Hadiah harijadi

Hadiah harijadi ku tahun ini adalah memastikan diriku sihat sejahtera. Appointment di klinik Datuk Dr Siddiq dibuat untuk menjalankan analysis menggunakan teknologi baru mammogram. Teknologi mengguna electrical resistivity.

Semasa sessi kaunseling dengan doktor, analysis menunjukkan ada hot spot di bahagian kiri payudara, belakang nipple. Mengikut physical examination oleh Doktor, tak ada lump. Doktor telah membuat kesimpulan ini adalah berkaitan dengan "Estrogen Dominant". Hormon imbalance yang menjadi punca kepada hot spot itu. Doktor membuat analysis hormon dan keputusannya hanya akan diketahui minggu depan. Untuk masa ini doktor memberi hormon cream yang perlu digosok dibahagian kulit lembut setiap malam, B-complex kapsul dan juga magnesium oil untuk merendam kaki didalm air setiap malam.

Semuanya ini adalah alternative therapy untuk dicuba bagi masaalah fibromyalgia, chronic fatique dan juga hormon imbalance. Pastinya, diet mesti dijaga untuk darah jenis O positive. Saya harus buka semuala buku untuk membaca apa yang saya perlu makan dan apa yang mesti di letak ke tepi. Kesibukan hidup membuatkan saya dah tak berapa kritikal dengan makanan yang saya ambil.

Fikiran saya agak blur buat masa ini memikirkan apa yang harus saya lakukan seterusnya. Saya akan menunggu hari Sabtu depan untuk mengetahui dan berbincang lagi dengan doktor berkenaan dengan hadiah harijadi saya ini. Apapun saya mesti menerima dan mencuba yang terbaik untuk bertambah sihat.

Kedua-dua lelaki kesayangan saya masih di kampung. Dah 2 minggu saya keseorangan dirumah. Hujung minggu depan mereka akan pulang.

Saya tahu saya agak kebingunggan dengan perkara ini. Macam-macam berlegar dalam kepala saya. Tapi saya masih meneruskan rutin weekend saya berbasikal untuk mengeluarkan peluh. Cuma saya kena tahu bila saya raya penat, saya tak boleh lagi stretch over limit..

Anggerik merah
July 25, 2009
2:25 pm

Blessing of another year

Tomorrow, July 23, 2009... blessing of another additional year of my life. Thank you Allah for all that you had given me....

I have less effort of posting blog entry due to my fingers which constantly acking... Once in awhile I became a silence blog reader to some spaces of my interest...and some short note to old friends. Other than that I tried not to stare at PC too much at night after coming back from work. Will see if my eyes getting better.... This some little challenges in life leads to deeper thought about life and the life after...

My wish list...

Keep smiling...be happy...

And some basic necessity of life..

Happy b'day to Anggerik Merah...

23 July 2009

Life goes on

Exactly after 2 weeks my brother in law passed away, it followed by Pak Long. It struck my mind that in our family the death does not happened too frequent. But once happened at least 2 others will follow. Pak Long follows... Much to write about Pak Long and until know my finger can't even write about it. Maybe one fine day... Yang pergi terus pergi...meniggalkan kenangan dan kebaikan yang ditinggalkan...yang masih hidup harus meneruskan kehidupan..

As of last night too many not so good news heard from back home. Father in law is still in ICU after 4 hours of operation due to complication with hernea and intestine. Big man had to rush back while I have to stay home to get lil man finish his final exam.

My blood test, brain CT scan and EEG was done this morning. Alhamdullilah so far CT scan are good and blood test shows reducing level of good and bad cholesterol... but my migrane still persist as indicated by EEG. My once in a while lost of vision could be due to migrane.

I have to be back on aggressive cycling after too pre-occupied with many things in life especially during weekend. I am tempted to treat myself for my b'day which will fall end of this month... The temptation is a slightly higher end mountain bike for more comfort for an off road and long distance cycling... and something that I could affort to pay...

Life goes on..

Have a nice weekend!

Anggerik merah
July 3 2009
7:30 pm

Masih jelas

Beralih musim ke musim
Hati tetap serupa
Tiada yang berubah
Dari hari dikau pergi
Dikau pergi

Penjara... hidup ini penjara
Tanpa ada simpati
Kepada sang kekasih
Yang dilanda, yang dilanda
Kehilangan...

Masih jelas setiap garisan halus
Bila senyuman kau ukirkan untukku
Masih jelas setiap lekuk penjuru
Menghiasi wajahmu
Waktu kau renung aku

Ratib sendu...
Ratib sendu bergetar dalam kalbu
Hingga menitis linang
Dari kelopak mata
Keranaku keranamu dipisahkan

Masih jelas setiap garisan halus
Bila senyuman kau ukirkan untukku
Masih jelas setiap lekuk penjuru
Menghiasi wajahmu
Waktu kau renung aku

Sudah suratan takdir begini
Segalanya sementara
Selagi hayatku masih ada
Kau bertakhta di hatiku

Beralih musim ke musim
Hati tetap serupa
Tiada yang berubah
Dari hari dikau pergi
Dikau pergi
Dikau pergi

Twenty-one

Another year to create

precious memories together.

Another year to discover

new things to enjoy about each other.

Another year to build

a life rich in love and laughter.

Another year to strengthen

a marriage that defines "forever."

Happy 21th Wedding Anniversary!

Note: Thanks baba for a lovely home cook beriyani to celebrate our another year...

Anggerik merah

June 17, 2009

window wishes

Window 1

Window 2

Window 3

For the last one weeks, the three windows are my view during my fighting hard to get "FOCUS". Focus is not easy for my brain as it is always wanting to be distracted. Being alone is also a challenge for me... Cut-off from talking and meeting people for a moment of time and being away from LOVE one... just so dragging. Anyway...

Story about windows

Window 1:

For 4 days I was looking thru this window... in the midth of receiving sad news about demise of my youngest brother in law, fighting with PMS (i.e....wanting to sleep and no apetite to eat...thank God that I am now better at managing anger due to hormone change...), Force...force to recall what I had written... make some little progress I must say..

The room is extremely cool. No heater at all time. Padded myself with thick cloth. My wishes is that... please let the weather be better and better everyday...more sunlight

Window 2:

I had to move for one night because no room available. My beloved fren took me to her apartment, cook dinner for me. Yet, I am too tired to even think about dinner. I dozed off till early morning. When I woke up she left note to inform me that she went to school and to ask me help myself with food etc. She wishes me to stay with her so that I can be focused and don't have to spend money for accommodation outside. Many times I had to explain that I would prefer to stay on campus as I need to walk around when my brain got stuck and I could meet more people in the campus..

My previous experience had thot me a big lessons that I could not force to the maximum limit ...i.e. jailed myself for some period of time. I went to the opposite direction of being totally lost. The moral of the story for me is that get out for a while and come back. Something that was never in my vocabulary of life in the past. I kept on going and going endlessly just for the sake of there is no more tomorrow until I manage to sort things out...

While I am facing window no2....even for a short while, I do feel that experience again. Instead of kept going, I turn on music and did some aerobic exercise alone to warm up and loosen up some stiff muscle..

Boy...it helps...but I still feel lonely.

Next, I am ready to move back to the same place as window 1. But, my window wish is that...let it be heater in the room to keep me reasonably warm, the table is closer to window so that I can always look outside, the window is greener and nicer view than the first one.

Window 2 has lovely view also... but I felt I jailed myself again in window 2 for not be able to associate much with outside world...

Window 3:

While checking in for window 3, i complained that the previous room was very cool. The reception told me that they normally switch-off the heater during summer and this is common the the local to experience this typical weather. I could only smile...and in my heart..yes..I had experience it but I have left it and my body can't stand it now... But the good thing is that they offer me extra duvet..

I checked-in to window 3 to find that the table was near the window and plenty of natural light that I can enjoy. I could only stay for about one hour in the room due to cold.. I got out to get some food from nearby store and came back to room. I was dancing to joy to find out that the heater was turned-on.

That was my mambo jumbo about window wishes.

Thanks Allah for my wishes come through. I hope I am not asking far to much.

Another most important thing is that I always pray in my life to be associated with kind hearted and nice people/friends who wish to be with me unconditionally.... and I do the same in return.

Yes, indeed in everyday of my life that wishes always come true. Too many that offering help and to be associated. Alhamdullilah and I am greatful for that wishes. May Allah pay back their kindnest and friendship.

I am counting days, yet I must admit progress is not as I expected. My wish is to make an exponential progress within a short time that remain. AMIN.

Salam from

Anggerik Merah

8:31 am

June 11, 2009

Source of inspiration

Lil man has grown up to be big man #2 at exponential rate. Mama can always ask his opinion in many things. Just like a close fren. If mama need motivation and word of wisdom or a dua to help on getting the ball rolling, big man #2 can sometimes very mature in giving that motivation. I am amazed with his sudden maturity. Alhamdullilah, now I have 2 body guards in my life who always protect me in their own way...

Thank you darling...I miss you and I love you very much. Please dua for me in your prayer..

You are my precious gift of life ...my source of inspiration

Anggerik merah
June 7, 2009
4 pm