Today

I hate to say good-bye because I know when someone stays in my heart, he or she will always be there. Far yet near.

Sending my lil man to the airport together with my beloved friend and her family yesterday, really break my heart. But I have to let it go. She for one, who always be there to hear my predicament and also introduce me the blog world. A place which I could pour my heart out and finding more meaning in life.

It is hard to really find a friend who can share the happiness & sadness. Laugh & cry together. In the blog world, I finally met many friends who knows the real me and also friends who can accept me as I am. Life is not too lonely and everyone has his/her share of journey in life. I appreciate all the friendship be it in the real world or in the virtual world.

Arriving home yesterday…I find a total emptiness which I could not describe by word. The moment I step in my flat, I close myself to the world. It is just me and myself. I felt the presence of my lil man and my beloved family friends who put up a night in my flat before leaving this place yesterday morning. My friend had accomplished her mission here. I am yet to accomplish mine.

Whatever was left in this flat from yesterday morning was untouched. The only thing that remembers about yesterday was me praying & sleeping. Waking up this morning, I thought I will be quick enough to bounce but I am still dragging myself out of my bed to the kitchen and living room. I found myself too exhausted to do anything. I still don’t know how to begin.

As soon as I got a call from baba to let me talk to lil man, I feel much better. Baba told me that lil man asked him to let him back to UK and he misses mama so much. Talking to him inject some fuel in me to keep moving. We had phone conversation several times until he falls asleep at night back home. My beloved friend send message saying that she arrived safely and mentioned lil man was fine in the flight except that he dream of me and call me in his sleep. Talking to mak make me feel better too as I don’t have to explain to her how I feel. She knows it very very well.

Somewhere in different land, another friend who can feel what I am feeling right at that moment called me. It felt so good to talk about something & many things. That is the gift to our friendship. Thanks to you my friend. You bring me smile, laugh and giggle which I temporarily lost.

About my lil man, a lot I could write ever since he spend these short precious moment with me here for over 3 weeks. But I don't have much time to write about it. He teach me about what unconditional love mean. A life lesson for me indeed.

These 3 pictures is specially dedicated to uncle Idham in Jeddah & untie Simah in Turkey who asked mama to hug lil man upon his arrival early this month. Also to other uncles and unties out there with the same wishes. Also not to forget to uncle Count who wrote entry about mother-son reunion. To uncle Count, mama & lil man went to Penicuik to bring back your old memories. Have some pics to be shared later when time permit.

Lil man with red shirt was the day he arrived in UK on June 3, 2006. Next is the last nite lil man slept with his mama on June 28, 2006. With white shirt, on the plane to London on June 29, 2006. Lil man love reading so much. He was reading novel on the plane which he collected from Blackwell bookstore. Mama started to read to him when he was 3 - 4 months old. Since then he becomes book lovers.

Friday, June 30 2006