Hi BIG BOY --- part two

This is baby Alif when he was 4 day old. Now he is 2 months already.

Rumbling & offload

It has been 4 months since I left UK. Time flies and being here in Msia, with a rat race life style, time is moving extremely fast. Believe it or not, I don’t even have time to write down my thots as I used to do before be it in my blog or in my personal journal. Sometimes I wonder, am I really too buzy running around? Indeed yes I am. During weekdays, at least 2 hours of my time is spent on the road everyday. My schedule is filled-up with work load more and more. Well, that is what I am paid for. I have no complain but I enjoy being able to contribute.

Now that lil man finished his exam and big man is on road to recover from his recent hospitalization, I spend more time to focus on work & expectation out of it, catching up with what I had left for many years. Loads of thinking and recalling on technical matters. Hence, by the time I reach home everyday, I am mentally and physically shut down. As far as work is concerned, I am preparing myself for leadership opportunity for possible Technical Management line and also Technical path interview very soon. I have to move on, even with a little step ahead.

To ponder…

It is important in our day to day lives that we create memories of success and achievement through celebrating our success, no matter how small.

Every time we make progress, however tiny, we have overcome the fear, doubt, anxiety or limiting belief that was previously holding us back.

During recent mother’s day, both of my man presented me a book entitled “now, discover your strengths” by Marcus Buckingham. (Thanks darling, I love both of you so much!). I have read till chapter 3 and supposed to do “strengthfinder profile” before proceed further. Will continue to finish the book this weekend. The purpose is to find where we have the greatest potential for strength. The book is stressed more on natural talent being the most important element in strength. Another two element are knowledge and skill which can be acquired. Yes, I am revisiting my strength ….

My earlier voyage is still not completed. It hunted me in my dream and everytime when I in the mood to proceed but something else need my attention...sigh. Not that I gave up, I never give up because I can see through now that one day it will be mine. When I am in that mode, my energy drain out and my behavior change…I am in different world and only my own world. But there is no other way out but to complete it. What I don’t understand is that everytime I am in that mode, something would happen to my family…i.e. my big man being hospitalized for the second time since I am back and my lil man with his tantrum & school rejection. That totally make me come back to reality and deal with matter in hand first. Maybe it is just a test from HIM to make me see through …I accept it even if I felt and wonder a lot in my mind why so much obstacle that I have to go through. It was very difficult to describe the feeling and emotion in words. Nevertheless, I keep accepting and keep building strength in me.

Since I was back, I had made a plan and proceed with income protection insurance scheme to protect myself and family in the event of my death or total disability. In a way, it forces me to put aside money rather than spending unnecessarily. As you know I am the big spender culprit especially when I am under stress!

I must stop my rumbling now before it become too crowded. Me offload my brain content..

From AM's mind,

May 19, 3:18 am

Been too BZ running

Been too BZ running between Lil man's school, Big man's hospital, office, student examiner task at hotel and house giving me no chance to download my draft entry in my brain.

One of my wish lists is to have some kind of recorder attached directly from my brain and translating into words then I can automatically post the N3. I had seen in TV the R&D on this type of future technology.

Emmm... life is too much depending on technology nowdays.

Anyway, let me wish:

HAPPY Mother's Day to every mother, mother's to be and all woman out there

...keep moving and stay strong!

Life that is...

Life has been a struggle for me...sometimes too many tests which I could not cope. And hence make me burst out when I am alone. I am so afraid to stay alone too long. But the good thing is that I am good with on and off button...I am better at letting the emotion invade me and then let it go far far away fast enough before it drag me too far.

Now, I am back to "bertapa" mode at office when no one around...me and my brain and my novel. But I found it a bit depressing. Could be because of my hormone swing and also I had not taken ganoderma for almost a week now. And I left home to office today with not so peace of mind. With my lil man's "not so very pleasant behaviour" and tantrum drive me crazy. Sometimes I donno what to do. My patient been tested all the time. At time I do feel that I want to leave everything else in life just to focus on his development.

Much I wanted to share in this blog about what I had been through in the last few months. The exciting and sad stories. But, everytime I sit in front of PC, I don't even know how to put it in words..then I just forget it. Maybe it is best not to write about it at this moment. Sometimes it is much easier to speak about it...

We have been very serious on cycling. Reaching 10 km per trip..up and down the hill... Everytime we stretch the limit. Have not yet shift route to FRIM. Maybe after lil man finish his exam.

Life is on the fast again...back to rat race...life that is!