Unspoken truth

Kak Lady, Simah, Maklang, Meandbaby, Dudae, Atenah..thanks for sharing yr strength, thought and information. I appreciate much.

I have an up and down feeling of like a surge of many thoughts lingering in my mind. A sudden urge of wanting to know and to learn more about what I had written earlier after many days of wondering thots thinking about why?, when?, how?, what?.

Difficult to describe the feeling exactly. A combination of shock, sad, happy to know the possible truth, regret, depress and also blur. At time, it really make me weak on my knees. Until I come to the sense of accepting and figure out how to react. Of course when I am alone I let go of my emotion in the midth of debating to stay positive and to accept.

My big man always said to me, ever since I was back home,…” If you are stressful, then both of us will be stressful too…”. So, I have no choice but to keep cool, compose and hide my feeling from unspoken truth. Not sure if this is good or bad for me. Maybe both!

But, the unspoken truth is... I broke down every time I am alone in the office, in the car while driving to/fro office whenever the emotion strikes me. One thing I realized that I could switch my brain quickly to a positive thinking. I don't let it drag and I refrain from talking detail about it much with friends at office as I prefer to keep my personal matters out of office. I believe, this must have been the past make me to be able to switch on and off. It is a bless in many way.

At this point, my lil man case may be considered as high-functioning AS as all his tests showed above average score and some superior score. A very fruitful discussion with psychiatrist helps to recall every single observation and behavior and how we deal with lil man in the past not knowing and understand the truth. Hence, pin-down a correct diagnosis. At this point,my lil man is given a low dosage medication to control his anxiety and there will be a follow-up activities in the next 2 weeks to improve himself.

Deep down in my heart, I found that this profession related to child development is very interesting. A very stimulating discussion we had with the psychiatrist to describe the behaviour, early development and many things which finally leads to diagnosis. But but I said to myself...it is too late to reverse my career path now. Maybe I would consider taking courses related to this area to emhance my personal knowledge or even practice it after retirement while helping to develop my lil man and many more children in the need..???

I also met and discussed lil man case, a day before meeting psychiatrist, with school counselor and also his class teachers. The school counselor will see him twice a week at school to help him overcome his problem. She seems nice, motherly and attentive lady from my first meeting her on Friday. At that time we are not in the know of AS diagnosis (The diagnosis was on Saturday when we met psychiatrist based on test/analysis done the previous week).

We were so much hope that the counselor could play active role at school to help my lil man and to be his mentor until he could gain back his enthusiasm and interest at school. Many things about school which he resists from telling us. Getting feedback from counselor at school will greatly help us. One positive encouragement for us is that our lil man realized his limitation and he is ever willing to see the counselor.

Yesterday, I had ordered these books thru Amazon after browsing internet regarding AS. Hope I could gain some insight and learn how to move ahead apart from discussing/sharing with those who experience in this (meandbaby, thanks).

Atenah, these I will have for now. But I am not sure how informative these books are.

1. Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence: Helping Preteens & Teens Get Ready for the Real World By: Teresa Bolick (Author)

2. Asperger Syndrome and Adolescence: Practical Solutions for School Success
By: Brenda Smith Myles (Author), Diane Adreon (Author)


Phew…feel good to write about it! Releasing some unspoken truth and feeling …

I got to go now..