Thursday, March 02, 2006

Replied email to a friend.

Holiday…emmmm I am really looking forward to it…but I have to put my butt on the chair and read the book which tell the story about XXX and I have to pretend that it was so exciting to read it. Since this morning I had been skipping many many pages and choose only chapters that is easy to understand and at the surface only..sob..sob..Anyway..I will look at holiday inn offer! More reward for me if I finish my writing…2 for 1? Who should be with me then?

I donno if my other half really serious abt it (appying for VSP). I did not get a chance to talk to him in detail. Everytime we had VC, we did not get a privacy to talk abt us. Instead my 1.5 year old niece will conquer the VC with my mom supervision. So my other half had to run away.

I called home this morning while dressing up to school. My mom told me that my other half had not been to work since yesterday. I am not sure if he already started to feel missing the lil one if the lil one comes here for holiday. I think he is losing himself a lot lately. Like he is not looking forward for life anymore. Missing me and lil one from his life is just so empty for him. I also donno what to do with him. He had been so sensitive. Maybe because of his sickness. May be because of serious discussion that we had when he was here recently.

I had been a strong woman all this while but I donno how long I can last like this. Feel like too much that need to hang on to my shoulder. I also need a shoulder to depend on and being protected and being guided in my life. I had been getting a lot of help in the past year directly or indirectly (from some doctors and also blogger’s friends) and I found my true self, I hope. I had stopped feeling pity to myself and I want a life. I hope I can continue to survive and keep my sanity! Yoga and Pilate do help though..

I am slightly better expressing my thought by writing. Cakap tak pandai. I end up freezing my mouth if I talk abt my inner negative feeling/problems.

Sorry lah panjang pulak I membebel…Life goes on..

Take care and bye.

Caution: You are responsible for your own interpretation & judgement!

Recent update:

Allah had his own ways of giving the answer and sending through the message instantly

Mama,

I never reliazed how much I miss you until the "lil one" came back.

For the last 3 years I try to be tough by blocking myself from feeling of being together as a family. It has caused a lot of effect on my health.

Still I am finding hard to express myself.

I love you very much and miss you a lot.

8 comments:

bergen said...

When it comes to facing up the challenges of life, women win hands down. I know, I grew up with them.

There's a theory that emotionally men is the weaker sex, quite frankly, I tend to agree. I've seen too much of this happening. But a woman, she will go on strong. Like Aunt. And Grandma. And Cousin.

anggerik merah said...

Berg...it seems to be true!

About the wayang padang...good suggestion that you gave to Diran K.

Ely said...

bergen's comment captured my theory too. i have male friends telling me that women handle emotional feelings better cos they talk it out of their system. men tend to cramp all their feelings inside and these feelings work like termites in a wooden house...it eats the house up.

are u working on how to keep ur family geographically together?

anggerik merah said...

Ely, I donno lah..my head is a bit biul at this time! My two mans are missing me much back home. I miss them too but I am struggling to maintain my emotional feeling so that I can focus on my writing and be home soon. I can't seems to have focus right now. I tried to switch-off that frequency and get moving with my T writing. On my God help me...I am going home now to read Yassin rather than sticking my butt at my office chair and not progressing with any words or thought!

dr in the house said...

Rindu adalah satu kesiksaan,
Namun rindu adalah satu ujian,
Penguat jasmani, roh dan iman,
Rindu boleh juga bertukar nikmat,
Tatkala yang dirindui mendakap rapat!
Sabarlah wahai AM,
Kerana rindu adalah satu kesabaran,
Di sisi Allah swt jua, mendapat keberkatan!

maklang said...

Take care.....

Queen Of The House said...

AM I can only hope and pray that everything will work itself out and life gets better for you. I can only imagine how difficult this separation is for your little family. You'll pull through, insyaallah.

Ordinary Superhero said...

Hang on tough dear.