For the last one weeks, the three windows are my view during my fighting hard to get "FOCUS". Focus is not easy for my brain as it is always wanting to be distracted. Being alone is also a challenge for me... Cut-off from talking and meeting people for a moment of time and being away from LOVE one... just so dragging. Anyway...
Story about windows
For 4 days I was looking thru this window... in the midth of receiving sad news about demise of my youngest brother in law, fighting with PMS (i.e....wanting to sleep and no apetite to eat...thank God that I am now better at managing anger due to hormone change...), Force...force to recall what I had written... make some little progress I must say..
The room is extremely cool. No heater at all time. Padded myself with thick cloth. My wishes is that... please let the weather be better and better everyday...more sunlight
I had to move for one night because no room available. My beloved fren took me to her apartment, cook dinner for me. Yet, I am too tired to even think about dinner. I dozed off till early morning. When I woke up she left note to inform me that she went to school and to ask me help myself with food etc. She wishes me to stay with her so that I can be focused and don't have to spend money for accommodation outside. Many times I had to explain that I would prefer to stay on campus as I need to walk around when my brain got stuck and I could meet more people in the campus..
My previous experience had thot me a big lessons that I could not force to the maximum limit ...i.e. jailed myself for some period of time. I went to the opposite direction of being totally lost. The moral of the story for me is that get out for a while and come back. Something that was never in my vocabulary of life in the past. I kept on going and going endlessly just for the sake of there is no more tomorrow until I manage to sort things out...
While I am facing window no2....even for a short while, I do feel that experience again. Instead of kept going, I turn on music and did some aerobic exercise alone to warm up and loosen up some stiff muscle..
Boy...it helps...but I still feel lonely.
Next, I am ready to move back to the same place as window 1. But, my window wish is that...let it be heater in the room to keep me reasonably warm, the table is closer to window so that I can always look outside, the window is greener and nicer view than the first one.
Window 2 has lovely view also... but I felt I jailed myself again in window 2 for not be able to associate much with outside world...
While checking in for window 3, i complained that the previous room was very cool. The reception told me that they normally switch-off the heater during summer and this is common the the local to experience this typical weather. I could only smile...and in my heart..yes..I had experience it but I have left it and my body can't stand it now... But the good thing is that they offer me extra duvet..
I checked-in to window 3 to find that the table was near the window and plenty of natural light that I can enjoy. I could only stay for about one hour in the room due to cold.. I got out to get some food from nearby store and came back to room. I was dancing to joy to find out that the heater was turned-on.
That was my mambo jumbo about window wishes.
Thanks Allah for my wishes come through. I hope I am not asking far to much.
Another most important thing is that I always pray in my life to be associated with kind hearted and nice people/friends who wish to be with me unconditionally.... and I do the same in return.
Yes, indeed in everyday of my life that wishes always come true. Too many that offering help and to be associated. Alhamdullilah and I am greatful for that wishes. May Allah pay back their kindnest and friendship.
I am counting days, yet I must admit progress is not as I expected. My wish is to make an exponential progress within a short time that remain. AMIN.
June 11, 2009