometimes we are downhill and sometimes we are uphill.

Life must go on...

As the day begin in a few hours, all this will be hiding behind my sweet smile even if with my red and swollen eyes.

"Allahuma inni a'uzubika minal hammi wal hazan"

maksud: Ya Allah lindungi lah aku dari menyesal perkara yang lepas dan merisaukan perkara yang akan datang.

December 11, 2006


Kak Teh said...

aminnn! I hope you are okay. Memories do come back, good and bad, sad and happy. It is life, isnt it? we cope, we have to. and you will. Insyaallah.

Queen Of The House said...

Anggerik, tempat jatuh lagi dikenang. I'm sure that place holds many memories for you. So you are letting go of the flat .... does that mean your T is almost over?

Anonymous said...

i am wondering the same as our the T over?

Lollies said...

me too? sedihkan nak tinggalkan something that we learn to become fond of?

anggerik merah said...

kak teh,
I am ok, Insyaallah. Just need to release my thot. Thanks. One day will meet you in London.

Yes, it is nearly there.

Nearly there. Cud not wait to put it aside.

very true. But life must go on kan.. Treasure every moment of happy, sad, good & ugly lah..heheh.

rubyahmad said...

Being away from our loved ones and having to do jihad all on one's own is triply (or more) more challenging. You have that inner strength in you, Anggerik. Hang in there. Whatever the outcome HE (from up above) plans for you, insy is the BEST outcome.

anggerik merah said...

Kak Ruby,

thanks so much. You never fail to inspire me.