Monday, October 24, 2005

Lonely cum unproductive weekend

It was Saturday Oct 22, 2005.


Talked to mak and everyone in Msia. It is a weekly routine for me to call family back home. If I didn't call then my mak in particular will be wondering why I didn't call. Mak told me that they are preparing for raya...pasang langsir that she recently bought from here and also preparing to make some kuih raya. In the background I can hear my 4 lovely niece's and nephew's voices. Having all of them at kampung, both mak and ayah are so in high spirit and good mood for raya celebration. Even in blog world, people are busy preparing for raya....it is really exciting...


Me...went to office to catch up with my long list of work which has been stagnant for so long...what I called....."the mood is not there... and I can't force myself too much to keep it going".Called my supervisor..yes, he was in the office during weekend. He just came back from Azerbijan a few hours and Sunday morning will be flying to Portugal for another week. I had prepared my poster for him to take to Portugal for forum...yes...my poster travel with my supervisor leaving me feeling lonely in front of my PC, with stack of books which I occasionally touch lately and my experiments in the lab. He asked me " are you ok? "...Off course le jawap OK...walaupun KO..

Sitting in front of my PC..., staring outside through my office's window....gloomy weather outside, not a single soul that I can see around the building, ...make me even lonely...ohmegod!!! I am wasting my time...not being productive at all for few hours....Wondering for a while what I had written in my blog diary, especially that novel of mine which has come to the end... at last...


In the midth of so called "melayan perasaan" and wishing that someone or something.. please help me to twist my mood to get moving with my thesis writing, publication, data analysis etc...or even "a rotan" from Auntie Yan or "mantra" from Adiejin could be of help...I heard the beeping of incoming SMS from my mobile...thot it cud be from H, my sibblings or friends..."who? aisayman...NNNN??? Emmmm.....ok.. let's kopipes..

N: Salam. dah buka ke?

Me: Belum lagi. In 1.5 hrs. Kat office. Lots of work. No mood! Just waste time. Kat Msia semua sibuk prep 4 raya. Now lonely n sad. Glomy weather. BTW, hw r u?

N: Y sad?

Me: Kat mana ni? Mana aci i write long & u write shrt! X ada cerite ke? I thot life so exciting in msia! Wish I fall in love wt my p** so that i cud stare at it all the time. Tgh cari mood!

N: Susah2 dulu, siapa kata p** senang tanpa pgorbanan. Sabar ya. nanti dah balik blh jumpa saya kena teh tarik kat *****. Dah bole stop tu...dah nak buka kan. Ada kat rumah, teman wife dia ada exam law tomorrow.

Me: p** memang susah but 2 get the mood is even difficult @ this stage. Maybe dah exhausted aftr struggle 1 st & 2nd yr. Ok teh tarik mamak next yr! Gud luck 2 yr wife.

N: Slmt berbuka puasa. Salam.

That is my lil brother!!...keep me smile through out the remaing of the day!.......you really make my day!! Noticed that he never fail to get in touch with me & ask me hw am I doing every weekend. But I still keep my earlier promise to myself..

I just wish something like that came from H. Athough H call every night especially since puasa but..nothing much to talk about. Sometimes just the phone talking to the phone....it is just like silence mode..Why??? It is a long winding and roller coster story...Difficult to put in words...


At night we had a gathering for berbuka among Msian students & family...quite a big crowd. Following that several of us discussed about our plan for join raya gathering....At least this will make me and others in the mood of raya preparation...To all out there...enjoy your raya preparation and ramadhan will soon leave us...

7 comments:

RojakBuah said...

sedihh..nak rayaaa.....satu pun tk prepare...tambah2 kt sini..langsung tk merasa suasana Syawal...Ramadan pun tk terasa...berlambak org dok mkn, hisap rokok, mnum..selambe rock je...ciss..dulu ingat depa ni lg alim dr org kita....depa tak kesahh....ramadan ke..syawal ke..sama je..Sedih jgak.....psl tk meriah..

Nadia said...

AM, oh i know so much about unproductive time hahahaha

you know...whenever i have prob with my H, or feel anything lacking, I used to keep it to myself hoping he would just know what it is that he's supposed to do, but later learned that men are from mars and women are fr venus :)
so i tell him. takes quite some yrs to get it right, but i tell him.

here we actually have this class called Fiqh of Love taught by Syeikh Yasir Birjas...I want to so much to take that class but blom ada rezeki.

but that class is like a kursus kawin mostly for hudband and wives and sapa yg nak kawin...it teaches about love from islam's point of view..what can or cannot do what husband should and should not do and it's not just about nafkah, and all those legal and dry stuff...but it's more about stuff that mostly in ceramah agama wouldn't be touched upon...like what can give ump to a marriage..how rasulullah SAW treated his wives, how he played with aishah, their romantic moments etc...and i hear couples coming out of that..apologizing to each other and loving each other more...
tula nak sgt amik kelas tu..but tunggu till it comes within my reach lah...

but AM, if you find like it's so buntu...there is one place you can mengadu to...tambah2 plak ni nak last 10 nights..you can get what you want insyaallah.....
when i have probs with my H, i feel like there's no other place i can go to but Allah, because he is the closest person to me..and we cannot reveal problems kita exacty to prg lain so mcm dilemma kan, so ALlah jela...nangis la kat ALlah puas2....and ask Him to help you out, change H for the better etc..

never tire of asking Him...insyaallah for He's the only one that can help us out in the end anyway....

for myself i sometimes have that feeling too, but i don't have anyone else to compare him to, and I try not to even venture there becoz setan is such a hardworker...so what else to do if we've tried everything else we can to try and make things better..only Allah can change hearts and mend ways kan....

make a list of what you want and these last 10 nights...dua cam nak rak..i just found out about this and think I'm going to do it insyaallah :)

happy ber'last 10 nights'!!

oh ...btw sorry if I assume too much and if it's too public....:(
hugs!!

anggerik merah said...

RB...apa nak buat kan..depa denagn gaya hidup depa lah..be patient. Actually they are more celebrating the persian new year "Nouruz". Sebulan berpesta melawat sanak saudara macam raya puasa kita celebrate kat Msia. That was what my office mate told me..

Nadia, thanks for jotting down and all your suggestions. I was so happy to read it. It is ok..I am sure it will osso be useful to others. Pasal course tu...dengar pun memang best...hope you got a chance to join the course. A lot to be learnt about it..

It is true what you say the different between man (marsian) & women (venusian) which I listened to and also other cassette from Dr Tuah, one of the motivator (pick up from Msia recently) about mengenal hati lelaki dan wanita.

Did tell my H, but I guess sometimes saya hamba yang lemah nie cepat sangat give it up..especially when there was so many things in my mind and I cud not handle it all at the same time. Thanks for reminding me to keep on asking HIS help on things that I cud not manage. Nadia, lot of luv from me to you..

Ely said...

apasal takder mood? monday blues ker?

take care of urself. insyaAllah, u will feel better tomorrow...huggs

RojakBuah said...

AM: betul tu..I punya interpretor pun ada ckp..depa celebrate one month...tp kita ttp dgn Hari Raya...yeyee.yeee..

AuntieYan. said...

Anggerik :...I'm so blurrr!!

anggerik merah said...

Laa Auntie Yan...awat dok blurrrr?? Tang mana yang blurr tu? Tak yah blurrrr...just give me yr rotan!! hehehehe..Love you and take care of yr lutut ok!!