April 22, 2002
Was in the office in the afternoon to check on exp. and plan to analyse new data. Spend half of the day to touch up and fill-up the hole in T. Funny that the entire plan that I placed together has to be shifted due to constraint in the facilities. It really brings down my energy and enthusiasm and motivation. Well, we can only plan but sometimes it does not go as what we expected it to be.
In the office, I was glad because no one in there. I conquered the office to have piece of mind. I did not close the door because I am kind of alternating myself in and out between office and lab. I heard someone knocked the door and it was “A”. For quite a while I did not see him around my office. “A” from Turkmenistan currently doing his Msc. I have to add, a very good looking gentleman. Being surrounded by too many good looking Middle Eastern man around me, I don't have a culture shock.
We had a chat about the study and also what to look forward to after finishing. As we kept talking then personal matters came out. Everything lies in personal matters when we want to create our dream and future. He shared with me his pass experience. He did tell me bit and pieces every time we bump into each other. But being myself who does not want to provoke a person to tell the whole story if the person is not ready so I just lent my ear. Although I know previously he wants to share more.
He appeared to be surprised when I told him that I had a family after him asking me what is my plan. I will quickly finish and go back to my family, work and country. He never thought that I am married with one kid. Most people will not suspect so. The reason being, I am small size (typical being Asian…) and being a full time student with my faded jeans and snicker/runner, and then I look like maybe 10 - 15 years younger. But wait…then look at my face now, I think I am old enough to be at my age. Going through this process enhance my aging process also. It does not matter much for now. At least I am alert that “rumah kata pergi kubur kata mari”.
Having in mind that I had gone through many phases in life as compared to him, “A” had moved from standing at the office door into the office and sitting on the table. He seemed to be interested to engage in more conversation about past and also future and what is important in life. Now the brainstorming/thots provoking began…
It is all triggered when I was asking him what the next step is after completing his study while he was still standing near the door. At first he was kind of blur (at least what I thought. I could be wrong. Maybe he is trying to organise his thots). Being in his situation I can understand the difficulty that he had. All the blunders and mistakes that he made in his life. I don’t want to elaborate about his life as I would rather keep it. I don’t feel good to tell the story about others. I guess I just being me who absorb others happiness and pain. Listen and learn from it and advice if I had gone through similar experience myself. Otherwise I just keep quite and remain as a listener.
The good thing that I observed is that “A” is being honest about his story and yet he still remains calm and composes (This is what Sir Count Byron kept on reminding me before and also recently to stay like this especially in the even of my lost in translation. Thanks Le Count!). Maybe most men are borne to be like that. My guess! All my life, it was a bit difficult for me to remain calm if I let go my past to someone, be it a man or woman. I would rather write and find my way out. I am one of them who will freak out and drop dead! Just like naked in front of the person..
But as I grow mature (at least I think so…), it will be less of a problem. After all, life is about journey that we go through. We can’t change the past but we can plan the future. Even the future is still in His hand. Leaving the past will be a break through in life so that the next step is planned and move along. But of course the old memories are still there. Wish that the good one stays forever and the painful one gone with the wind and also wish that our brain just like harddisk. Erase and never ever see it again. Start a new life….
Coming back to the discussion with “A”..we talked a lot about the lesson learnt in life, what is important, the priorities, what we want in life, our habits etc etc.. Of course I make it clear to him up front that I am so used to listen to man because my career life is full of man around. So I am quite open about many things after he said that he is also very open.
So our discussion revolved around career life, money, family life, selection criteria for life partner, responsibilities, the different between man and woman, relationship between young man and old woman (based on his previous experiences), maturity of man and woman (shared my experiences), his natural tendencies when saw gorgeous girls (this one, I was laughing at him…He came to the sense of how difficult to find virgin girl nowadays. I suggested him to find from village somewhere in Russia or Turkmenistan), sexual desire (I said to him “you man, all the time thinking about it?. Ok ok I understand. It is normal as human being”).
It is normal when someone shares their experience; they also hope that you share yours. After some provoking question from him, I was not doing a good job to have a story for “A” especially the part that is so private to me. “A” got confused and I realised I was beating around the bush (purposely done in some part and other part was difficult to describe!) and finally I said…I don’t want to remember anything now. I want to leave the past behind and I mentioned I want to burn. Before I could explain further what to be burnt, he appeared shocked. He said to me “you want to burn this building?”. Then I laughed at him… then both of us laugh about it..
Finally we parted that night after realising we were talking for almost 3 hours. We agreed that it is good to talk it out. We came to realise that at least we could rearrange our thought on what is important in life and chase it. I suggested to him to write his interesting life story somewhere. Maybe in blog?
Today I found this article in NST which talk about…
INNER GROWTH: Each day has new possibilities
24 Apr 2006Bridget Menezes
FROM now on, I shall make the past belong to the past and look to the future with a new vision.
The burden of the past weighs heavily upon the self. The past comprises both good and bad experiences, yet it seems to be human nature to recall the negative.
The effect of this spoils one’s attitude and because attitude is the primary motivator to future action, the future is consequently spoilt. Then one is inclined to doubt oneself in almost every aspect.
There is less enthusiasm in life and the courage to create newness or face challenges lessens.Recalling the past is also largely habitual.
There has to be the aim to break that habit.
Take each day as if it is a new life with new possibilities.
When I recognise the importance of time, I’ll know how important life is. I would understand that each moment offers something more significant than what is apparent.
This perception enables me to make the best use of the present moment.
Thought for reflection:
Disentangle yourself from regret, shame and guilt. Shake off the past and move forward with peace of mind.