Me letting out my stress in the blog………..
Need to finish thesis and submit first draft by March 2006. Two more months. Still some exp to be run, yet some part of equipment has not shown up…tired of chasing after it…sigh….
Came to office, no piece of mind during day time. Become cluster phobia. The new student is just so annoying. Make so much noise. Need to be alone at this time…quiet…and spread out all my material every where. on the floor.on the table as I wish…be like that for many-many months until get done.
I am a night person when it come to writing and reading. Office too cold at night. No heating. Cannot stand during this cold weather. Need to be sure not to get sick because of weather.
Do at home…ok..but all my papers are here in the office and still need to check on exp.
My wish: I could build shell around me in the office. Ignoring people around me and focus on my writing and reading. Pretending nobody around me. Me fighting with myself and struggling with myself but no one else. The aims is to complete those chapters with good story!!
My wish: from now on…always ask what is it for me?…reduce charity work! Just like my dear twin sister when she was doing hers. I have to learn to be like her right now. A bit selfish…and think about myself first before others. After all that is my mission! Nobody else cares if I accomplish mine or not here in this group. Yes nobody really cares except several who always there for me, giving me the go-go and also my inner voice which always up and down.
Whatelse? At home..
My little man waiting for me to come early every nite, to sleep with him..I did come most of the time. We could spare some precious time together. Me tickle him and hug him and kiss him like a baby..
My little man…many times protesting for not wanting to go back to Msia. Everytime, I remind him of the time will come when he has to leave, both of his eyes flooded with tears. I can’t show him how sad I am to see him like that but I have to tell him why he has to go back and why I have to stay here for a while. I will make sure that I will hold my tears and keep my smile when the time to say good bye to him at the airport in a month time. Just like the mother of 4 childrens in Narnia film at the train station scene.
At home, I have to do and initiate everything. A longgggggggg lists and sometimes I don’t feel like thinking or doing it. Another round of packing things to send back, things to be left with me. Bills to pay. House to decide to let go or keep. Sorting out where do I stay during this period. The student welfare office told me that I might not be able to get a room in campus. What I need is a room, a little kitchen. That is all. Some of my friends offered to stay with them, but I have not decided because of many reasons to be considered. To get a cheap house for short term will be very difficult. But I will try.
My wish: I could stay in my current rented house. With my bed and table. I had advertised if any female muslim would share with me but no response so far (hope this will work-out). Too expensive for me to pay on my own and stay alone (£600/month). Most of the time I will not be at home. What a waste…
What else????...........don’t want to talk about xxxx…ohhhh how I wish I have a soulmate especially at this moment of time….just in my wishes dream!
enough-enough!!!!! Take one at a time…..Arghhhhh…. feel much better to let the stress-out.