Wednesday, October 19, 2005
Part 7...The value of friendship
Before meeting N:
My email to N:
Very nice talking to you after so long time (3 years???). It seems that friendship will never end. Spending my time here in the midth of completing my study, give me a lot of chance to recall and remember my old friends whom I used to know and those who left some pleasant memory in my mind including yourself.
As I mentioned to you, end of last month I sent email to my friend if she could track your contact number. Lucky enough after I came back from Madrid yesterday to receive email from her that she got your contact number on top of her interesting story travelling in Pakistan's desert. I hope you do keep in touch with me whenever you have spare time and let me know your development over there.
N's email to me:
As I'm replied the e-mail, it's morning at 9am in Kay Ell. I have a good time talking to you the other day and pl keep it that way ! A friendship like we have been thru from a start until now, it is a life time opportunity that God has given us and this is a time for us to keep it for life.
My email to N:
Thanks for your reply. Hope we don't lose this contact. Yes, you are rite about friendship for life. It is always the case when we are thinking about someone, the other person also would think about us almost at the same instant. Weird but true!!!
N's email to me:
Tak tidur ke?! I thought it's just turns morning there and surprise you got up so early. Do not think so much as it will make you old, ya sis. Perhaps sembahyang hajat is d best if cld do one provided you are fit to do soooo...
After meeting N:
My email to N:
Hi Buddy dear,
How are you doing? Hope you are doing fine and everything goes well with you and family. Thanks for being my good buddy.
It is 6.43 am. Listening to sheila on 7 song "berhenti berharap" (a theme song from Sephia) which I picked up from Malaysia recently. This story make a turning point in my life and make me to wake up again from my life trauma. The sunlight is very bright outside. I just partially recovered from jet lag. Yet still sleeping in my office yesterday afternoon. The others are still fighting to recover.
At this point my active brain said to me that I need to let go some of disturbing content that killing me and move on the remaining of my life with a piece of mind. It sounds a bit complicated. I guess sometime that is what life is all about and make us wiser and mature in making our decision and accept what challenges that we have to face. As you said sometimes it is good to let it be the way it is. But if it starts to kill us, we might as well settle it because life is too short.
Buddy, it is very difficult to share my story with you....oklah buddy, I need to go. Lain kali kalau ada mood nak cerita I will do that. I guess the bright sunlight do change the sad part of my brain to a happier side...
In the mean time you take care of your self and your beloved family...
Sorry, bila teringat your story, I selalu tergelakkan your phobia of plane!!! Your story make me smile!!! Yang peliknya air tak takut which you said you are a very good swimmer... you are very kelakar one buddy!!!! Another interesting story, during our recent trip at airport while waiting for plane to***, my mother was laughing at one weird looking plane which she said this plane look like "tok tenun". It is because of the shape is very long yet narrow. After knowing that this plane will take us to ***, dia dah kecut perut takut nak naik. Bila sampai aje and turun plane she was saying to us that "haa.. tu la tadi dia dok gelak kat plane tu...lepas tu rupa-rupanya kena naik plane nie sampai sini" Kami semua gelakkan dia sebab dia memang takut sangat naik plane especially the small one.
My email to CS:
I tried to separate N dengan my internal problem which I had already understood and clear about it when I was in Malaysia. Pasal escapism from ***, it is actually the other way around. N reverse my body hormone to a positive side which make me excited and alive. To be honest with you I am fighting hard not to let my feeling drown into him especially when I am not in a good mood.. What happened in Msia was when we were facing each other talking and borak2, we cud do it very well as a friend. But everytime both of us want to say goodbye it was so difficult and so speechless…
Buat masa nie I tengah fikirkan if I should run away from him so that I cud leave those out of my brain. As you said and I am well aware it will lead to no where..Let it be one of the best memory that come into my life and let it go…it is really funny and weird feeling. I will erase all his sms and email to me…
My email to CS the day I started my blog: (Sept 13, 2005)
I have decided not to communicate with him thru SMS anymore and had deleted all precious email from him as it may create conflict …that is the last thing I want to do…better stop before too late. But with email I cud not stop writing and try to create friendly atmosphere as much as possible …I am more expressive by writing rather than talking…bila bercakap some sensitive topic mulut jadi beku…weird but true..
My email to CS again,
Ok I will continue to write in blog..and of course having you as the my setia fan.
About N, I have decided not to think about whether he wonder why I do not communicate with him thru SMS…actually I feel that I want to totally stop communicating with him because I don know whether he likes to read my email or not. As you said maybe too abrupt for me to do that..
Once I start my aggressive blog (I hope I do…) then I do not want to write to him too long…slowly leave him.. however, his wish to have me as his friend forever I will honor that very much and he did mentioned in his precious SMS that he wanted to ask a lot about me and waiting for me to open up..…I knew that he has a lot of curiosity about me . But keep it as it is…..maybe one day if he really wants to know and I am ready to tell him I will ask him to read my blog…
I cud write a lot about experience meeting him those 3 days reflecting back how we accidentally met 10 years ago…a lot of puzzle which cud not be put together. Anyway let it be as it is now….
Oklah dah banyak cakap pasal N…”lets face the truth that I will never be with you…” last lyrics from the most hit song in UK “You are beautiful” by James Blunt?? (Kalau tak silaplah..) Tua-tua nie dah tak berapa nak sensitive pasal lagu2 cinta…tapi kalau tengah ada mood “semonel” (not sure if this is the write word) tu memang hayati jugaklah ….
The value of friendship.....