It was Saturday Oct 22, 2005.
Talked to mak and everyone in Msia. It is a weekly routine for me to call family back home. If I didn't call then my mak in particular will be wondering why I didn't call. Mak told me that they are preparing for raya...pasang langsir that she recently bought from here and also preparing to make some kuih raya. In the background I can hear my 4 lovely niece's and nephew's voices. Having all of them at kampung, both mak and ayah are so in high spirit and good mood for raya celebration. Even in blog world, people are busy preparing for raya....it is really exciting...
Me...went to office to catch up with my long list of work which has been stagnant for so long...what I called....."the mood is not there... and I can't force myself too much to keep it going".Called my supervisor..yes, he was in the office during weekend. He just came back from Azerbijan a few hours and Sunday morning will be flying to Portugal for another week. I had prepared my poster for him to take to Portugal for forum...yes...my poster travel with my supervisor leaving me feeling lonely in front of my PC, with stack of books which I occasionally touch lately and my experiments in the lab. He asked me " are you ok? "...Off course le jawap OK...walaupun KO..
Sitting in front of my PC..., staring outside through my office's window....gloomy weather outside, not a single soul that I can see around the building, ...make me even lonely...ohmegod!!! I am wasting my time...not being productive at all for few hours....Wondering for a while what I had written in my blog diary, especially that novel of mine which has come to the end... at last...
In the midth of so called "melayan perasaan" and wishing that someone or something.. please help me to twist my mood to get moving with my thesis writing, publication, data analysis etc...or even "a rotan" from Auntie Yan or "mantra" from Adiejin could be of help...I heard the beeping of incoming SMS from my mobile...thot it cud be from H, my sibblings or friends..."who? aisayman...NNNN??? Emmmm.....ok.. let's kopipes..
N: Salam. dah buka ke?
Me: Belum lagi. In 1.5 hrs. Kat office. Lots of work. No mood! Just waste time. Kat Msia semua sibuk prep 4 raya. Now lonely n sad. Glomy weather. BTW, hw r u?
N: Y sad?
Me: Kat mana ni? Mana aci i write long & u write shrt! X ada cerite ke? I thot life so exciting in msia! Wish I fall in love wt my p** so that i cud stare at it all the time. Tgh cari mood!
N: Susah2 dulu, siapa kata p** senang tanpa pgorbanan. Sabar ya. nanti dah balik blh jumpa saya kena teh tarik kat *****. Dah bole stop tu...dah nak buka kan. Ada kat rumah, teman wife dia ada exam law tomorrow.
Me: p** memang susah but 2 get the mood is even difficult @ this stage. Maybe dah exhausted aftr struggle 1 st & 2nd yr. Ok teh tarik mamak next yr! Gud luck 2 yr wife.
N: Slmt berbuka puasa. Salam.
That is my lil brother!!...keep me smile through out the remaing of the day!.......you really make my day!! Noticed that he never fail to get in touch with me & ask me hw am I doing every weekend. But I still keep my earlier promise to myself..
I just wish something like that came from H. Athough H call every night especially since puasa but..nothing much to talk about. Sometimes just the phone talking to the phone....it is just like silence mode..Why??? It is a long winding and roller coster story...Difficult to put in words...
At night we had a gathering for berbuka among Msian students & family...quite a big crowd. Following that several of us discussed about our plan for join raya gathering....At least this will make me and others in the mood of raya preparation...To all out there...enjoy your raya preparation and ramadhan will soon leave us...