Last two days, my mind was brought back to my late grandma. What triggered it?
A moment of reflecting my childhood after Tarawikh prayer at school’s prayer room. I was alone in the woman section. I was early that nite thinking that they will start earlier since the Isyak prayer time has shifted to be earlier. I spent the time to recite several pages of verses while waiting for prayer time. I guess when I am all alone my mind can go thinking and remembering whatever the mind wish until I snap back to present time.
My thought that nite was my late grandmother. She was the one who guided me a lot in spiritual believe. Still remember when I was a little girl even before starting school; she brought me to mosque for tarawikh prayer, Aidil Fitr and Aidil Adha’s prayer with her. Being a little girl, I don’t really understand all of this. What I knew was just to follow what my grandma said and did. Whenever I was tired of following, I just went running around the mosques to kill time with other friends, like a normal kids. Suffice to say that it provide some kind of inner believe which instill inside me.
When I grew up, I always curious about many things and I was always gone against what I was not supposed to do based on religious believe. Finding my own path probably the closest I could describe. Having said that, everytime there was tendency to do too much beyond what was forbidden, it was always an inner voice inside me which stopped it. With my inquisitive mind, I do wonder and I do questions about it. What is it really that hold me back?
No matter what, it was always reflecting to my childhood life, the way I was brought up within family which strictly observed religious believes, even as I grow up, I have to admit, I don’t consider myself so serious follower. But...I am finding my true path..let it be a baby step and keep on progressing little by little...
My point is that, most often than not, the way we brought up does influence our behavior and action.
To my dearest late grandma aka TOK…my soul is with you.. Even we are in two different world, I always ask for your dua for me to be strong to go through all the hardship in my life.
Thank you for showing me all that. And I am missing you much. My prayer is always for your peaceful soul in the other world. AMIN.
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Monday Oct 9, 2006.