Hidden pain

I didn’t remember when the last time I really burst into tears. To cry is good..At this time as I woke up for my prayer, I could not help it…the pain which I try to hide, it is burst out in this peaceful morning hours while others are in their dream land.

I manage to hide and suppress pain inside me very well for many many months, just for reasons that I want to bring back the positive in me and pull all the strength, to be back on my feet. To some extend it make me to be bold enough keep continue with life…accepting what is coming and live in a moment of time.

But the burden that I carry on is so hard on my shoulder… I bleed inside whenever I remember about my unfinished commitment that I still carry with me and whenever someone ask me or call me with the title. Sometimes I kept on thinking why it is so hard for me to get it through. I am grateful to Almighty to see all my friends had finally got through it.

Every time in my prayer, I kept on asking HIM to make it easy for all my friends and I to get through it. Alhamdullilah, most of friends that I know finally succeeding after the hard work and sacrifice. I am so happy for them and I dance to joy to hear good news about them. It also helps to keep giving me that strength to see it through the end. But so much that I have to take on board and I felt that I don’t have much energy to get to the finish line sometimes.

Nevertheless, it is not in my vocabulary of life that I will not be able to get through it. It just that so many obstacles that I had to pass through in life of which I had to set priority.

I pray to HIM to give me all the strength, peace of mind and barakah to reach to the end….AMIN.

Only HE knows what is in my small mind and heart…

Coming from heart and soul,

Anggerik merah
August 9, 20008
3:30 am

Note:

I will be on the jet plane from tonight. Will only be back next Sunday. Total travelling time will be more than 24 hours. I set my mind to enjoy the journey and may Allah keep me fit to accomplish whatever I have to accomplaish there. It will be a short trip as I have to cut short my stay to rush back home for a very important presentation to the top most committee....

Whenever all critical things to accomplish will happen almost at the same time...I try to just smile and take it as it comes... No more expected to be all perfect...more like enjoy the cruise and be who I am...

Update: August 9, 2008...

wake up in the morning feel fresher as battle with PMS is over... Whenever body hormone take control of body & mind, everything appears to be impossible to accomplish. Simple things can be forgotten, body and mind coordination goes hire-wire. Prefer to be alone in own world...hate socialising. Do not argue as I am always right and do it my way. I can be a lion king at no time...