HOME ALONE

Life can be very interesting & challenging too. When we are in certain situation sometimes we try to figure out how to survive. To begin with, we thought we could manage to survive. But in reality we have to struggle to be able to survive.

What really triggered me to write is very much related to what I had experienced being “HOME ALONE”. For the past few months, I learn a lot how does it feel to be HOME ALONE. So much that I experience & appreciate those who survive being HOME ALONE whether by choice or circumstances.

Not after I was able to speak my mind to a counsellor did I really realize & thought about the situation of HOME ALONE, the process of finishing up T and being away from the love one all bundle in one. Many friends did share with me their experiences. But I guess each of us may have some differences that we have to face. And it make a big difference if we personally talk about it face to face because the body language is also a language which tells many story behind it apart from just voices, words and metaphor.

I had two sessions with the counselor for the last 2 weeks. That was after my GP suggested me to see her first before going through any medical check-up. I suspected something was grossly wrong with me after I had this extreme lethargy and didn't seem to recover quickly. With the counsellor, I just spoke out my mind whatever the feeling, emotion et cetera. She suggested that we meet-up every week just to talk about anything or something or nothing. I found it to be very helpful. During the first session, she cried after listening me speaking my mind. I felt guilty when people cry listening to my story so I started to mix it up with the positive side and also the funny side of everything. Many times I just burst out my emotion. It feel good.

At the end of second session, I noticed that I gain more self confidence back into me and I can think much well about the whole things that clouded my mind for a while. Many things I tried to accept so that I can move on without much looking back. Not that I want to look back but sometimes it is not easy to program mind not to look back especially being HOME ALONE.

The counsellor made conclusions and I agreed with her. My current state of mind, in general is very exhausted and lonely. This caused some depression, anxiety and stress. It is normal to feel like this especially for those who have to go through this process. The challenge is how well can I manage. It is very important to have support from friend and family. In my case, I started to go back to physical activities such as walking & jogging which I left for while. With the extraordinary weather, this makes it more exciting to do. I am sharing this because I want those who have gone through similar experience with me to know that you are not alone!

Please don’t get me wrong about meeting counsellor. Not that I don’t mix around with people but I do make a choice of whom I speak my mind especially when it comes to matters related to the true feeling, emotion & life matters. I don’t burst my emotion & feeling right in front of anyone. That is just me be it good or bad. Sometimes we know that not everyone interested to listen to our story and other people also have their own to handle. At work, I focus on work related as I preferred to isolate work and personal matters. Moreover, I was in the situation which all the time my work is surrounded by man since I am in the man world. Like people said if you can’t beat them you join them. So I seek to understand and learn to be a good listener a lot.

In the case of blogging and virtual/cyber world, I found it therapeutic as most people said. But sometimes it can be difficult to manage also. Words can be interpreted with different ways. It could be misinterpreted and sometimes leads to mis-understanding. It is interesting but it can caused headache too. For the case of HOME ALONE like me, I bound to be attached to friends from blogging world who have genuine interest to what I wrote and vice versa. Some virtual friend I do become acquainted with and know more about the real person. That is really a gift to friendship.

I began writing my blog with not knowing much about the blog world. Only after my friend pointed out to me there is such an evenue. Just a place for me to write something that come into my mind, experience I had in the past and many things that I am currently experience which I want to share. Also a place where I want to be heard and to be listened to. Being HOME ALONE, the more I want to write because I have no one to talk to when I am at home except talking to myself. My brain is so busy thinking all the time. Sometimes managing a busy brain can also be a challenge. Like my supervisor told me a few months back before he got married. He said he has a bad habit. He need to record his thought before he can go to sleep. Otherwise he cannot shut-off his brain. So his wife to be has to accept his so called bad habit...

Right now, I reach to the stage that I want to take a break for a while very soon.

To those who are HOME ALONE..this is part of it I can share as I go through this experience for the last 6 months. Being HOME ALONE give me space to reflect my past, live now and plan for future...

A HOME ALONE
Thursday July 20, 2006 1:30 AM