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5 years ago, the three of us (a lonely wife, a lonely widow and a lonely lady) went for umrah together. Each with their own mission in life.. Stepped out from my house to the airport, I didn't want to look back whatever I want to leave out of me...my little baby, my H, my parent, relatives and all the material things that I own in this world.

My heart and soul said that I want to go and never want to come back into so called "my lost world". People see me as if I have everything that i cud possibly need for a living and be happy with it...but deep inside me I am still not getting peace of mind and happiness in life..weird but true feeling..me in "my lost world"....At that time my world is just full of hectic life, anger, frustration, no direction, no purpose, exhausted, no soulmate etc.etc.. you name it....

Stepped into the plane, I lost everything from my mind. I was alone to face myself although I was surrounded with my other friends...The three of us tumpang muhrim with one family (father, mother and a 10 year old boy) from Ipoh. Very nice, warm and happy family (unfortunately I cud not remember their name). Apparently this family never failed to perform their umrah every year. This has been part of their normal yearly trip ever since the boy was borned.

We arrived and stayed in Madinah for 3 days. Every single moment we spent our time in the mosque and had chance to visit several mosque around Madinah. Oh my God....I forgot a lot of places name...

At that time, my life was just me and myself...I don't remember anybody/ anything that I left back home...and it was so peaceful feeling inside me which I cud not describe.
After 3 days, we were ready to fly to Mekah to perform our Umrah. About 10 minutes after the plane took off from the airport, the plane was trumbling in the air and excessively shaking as if it will crash to the ground. The harder it shaked the louder I heard zhikir from many passengers on board. It was as if demanding for stronger and genuine zhikir from everyone which came from their heart and soul. There was no feeling of scared that time..if the plane crash to the ground, I can feel that everyone in the plane "redha di atas kehendakNYA". However, it was just a small test from Allah that all of us have to face at that time. Everything back to smooth ride after about 20 minutes until we reached Mekah.

We were then brought to the place for niat and reached Masjidil haram to continue all the necessary steps. As soon as I entered masjidil haram and saw Kaabah, different feeling which I cud not described in word. Those who had been there would know how it felt. One incident that I cud not forget when my waist watch dropped and the glass crushed on the floor meaning that I cud not used it anymore. Suddently it crossed into my mind that i was always rushing in life. I did not take time to stop and think and ponder what life takes me through...

After that happened, I felt that one part of me was taken away and I felt more peaceful inside because I do not have to look at the watch all the time as I used to do. Many more incidents happened ( I am too tired to write about it) which make me think a lot and feel that I am very very near to HIM. I felt that I want to stay there for the rest of my life. Still I was alone and forgot all that I left back home. I didn't even call home until the last 2 days before I was about to fly back. The reason of me calling back was only because suddently, I woke up and realised that those who I left back home especially my little baby needs me. All of them love me and need me to be back.

Me and my Umrah mate had a chance to experience the first day of Ramadhan in Mekah before we say good bye...and promise to come again soon..

The fact is that this place is the most peaceful place on earth which bring a lot of happiness and calmness in my jasad and roh. HE protected me every moment and everywhere I step my feet in this world belong to HIM. I am tested by HIM every step of my movement to make me a better person until the day I die...

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