CT Scan and new books

My CT Scan result for stomach and pelvic bone was normal. Alhamdullilah. Blood test was also normal. The first time I had this procedure done on me which required intubated vein to flow fluid. The last time my vein was intubated was 12 years ago for caesarean.

Yup, I must confess that I have low tolerance for needle insertion into my body. But Alhamdullilah I had recovered from the fear and my threshold pain level had significantly improved. The CT scan pictures detail out all internal organ. It was clear to me when we went through with doctor for each organ condition.

Tonite at home, I relook at those pictures and have difficulty to figure out some part. Anyway, not for me to interpret! The obvious such as kidney, uterus are easily identified. My next appointment with Doctor will be in 6 weeks time. Yet, I was saying to big man, I had not fully assess my heath condition as I had not done full medical check-up…Next on the list.

Today, again we went to Kunikuniya. I pick-up another 2 books to end my book collection for this year. These are:

1. Eat Right 4 your type, Dr. Adamo
2. Live right 4 your type, Dr. Adamo

These books will provide some guidance for healthy life and to be experimented for some do and don’t eat based on my O blood type. Both Big man and lil man share same blood type that is A type. We compare list of what to take and what to avoid. Very interesting to know and perhaps to test.

While Maal Hijrah 1430 was welcome with full hearted, Gregorian calendar 2008 curtain is almost closing down and another new year is approaching. Much to be reflected and pondered… Could I write about it?...Maybe later.

Anggerik Merah
31 December
12:14 am

About health, books and romantic spot on

I told big man two days ago..”I am tired of dealing with this flu and fever”… I noticed that it had become a monthly routine to get this symptom. Then I said to him…”let’s go out from house”…. Yes, that in a way psychologically helps. Cycling for about 8 km to get sweat plus hot lemon tea with honey and wondering around IKEA.
Alhamdullilah, manage to get it over without antibiotic this time. Feel more energetic today and refreshing. And back on my feet. Of course the dam has exploded this morning. What a release.. I have to be ready for CT scan on Tuesday for my stomach and blood test to assess my current state of health…i.e. my overdue full medical check-up.

Coming to think about my laziness on writing blog entry off late mainly due to my fingers which could not stand tapping and clicking at time when this symptom of fibromyalgia attacks me. But my monthly massage on tender points help to ease this symptom much much better than swallowing muscle and nerve relaxant. Very true that whenever the temperature change happen (cold day…i.e. raining day) then it triggers the symptom. As I read more about this problem, I began to deal with it better to help me coping with it.

Let’s change topic…

I am a book maniac. Once I step into book store, I will never come out without bringing back with me at least 2 books. Kunikuniya is my favorite spot. Apart from that whenever I am in the airport I will buy book to read while waiting etc.

This month alone, I had already several books with me and I had not even had chance to finish reading them all. It is all browsing thru chapters of my interest first or stop at that point for a while. My December books are:

1. You being beautiful, Michael F. Roizen and Mehmet C. Oz
2. How to mind map, Tony Buzan
3. An hour to live an hour to love, Richard & Kristine Carlson (finished reading on plane)
4. The hard truth about soft skill, Peggy Claus
5. The mind gym give me time ,
6. A whole new mind, Daniel H. Pink

In addition, throughout this year, I had these books. Some I completed reading and some are half way through. Most of these books I picked up at several airport bookshop during my travel and transit. Also a few from talks organized by company.

1. It’s not how good you are, it’s how good you want to be, Paul Arden
2. The last lecture, Randy Pausch (completed on plane during journey back from Rio)
3. NLP 4u, Ian L. Halsall
4. Inside Steve’s Brain, Leander Kahney
5. What it Takes, speak up, step up, move up, Amy Henry
6. Instant Confidence, the power to go for anything you want, Paul McKenna (I used its free mind-programming CD more frequent to relax my tired mind whenever I need)
7. Life is an open secret, Sis Zabrina ( I also have the other book of sis Zabrina)
8. From can’t to can, Nikolas Bishop and Ian Halsall
9. Ideas spotting, Sam Harrison

Total of 15 books/year. On average I could be finishing at least 1 or 2 books a months. Should do better next year on getting finish part.

On top of these books, I subscribed to Psychologies Magazine which I receive every month. On top of that I also love to pick-up magazine related to woman.. depending on article which interest me.

As I look back on these books, I realize I could be turning myself into psychologist. Interesting enough, during a compulsory interview ( I was among the first batch of staff had to undergo this new requirement) which I had to go through for promotion the interviewer (outside consultant) was actually have a degree in Business and Psychology.

I was making a joke to the interviewer during feedback session of the interview result and recommendation,…. ”maybe I should consider changing my profession or something to do after retirement”…hehehe…not a bad idea at all!!

Above all, the truth is that sometimes we (definately for myself) need to learn how to train our brain with several techniques just to keep positive outlook and maintain positive mood even during riding perfect storm in rat racing world, keeping healthy under stress environment etc etc… not to forget, ultimately from HIM that we ask for direction, protection, forgiveness and guidance in life..

I digress my thought again to another topic..

Last month both big man and I were in the clinic waiting to see GP due to my flu and fever. Nobody was there except both of us. We don’t think that we were extra romantic…it was just both of us sit next to each other and talking. I am not sure if I lean my head on big man’s shoulder that time.

Suddenly, we heard someone came from the back and stopped in front of us…that was Dr. Amir Farid (used to be my gynae and the one delivered my baby 12 years ago). We had not talked to him for a while. Guest what he said to both of us…” You know what, it feel good to observe a romantic couple just like both you…”

Before we had chance to say anything, if we have anything to say, he continued… “Now days, married and followed with divorce are so common. Most of my patients came to see me and shared about their spouse with so much of problem..”.

Both of us have no idea what to say to response to him…All I remember saying was “ With so much of very challenging world, fast life etc…then marriage and divorce and the cycle goes on and on..By the way, doc…we had not seen you for a while…and all we can say is that you look younger than you used to..”

He continued with smile and said..” Many people noticed that. Some of my friends told me that I look younger than 5 years ago and you see, I have to be an example for the product I am promoting which help to reverse the aging process for a while…and this is the effect on me too..But this will not last forever though…. We can’t stop aging forever. More importantly, we must be happy and contented with our self”…

I responded and smiled back to him..” Ok then, will come back to see you if we think we need that”. Until now we never did see him. Maybe because we don’t feel we need it. Or if we could use natural food and live healthy life style, then hopefully it helps to slow down aging process….yes?

That’s about health, books and romantic spot on…

Salam Maal hijrah to all. May Allah protect us and guide us along the right path in life. AMIN…

From Anggerik Merah
December 28, 2008
7:24 pm

Notes:

All pics were taken in Bali, April 2008 to create colourful environment.

please forgive my spelling and grammar… Most of the time I ignore checking my English as I let my fingers clicking..Came back to notice my spelling was wrong and many other mistakes. I wish not to be so perfect as I learn more to be imperfect one!

Brain scribble

Dealing with flu and PMS at the same time is horrible. The unstable mood swing and the feeling of something going to be exploded…yes that is the feeling. Anyway, just goes with the flow…
Few more days will be new year… What had I left this year is considered quite full of surprises and trial. But that is all I left to what had destined me to be. Accepting it and do the best I could to sort things out and deals with challenges. Also the EFT methods ….eventhough I have this feeling I completely and deeply accept myself. Nevertheless, always thinks of the positive side of all the tests and tribulations and am feel lucky to realise that others had been through much more.

The journey through out this year lead me to another experience in life which somehow shape up myself to be more a listener, a rebel, etc etc… a long lists..

And I feel so very tired now. I need to rest and continue writing when I feel like. Please ignore me. I am just trying hard to translate whatever in my mind into some kind of writing.. Not sure if this is the symthom of Fibromyalgia which I was diagnosed with. Whatever it is I have to deal with it.


Brain scrible..
Anggerik M
11:30 pm
December 26, 2008

Holiday

As I started to enjoy my holiday with some plans to achieve, I catch flu... hopes it goes away fast enough. Now, my head is so heavy and feel so sleepy.. Will come back to write.

AM

11:48 pm
Dec 24, 2008

Days of my life 1

I had not been writing for a wee while. Maid-less made me running around a bit more to do chores. So not much time to spare on writing in the blog although too many things happened and worth sharing. Moreover, right after Aidiladha I had been to courses, forum, conferences and hardly stick in the office. It seems that end of the year too many events going on. Taking a week break during raya week was bliss. Loads of physical activities such as kenduri kendara, get together with relatives and family. Once back to office this week, I started to get migrane again. A sign of stress… Once I had that I need to get away from office and just relax. Otherwise my head felt like it is going to explode. I have a thought of writing entry everyday for the remaining days of this year. Somehow, once I am back to home I would prefer to watch my favourite Oprah series. Quite stimulating. Also I am glued to Refflesia drama series. I become cough potato. That is life.

I must accept the compliment made about me most of the time when I meet old friends or the mat salleh’s at conferences. The usual remark I had….You look very young…hehehe…I hope I will look like this for another 20 years…hehehe. But the challenge I had when started conversation with most Mat Salleh/outsiders especially those who are experts, their first impression on me was that I am still new in workforce. However, as continue with conversation and exchange ideas/experiences, they started to be curious and asking me how long had I been in this industry…hehehe…don’t judge the book by its covers. Honestly, I could pretend to be ignorance (just like a school girl) until people started to bullshit and then I started to comments them…then they mellowed down.

Counting down for this year is coming closer. Times flies and much happening in life. Reflecting on life I had been through this year, I thanks to HIM for all that he had given me and my family. Focusing on some aspects of life and take one at a time has been my approach. I rather kept personal life story in the back of my memory. In term of career, Alhamdullilah I managed to move one step up recently after been through so much hurdle and challenging barriers imposed by new procedure in the company. I am always been in the tough part. But on the other hand, it make me more resilience and raised my confident level after successfully been thru the hurdle. It is all what HE had installed for me and I accepted it.

I love this song...it is really beautiful.... let's ponder for a moment

Ordinary Day

I wish I could tell you

the things I never got the chance to

I wish I was with you now

to see you smile again

I wish we had more time

but time goes by so fast

The moment comes and

Then the moment passes by

In the blink of an eye

And If I had one wish

I Wouldn't ask for money

I wouldn't ask for fame

I wouldn't ask for the power to

make this world change

If i could have one thing

that one thing that I would chose

is one more ordinary day with you

With you

I wish I could see you

and be there where my arms could reach you

i wish I could let you know

how much you touch my life

maybe a little time is all the time we get

The Words we long to say are words that go unsaid

you can go back again

But if I had one wish

I Wouldn't ask for money

I wouldn't ask for fame

I wouldn't ask for the power to

make this world change

If i could have one thing

that one thing that I would chose

is one more ordinary day

With you

I wish we had more time

Time goes by so fast

The moment comes and

Then the moment passes by

In the blink of an eye

But if I had one wish

I Wouldn't ask for money

I wouldn't ask for fame

I wouldn't ask for the power to

make this world change, no

If i could have one thing

that one thing that I would chose

is one more ordinary day

Just one more ordinary day with you

with you

Now is 12:51 am. I have to get back to sleep and continue scribbling story again tomorrow if any opportunity.

Anggerikmerah
December 18, 2008
12:51 am

Alone...

It has been 2 weeks both big man and lil man away from home for long holiday in Kampung. We went back together last weekend for wedding and I had to fly back to KL alone. I can't join them for long holiday due to one week technical course which is compulsory for me to attend. Then continue with 3 days International Petroleum Technology Conference which ended today. Tomorrow I will be flying back to home town to join my family for Aidiladha and taking a week break from work.

Stay home alone for the last 2 weeks kind of lonely. But the day time make me too occupied and drop dead as I reach home...

To all, Selamat Hari Raya Aidiladha...

Anggerik M

12:54 am
December 6, 2008

Good-bye little Candy

It has been a year we had a little Candy with us. Tonite, we send her back to her owner.

Candy dear, thank you for filling our home, being part of our family and entertaining us with your Persian touch...definately you touch our heart. It is not easy to let you go, especially for big man and little man... but we would not be able to take care of you no more. May you be in a save hand and continue your life...

Love from our family.

Sepi

Artis (Band): Yuni Shara / Melly Goeslaw

Sepi hati terjadi lagi
Mungkin sampai mati aku sepi
Biar senyum hadir di hariku
namun ini hanya ada di bibir
di bibir saja

Aku ini yang bisa mengerti
walaupun yang lain mau mengerti
Namun berat beban hidupku
biarkan saja
Biar saja hanya ku yang tahu

Sejarah cinta dan hidupku
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
Butuh kesabaran yang penuh
untuk tetap ku berdiri

Oh.. ada saatnya ku bicara
bila hatiku telah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
aku tetap diam

Woo.. sejarah cinta dan hidupku
penuh duri dan banyak ranjau
butuh kesabaran yang penuh
untuk tetap ku berdiri

Oh.. ada saatnya ku bicara
bila hatiku telah bulat
Sepanjang ku bisa atasi semua
aku tetap diam

Note:

Watched this movie last week at home on my mc day due to flu. Nice one...funny, traumatic, sad, happy etc etc... just like the say of "asam garam kehidupan"

Langkawi - part TWO

View from Verandah of traditional house at Bonton resort

Bath anyone?

Another view from Traditional house's verandah overlooking swimming pool

Inside the traditional house

Nice bed...

Chaklempong music at Makam Mahsuri

Makam Mahsuri

Laman padi - cabut semai

Laman padi - tenggala

Sunset at Bonton

How nice if all the time we could endulge ourself with the kampung life as above... to get away from the list below...

Captured from NST today...

TOP 10 STRESSFUL PROFESSIONS
1. IT (big man used to do while he was in corporate world...and still doing but now at his own time and wish)
2. Medicine / Caring Profession
3. Engineering (I am in this category...)
4. Sales and Marketing
5. Education
6. Finance
7. Human Resources
8. Operations
9. Production
10. Clerical TOP


10 WORK STRESSES
1. Workload
2. Feeling undervalued
3. Deadlines
4. Type of work people have to do
5. Having to take on other people’s work
6. Lack of job satisfaction
7. Lack of control over the working day
8. Having to work long hours
9. Frustration with the working environment
10. Targets

Anyway, whatever we are doing...it is best to strike a balance in everything as life is too short...and we shall make the best of it...

Anggerik Merah

rumbling at 11:30 pm

Nov 4, 2008

Weekend

My office mate was confirmed having Esofagus cancer (stage 4), diabetic and suspected TB. It was as shocking news to all of us. Let us all pray that he will manage to get through this tough ordeal.



Saturday- lunch with newly wed and family members at home. Mak was the chef for cooking. A usual I was her assistant.



Sunday - rendavous in Ikea to buy some kitchen stuff. Had not been to Ikea for a while. As usual big crowd...which I don't really like. Then stopped over in Carrefour. Hadnot been there for ages. Most of the tie big man will do all the chores. Again...another place with big crowd. The point is that there is noplace in KL without any big crowd especially during weekend.

AM

Nov 3, 2008

12:15 am

Langkawi - part ONE

View at Bonton restaurant

Bonton Restaurant resort

Laman Padi

Westin Resort & Spa


Certain things happen life is hard to explain... then don't explain. Only ponder and reflect...

I realised that I have not been able to meet quota to post at least 4 entries/month for this month. It is not too bad if I just post some collection of pics from my resent rendavous in Langkawi right after raya.

Anggerikmerah

Oct 30, 2008

1:30 am

Been away...

It was almost a month since my last entry. After Raya was really jump right back to hectic office life with critical meeting to attend to and spend weekend after raya in Langkawi. Not for holiday but part of organising the international forum cum presenting project proposal for collaboration with other companies... Alhamdullilah everything went well and the beyond expectation as been said by our bos.... But the post forum tiredness tooks several days to recover.

Much to share about interesting outing during forum and nice pics to share. I have not downloaded the pics. Will do.

Life without maid is very pleasant and peaceful but very tiring for big man and I. So far, we have not make any effort to get new one as we need to gauge if we can stand without having one.

Will be back..

AM
4:04 am
Oct 22, 2008

Ramadhan leaving,Syawal around the corner

I had been on tonsilitis since Saturday night. During get together for iftar with family members reciding in KL I still have my voice but my vocal had changed to Ella's version. Everyone noticed it. Struggling to wake up for sahur on Sunday morning. Very intense pain on my throat and my body was overly heated.

I had to take antibiotic prescribed from doctor since Sunday till today plus Myanol prescribed by neurologist (make my muscle relax). Alhamdullillah, today my vocal was not too bad. Yesterday was still very much sexy vocal as pointed out by my friends during phone conversation. Most of my plan to do before holiday was very much interrupted. I am struggling to get them completed in the midth of my not so well condition. I missed tarawih for several nights now.

Ramadhan leaving us so soon... in case I don't have a chance to blog...

I wish to take this opportunity to say:

Selamat hari raya Aidilfitri, ampun dah maaf sekiranya ada yang tersalah dan tersilap. Jangan disimpan didalam hati.

Leaving to kampung this weekend is an event to look forward to...


Salam dari,
Anggerik Merah

Sept 23, 2008
11:50 pm

Journey - Rio 2

To continue sharing some memories from Rio trip….

It was an interesting trip. This is the second time I had been to South America. The first time was sometimes in 2000, I had a chance to be in Lima for some conference which I had to present paper. That trip was full of surprises and challenges. I guess when travel alone many surprises happened. Since then, I promise myself not to travel alone again to this area. That should be a separate story on its own.

During my recent business trip to Rio, I had opportunity to meet old friends and get to know new one. I will have a chance to meet my Brazilian friends (and also Norwegian) again after raya for another forum which will be held in Langkawi. The world is getting smaller…really smaller. We will bounce into each other too frequent from different part of the world.

Much I have to note about my trip in Rio, but I must admit I kept forgetting those moments ever since back to KL. Life in KL is so hectic that everyday something else needs to be remembered. I have a thot of writing those memories while in the plane. But to be honest, I need all minutes to rest and recharged. I ended-up ignoring my laptop at all. Rather watched in flight movies (“Smart People” etc) and finished “The last lecture by Randy Pauch”.

Here’s some pics…

View from Breakfast lounge in the hotel in the area of Ipanema

Entrance to tram in Corcavado, one of the world seven wonders.

Jesus Christ statue at Corcovado, one of the main attraction in Rio De Janeiro

View from cable car to Sugar Loaf, another seven wonders. The left side is Copacabana beach while on the right is part of picturestique Rio De Janeiro Town

Sugar Loaf

Another thing I wish to share is, being a woman, I love jewelery. The beauty of it is for my own satisfaction. Not to show my status or any other reason related to it. So I commit myself buying a necklace made of Gemstone from Rio. Some people might think I am crazy for spending that much money on that necklace. I thot I am crazy too. But I never regret any decision and am accountable to it.:-)... This piece of jewelery stick to my body everyday, i.e. during my sleep, shower etc etc. Funny thing about me is that I don't like to change my necklace everyday. I prefer it to be with me until I feel bored and then keep it away for sometimes. Being a woman I am...

where am I???

Back to story about going places...

For the first time, I am listing down places I had been in my life either during student time, during business trip or holiday. The lists excluded my foot at the airport only. Maybe I could start to think of some places I wish to be before shifting to another life. Something to look forward to and plan in my wish list.

1) Thailand - Phuket, Hadyai

2) Philippine - Manila

3) Indonesia - Jakarta, Bali

4) Singapore

5) Japan - Narita, Chiba,Tokyo

6) China - Beijing, Tianjin

7) Saudi Arabia - Mecca, Medina

8) Egypt - Cairo, Alexandria

9) Norway- Bergen, Oslo, Stavanger

10) France - Paris, Lyon

11) Spain - Madrid

12) Italy - Milan

13) Holand - Amsterdam

14) Belgium - Brussel

15) UK - too many to list down

16) Canada - Vancouver, Victoria (BC), Toronto, Salt Spring Island

17) USA - too many to list down

18) Peru - Lima

19) Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

20) Mexico - Hueres (sp?)

That many I can recall at this time. Each of these places thought me a lot about different culture, people and religion... It somehow mold me in someway to be what I am now... Some old folk told me when I was young, there is some sign on my body indicated that I will be "kaki yang berjalan (walking feet?)". I can't remember if it was got to do with my "tahi lalat" somewhere...hehehe... Anyway, it is true in some ways. It started when I was still young...

Ok... I must get back to my chores... Life without maid means I have to do things which I had not done for sometime. It is part of my daily exercise/weekend exercise around house. I have not been on my bike during weekend as I used to do anymore. I miss riding my bike... Will do after raya.

Selamat berbuka puasa dan beribadat. Semuga sentiasa diberkati oleh Allah.

Anggerik Merah

Sept 20, 2008

2 pm

3rd Anniversary of blogging – Sept 13 2005

Carpal Tunnel Syndrome – nil, some other muscle test – nil. Finally EEG indicated, as expected, a brain which can’t stop working/thinking and surprising Migraine? I can’t think of an answer if I had ever complaining about intense headache as the specialist kept on asking before telling me the result.


Pic: Beachside at Ayorda Resort,Nusa Dua, Bali, April 2008

Anyway, I might have trained my brain to ignore or switch off the pain all this while i.e. tolerance level is very high. For a week, I was prescribed Myonal 50 mg tab and Norgesic tab. And yes, I had skipped them for some days after noticing me feel so weak and dehydrated and when the tingling and numbness on my fingers and left hand was not too bad. It is not good especially for my long distance travel to office in the morning as my muscle become too relax. Anyway, will have a follow-up with specialist again today.
Pic: Tanah Lot, Bali, April 2008

Weekend was full of exercise for me on the chores…washing, cleaning; ironing…Had not done so much for quite sometimes. Kind of enjoy it but less time for socializing and enjoying life outside house or other form of socializing. Life without maid is kinds of blessing in some ways as it bring us closer together. Lil man becomes more independent. We might consider just make do with day to day maid if we could get one. Will see how it goes.
Pic: Resort next to Ayorda, Bali, April 2008

It is also a blessing of this Ramadan… celebrating my 3rd year of blogging. A year ago almost at this time I had spend some quiet time in UK, to complete some part of my thesis correction. For about two weeks, my life just within a small office day and night… I miss that kind of intense moment as I need that moment to get things wrap-up, close the chapter, leave behind and move on…

Pic: Tanah Lot, Bali, April 2008

Collecting every bit of energy, mental strength and visualizing that moment is all in my mind.

Anggerik merah

Sept 13, 2008

Bit & pieces again

Weekend activity....Reshuffle all my office attire. Some to give away... Did loads of ironing work....I wish I could just wear jean & T-shirt to office... Anyway good exercise...just that need to sacrifice time for not going out and do other things.

Went to see specialist at Tawakal today. Blood test was done. Results negative on Athritis...Alhamdullilah...But doesn't answer the reason of joint pain which come and go for the last 2 months. Tomorrow another visit to see neurologist as refered by the specialist for corpus tunnel(?) test. Whatever it is, must try to sort it out.

I had not visited Tawakal for ages...Maybe more than 15 years.... Some of good, experience and down to earth doctor's are residing here. I felt more satisfied to meet these doctors. Some doctor's at some "5 star hospitals" are more into money making...

My maid.... the moment of truth...she smsed us informing that she will not be coming back to continue working. We have to figure out our plan if we want to take another one, try to get day to day maid (if we are lucky to find one).... or live without one.

Deep in my heart, I reflected all things that happen at home while my maid was around. She had not been focused on the work at home much. She took things so lightly. I had to remind her to do this and that. And I found a draft letter from her to someone while cleaning up my house few months back. I knew she was up to something but I didn't ask her. I just observed her character. The night that I was ready to fly to Brazil, she asked forgiveness from me. She said she had done loads of 'DOSA" to me. I didn'tknow what she mean. I told her that I forgave her and I don't know what "DOSA" she was talking about. Whatever she did behind me, let ALLAH showed her the right and wrong.

Big man and I were discussing about her...and Big man said it is no point to request her to be back if she doesn't like to work here... Yes...maid...we can't live with or without them... Maybe this happen for good reasons..

that's bit and pieces....

Anggerikmerah
September 8, 2008
6:30 pm

Life sans Maid

Life without maid, definately needs some adjustment. Our maid had gone back for 2 months holiday. Hence, big man took some responsibility at home to do some chores, while I help out during weekend.

It is good that we all have more time to struggle at home with chores. It was not too bad at all. Can be tiring at times. Whenever it is too much, we do outsource...

Anggerik Merah
September 1, 2008
10:30 am

Salam Ramadhan

Selamat Menyambut Ramadan Mubarak untuk semua.

Semuga dikurniakan keberkatan dan diampun segala dosa yang lalu.

Anggerik Merah

August 30
12:20 AM

NLP

I was a 3 hour short talk on NPL by Dr Ian L. Halsall.

Learning about this technique as part of stimulating my brain to move forward...

Information can be found here: www.lloydwest.com


AM,

August 27, 2008
12:03 AM

To entertain my sleepless night...I blog.. (update)

It has been more than a week that my body clock was hire-wire. Waking up and feeling fresh in the early morning most of the time. And dead tired after mid day. Much happening since I was back from Rio last Sunday. Listing down..

1) Attending to the most critical presentation for top management. What I said will have significant impact to future direction of how the management would see it and decided to move on. I had tried my best to deliver the fact and figures, knowledge and relevent impact to current and future business in our industry. Alhamdullilah, everything went smoothly. It was quite a preparation for me: mental, physical, emotional and spiritual...I prayed hard and dua so that my brain stay awake and alert to deliver this critical presentation.

Alhamdullilah, the Almightly granted my request. A sudden surge of energy rushed in despite of my hire-wire state of body and mind. All the back-up and moral support from fellow colleagues did help me a lot also to keep me on high spirit and positive mood. Some colleagues said to me to kick some butt during presentation. My response with a big smile on my face is simply ..."I wan't to get it over with and move on...". That set my spirit to face the challenges ahead on responsibility given to me.

The feedback I had from my fellow colleague who was there with me during the presentation, my presentation is just like story telling, very natural, very relaxing and create loads of interest...and some jokes make it lively too.. I didn't notice much what had I done. Obviuosly, I need the feedback from other to know what is good and what is not so that I can make continous improvement. But more importantly I just want to be myself to express humbly and honestly what I know and what I don't know and my thought. The remaining is up to the management for judgement.

Not to forget my lovely lil man and big man who are always there to understand what it takes for me to perform my duty being in demanding corporate world that I am with. At best, I try to balance personal and work life.... Good luck wish from both of them everytime that I have to perform my duty have eleviate my courage and confidence level.

2) While dressing up to work and a usual free show in the morning, I asked my big man if he miss his corporate world and if he ever wish that I be a housewife (taking care of the family in a conventional way). Similar question I asked once in a blue moon. Answer I got from him was..

"I don't miss my corporate world (a.k.a old office) but I miss being at work".

The next one was...

"I don't wish you to be a housewife as I do not have any idea what to talk about if my wife is a fulltime housewife..."

I received his answer with a smile...at least I know what his wish is. With him being at home and doing chores in the absence of our maid right now, I pity him and I don't want him to feel stressful about it. We can't have it all in life. We gain some and we lose some. As long as we live our live to the fullest..that is more important.

3) A brief meeting with Pak Payne, Kak Lil, Mama Rock, Pak Zabs and Jo over lunch time was a memorable one..more than word can express. SMS reminder from Jo in the morning while I was half awake...I thought it would be interesting to make a surprise to pop-in just like that since this is the first time to meet Jo & Mamarock in person and getting to know Pak Zabs... :-). Mamarock could spot me right on while I was wondering outside the lunch place at the same time having some conversation over mobile phone on some difficult question to answer.

Pak Payne introduced mamarock and I to Kak Lil (a lovely lady and warm at heart too).

To be honest, I am tergamam sikit...do not know how to get into the conversation..some conflict identity as blogger and meeting face to face as this is the first time meeting with slightly bigger crowd of fellow bloggers. I am slow at socialising at that moment. Prefer to be a listener rather than telling my story. But with time, if I could stay longer, I am sure I could go with the flow. Pak Payne being so lively at initiating conversation and sharing his stories, while Jo with ever smiling face...mama rock is so calm and rock too...Pak Zabs have many experiences and thought to share, I can tell..

Much more maybe feeling rush in my brain that I need to be back to office to attend to my bosses and still dead tired mentally and physically with jet-lag. How I wish I could switch off that feeling. Since I was back from Rio, I had not been to my head office due to the need to be in other company outfit. Only talked to my bosses over phone and sms. Promised to meet at around 2 pm I must keep to brief face to face on Rio's meeting outcome and yesterday's meeting as they need my input to plan for the next event.

I hate to leave the lovely group of fellow blogger's fren but I hope there will be more opportunity to meet again... and to continuosly be in touch. I realised that I totally forgot to thanks for the kelapa...

----------------
Now is 5 am. I had been up since 1 am this morning rising from sofa in living room. I dropped dead on sofa after arriving home from office at about 8:30 pm and simple yet fulfilling dinner prepared by big man. As I was driving home, he called me to ask my whereabout. I asked him if he needs me to buy food on my way back. He told me that he grilled chicken and prepared some salad. It might not be tasteful as he had forgotten how to cook. I told him that I am eager to eat his home cook. Indeed, I eat a lot...

Need to go for now...

Next, will share more pics on Rio...i.e.Copacabana, Ipenama, Corcovado, Sugar Loaf.. etc etc..

Anggerik Merah
5:15 am
August 21, 2008

---------

Update, 11 pm. August 21, 2008

Came back from office today, had dinner and went to zzz land for a couple hours. Something woke me up...while I am still pening2 lalat and on my way to toilet... my mobile rang. Big man answered....surprise...it was D (pause and reflect).... I am so happy to hear her voice.

We connected and we talked for a while... and it was an exciting conversation we had...shared some bits and pieces the happening... it really make my night brighter!

Thanks D...and you take care. Allah wills we will meet somewhere.....Looking forward to read your own books in the future.

This week is a blessing for me...so many blogger's fren that I had connected with.... but I wish to remain with my identity as Anggerik Merah in this space..

My baby

My baby aka lil man is celebrating his 12th birthday today. He has grown up to be a teenager, yet still a baby to us.

Happy birthday darling... and I love you so much..

Mama

August 17, 2008

Journey-Rio 1

Now is 7:30 am Rio De Janeiro time. It is 13 hours different from home time. We arrived last night at about 8 pm after a 12 hour journey from KLIA to CDG, Paris, 4 hours transit and another 11 hours from CDG to Rio. I managed to get good sleep from KLIA as I told the stewardest that I skipped the late dinner. I need to save some energy as I expected I would be very tired with economy class from CDG to Rio.

At CDG, while on transit, I picked up a couple of fridge magnet from shop and had I nice hot milestrone soup. Still felt my tounge a bit burn with that hot soup till now. I did not at all do much reading in the flight except with some flight magazine. Hence, the book on The Last Lecture by Randy Paush was remained not finished. While in lounge area in CDG, I snapped a few pictures of airport new wing at terminal 2E. I thouch it is very nice architecture, a combinaton of half dome glass and wood strike in between. Open to the sky...blue or bright gloomy. Yesterday was slightly bright sky. Energy saving architecture.

With economy class cabin on Air France to Rio, I tried to close my eyes as much as I could. It was an intermittement sleep as the cabin was quite noisy with several languages...portuguese, spanish, french.. The leg space was quite cramp. Nevertheless, I am glad that my earlier rest in MAS did help me. Forget about reading anything...that went 11 hours journey.

Arrived in Rio, it took quite q while for us to get our luggage. Surprised to see my Carlton bag was dented, slight deform on the hard case side. A taxi was chartered by the this country's giant company, waiting to pick us up. A name written on placard was misleading as the first name of my colleague was wrongly written. We had to make sure, it was meant to us. With loads of advise from friend we have to be extra careful with safety in this country. We arrived at Ceaser Park Ipanema hotel, facing the seaside, not very far from Copacabana as in the map.

I settled in the room, unpack my things and had a nice hot shower to return to refreshing mode. I tried to fight the jet-lag only until 9:30 am, then went to bed. I woke up at around 12:30 am thinking that it was early morning (i.e. 6 am). Well, I con't go back to sleep. Get on to internet, check email, send email, and and read news. I did browse thru the hotel booklet to find-out what they offered. So many safety precautions from bringing out only necessary valubles up to how to lock the door etc etc... Wow...serious precaution! I don't dare to go out at night even with my colleagues.

I went back to sleep thinking how to plan a day today so that I could be more effective in the day and fight the jet-lag as in the next 3 day of meeting I will be fully alert. Wondering around town with tourist guide is in my mind. I had a dream of it.... but in that dream, I was in Japan...

I was in touch with big man thru SMS as I miss spending my weekend with both men I dearly love. Big man had to attend my ex-boss's daughter wedding and met old friends there. My mind could not help to think about next weekend as I will be back just on time my lil man's birthday. I had reserved two tickets for Disney on Ice High School concert for both of them for Sunday afternoon show. Since earlier plan I was supposed to be back on Monday morning, I could not be there for the show. Big man asked me if I wish to join lil man for the show...if only I don't feel like sleeping... Most likely I will be enjoying my sleep on Sunday next week.

Signing off for now...

Anggerik merah
Ceaser Park hotel, Rio De Janeiro
7:44 am
August 11, 2008

Hidden pain

I didn’t remember when the last time I really burst into tears. To cry is good..At this time as I woke up for my prayer, I could not help it…the pain which I try to hide, it is burst out in this peaceful morning hours while others are in their dream land.

I manage to hide and suppress pain inside me very well for many many months, just for reasons that I want to bring back the positive in me and pull all the strength, to be back on my feet. To some extend it make me to be bold enough keep continue with life…accepting what is coming and live in a moment of time.

But the burden that I carry on is so hard on my shoulder… I bleed inside whenever I remember about my unfinished commitment that I still carry with me and whenever someone ask me or call me with the title. Sometimes I kept on thinking why it is so hard for me to get it through. I am grateful to Almighty to see all my friends had finally got through it.

Every time in my prayer, I kept on asking HIM to make it easy for all my friends and I to get through it. Alhamdullilah, most of friends that I know finally succeeding after the hard work and sacrifice. I am so happy for them and I dance to joy to hear good news about them. It also helps to keep giving me that strength to see it through the end. But so much that I have to take on board and I felt that I don’t have much energy to get to the finish line sometimes.

Nevertheless, it is not in my vocabulary of life that I will not be able to get through it. It just that so many obstacles that I had to pass through in life of which I had to set priority.

I pray to HIM to give me all the strength, peace of mind and barakah to reach to the end….AMIN.

Only HE knows what is in my small mind and heart…

Coming from heart and soul,

Anggerik merah
August 9, 20008
3:30 am

Note:

I will be on the jet plane from tonight. Will only be back next Sunday. Total travelling time will be more than 24 hours. I set my mind to enjoy the journey and may Allah keep me fit to accomplish whatever I have to accomplaish there. It will be a short trip as I have to cut short my stay to rush back home for a very important presentation to the top most committee....

Whenever all critical things to accomplish will happen almost at the same time...I try to just smile and take it as it comes... No more expected to be all perfect...more like enjoy the cruise and be who I am...

Update: August 9, 2008...

wake up in the morning feel fresher as battle with PMS is over... Whenever body hormone take control of body & mind, everything appears to be impossible to accomplish. Simple things can be forgotten, body and mind coordination goes hire-wire. Prefer to be alone in own world...hate socialising. Do not argue as I am always right and do it my way. I can be a lion king at no time...

another bit & pieces

My dear friends, my previous entry trigger loads of concern about my health. Insyaallah, I will keep remembering my current state of health and all your advice. Will take it easy as much as I could.

I was in Awana Genting for the last 3 days...another workshop gathering of technical fraternity within company. Over 200 participants. The workshop was a combination of technical presentations for 1.5 days and team building for 1 day. As usual night activities was filled with BBQ dinner, recap of last year event, karaoke, group performance for the purpose of networking.

My main function was to moderate one of the technical sessions. As usual, I always actively participate in the group performance. This time around, again a Kuck Kuch Ho ta Hei bollywood team the song given to our group. Within short time or group manage to cook-up something for performance. One young lady in our group help to direct our 2 minutes performance. So there I go...dancing the bollywood to kick start the drama....good to loose up the shoulder and chest...you know the kind of goyang...whatever people call it. Good exercise too!

Moderating the technical session went well...as I tried to make it a bit semi-formal to trigger discussion.

Yes, I have not fully recovered from the effect of fever I had 2 weeks ago. The join pain is still there. Still a bit of coughing which doesn't want to go away. I got tired very fast. Nevertheless, I try to take it easy. I must keep fit for the next business assignment which I have to travel again for quite a long distance. 12 hours to Paris, then another connecting flight for 11 hours to South America.

My 2 weekends will be sacrificed starting this saturday for work related matters. I realise, travelling for work related is not anymore something that I am looking forward as compared to my young days. But again...it comes with the job function with specific objective to achieve...What I need is the energy to be able to accomplish the task. At this point I have no subordinate to delegate since this area is very new for the company. The kick-start is my responsibility that I have to shoulder.

Both big man and lil man have to bare with me with my missing in action... Not sure what choice do I have right now if I were to stay less hectic with work. I pray that the situation would be better when everything is in place once I have subordinate and the project gets going. Still many challenges ahead that I have to face...for every success there are several frustrations along the way...

I need to go to sleep now... Will keep writing when ever I have the opportunity.

Anggerik Merah
August 6, 2008
11:00 pm

Not surviving the storm but dance in the rain...

Exactly a month ago (June 30, 2008: 11:oo pm), I was packing my things for a business trip to Japan. I took my mobile from my office handbag and noticed one missed call from old friends sent in at 10:20 om. The message read

"Assalamualaikum...to let you know that Dr. M passed away a couple hours ago after sudden collapsed at KLCC..."

My heart beating fast the moment I read that message. Tried to reach my friend to know detail, but not successful... I told big man about the news as big man also knew Dr. M well. Immdeiately big man warned me. "Dr. M was a very hardworking person. He will continue his work at home once the children goes to sleep. See what happen to him. Just in split second he was gone."

I could not say anything more as I was shocked. Just 2 weeks before this incident, I had some false alarm which scared me. After lunch with friends in office cafeteria, my friends and I walked back to office. As we entered the office door, suddently I had this surge of fast heart-beat. I almost felt as if I would faint. But queitly I control myself and kept silence. I would not want to tell my two other friends who were walking with me at that time. I rushed to my chair and tried to calm down. Then I went to my other lady friend to let her know how I felt at that time and asked her to look after me in case I fainted. It was very scary to have that sudden change in heart beat. And I could not figure out the reason. Following that blood test was done on me, good to know that generally I am health with the some slight increase in cholesterol level. But doctor said that is not something to worry...

With the sudden death of Dr. M, it is a wake up call for all of the at the office... to keep a healthy life style... but most of the time work stress is unavoidable. We must knowhow to manage it well. The sudden demise of Dr M is a big lost. He is a very nice person...friendly and we can always count on him to sort out some difficult problem... But when our time is up... not a single minute will be delayed.

Another interesting story....one day my big man told me that he was in conversation with someone at the wet market. The person asked him why seldom seing me...Big man told him that my wife always travel for business. Then that person ask big man why don't he marry another one. Big man told him that if he really wanted to marry another one, he would have done it when we both separated for almost 4 years when I was in UK.... So I gave my big man a big smile ..

---------------------
A very touching story indeed...I received this forwarded email...Something to ponder...

How to Dance in the Rain

It was a busy morning, about 8:30, when an elderly gentleman in his 80's arrived to have stitches removed from his thumb. He said he was in a hurry as he had an appointment at 9:00 am. I took his vital signs and had him take a seat, knowing it would be over an hour before someone would to able to see him. I saw him looking at his watch and decided, since I was not busy with another patient, I would evaluate his wound.

On exam, it was well healed, so I talked to one of the doctors, got the needed supplies to remove his sutures and redress his wound. While taking care of his wound, I asked him if he had another doctor'sappointment this morning, as he was in such a hurry. The gentleman told me no, that he needed to go to the nursing home to eat breakfast with his wife. I inquired as to her health. He told me that she had been there for a while and that she was a victim of Alzheimer's Disease.

As we talked, I asked if she would be upset if he was a bit late. He replied that she no longer knew who he was, that she had not recognized him in five years now.

I was surprised, and asked him, 'And you still go every morning, even though she doesn't know who you are?' He smiled as he patted my hand and said, 'She doesn't know me, but I still know who she is.'

I had to hold back tears as he left, I had goose bumps on my arm, and thought.

'That is the kind of love I want in my life.' True love is neither physical, nor romantic.

True love is an acceptance of all that is, has been, will be, and will not be.

With all the jokes and fun that are in e-mails, sometimes there is one that comes along that has an important message. This one I thought I could share with you.

The happiest people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the best of everything they have.

I hope you share this with someone you care about. I just did.

'Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain.'

--------------

Anggerik Merah
11:32 pm
July 30, 2008

Another year has passed...

Anggerik at level 5 lobby of Hilton Schipol Airport, Amsterdam

Muhammad Adib Zikri, my lil sister's fourth son..now 3.5months. We called him "MAT SENGEH" as he is all the time smile...
Marissa Atifah, 4 year old, share the same date of birth with me. She is my lil sister's second child, i.e Adib's big sister
A white chocholate Mecadamia b'day cake from Lil man and big man. Lil man chose the cake and big man pay for it...Thanks to both beloved man in my life.

Yes, today 23 July 2008, another year pf my life has passed. I am blessed with what Allah has installed for me in this life.

Despite of my not in the pink of health, I am thankful to Allah for many things.


Happy birthday to Marissa Atifah & Mak long Anggerik Merah.

Anggerik Merah
July 23, 2008
11:16 pm

What money can buy...

I was at one of the talk organised within company on matters related to EQ...

Something interesting to ponder as my take away from that session

MONEY CAN BUY HOUSE BUT NOT HOME

MONEY CAN BUY BED BUT NOT SLEEP

MONEY CAN BUY CLOCK BUT NOT TIME

MONEY CAN BUY BOOK BUT NOT KNOWLEDGE

MONEY CAN BUY FOOD BUT NOT APPETITE

MONEY CAN BUY STATUS BUT NOT RESPECT

MONEY CAN BUY BLOOD BUT NOT LIFE

MONEY CAN BUY MEDICINE BUT NOT HEALTH

MONEY CAN BUY SEX BUT NOT LOVE

Sustainable happiness and sense of personal balance are derived from internal (intangible) qualities rather than external (tangible) assets.
---------------------

I am knocked down by viral fever for the last 3 days. I am attached to my bed most of the time. All joins are acking.

AM

July 20, 2008

10:30 pm

Overdue

Opppp....my entry is already overdue by 2 weeks. Back from Chiba and a short 3 hours wondering around AKASUKA was so fast leaving my memory. Too much going on everyday and I don't even have time to transfer some pictures taken.

After came back...presentation to VP, presentation to community of practice, write report on trip, and many many more.....more to come...never ending. Just take it one at a time...that is my philosophy. If I need to hide away...I will do.

Just like today.. with office attire I work at home to prepare for another talk on Thursday. Strategise what to say in my brain...things that I had not done for for sometimes. Need some recall and reading on the subject matter. But I must admit, I like it...the etchnical presentation I mean... better than presentation to Management which always ask about value creation...and value creation all the time. I am bored with the same questions...People under Technology and Research Management needs those thing from us...poor fellow researchers and I must admit a low paid brain too...

BTW, I will be travelling again mid of next month. This time very far. I better enjoy it....work hard/smart and enjoy/play hard too..

AM

July 15
9 pm

Ketulusan hati

Weird that everytime I want to start writing in blog, my fingers just don't want to click. Not like before where words by words flow like a stream... Anyway... I will be travelling again. This is not in my work plan. My name surfaced up to replace my immediate bos since he could not make it for this trip.

I am not sure if I am lucky or unlucky. I could say...lucky to be able to have a chance to visit "negeri matahari terbit" again. It was only during my student time, some decades ago that I had a bit of chance to put my feet in the country. The unlucky part or rather a stretch part is to figure out what am I supposed to contribute to this trip and what is expected out of me. I need to prepare upfront as I don't like to do things last minute. Anyway, I manage to figure it out after sitting down with my bigger bos and colleague....

The truth is that I feel that I am a bit dragging myself offlate. Most of the time I felt that my physical fitness is a bit deteriorating. I am avoiding from seeing doctor to figure out what is wrong with me. I had been to SPA treatment last week and make extra effort on cycling. Normally I could bounce back and refresh. But this time, it does not really feel like that. Last weekend I figured out that my blood pressure went low again for whatever reason. Anyway, tomorrow I am suppose to force myself to go to clinic...see what happen.
______________________

A note of update. June 29, 2009

Obviously doctor suspected gaut, athritis and those that related to it. Have to wait for blood test result next week to confirm. I had to rest and do nothing at home for a while to entertain some paints in the joints. A feeling which I triedto ignore for quite a while. But I can't tolerate it as I feel somewthat weeker than usual regardless of my spa treatment, exercises etc. Nevertheless, our family did get out last night after maghrib to wonder around town. On the way back we picked up several DVD from the shop.

I cycle for 10 km this morning to get some sweat out. The weather is so pleasant.
This afternoon, I set on to watch "THE FEAST OF LOVE". It is a lovely movie featuring Morgan Freeman. Touch my heart! Really beautiful story...

I hope I could bare with sensation and paint while travelling through out weekend. I have to be a bit more careful with my diet. Medication given by the doctor should help in case I need it. So far, I try not to depend on it.

I am off till next week.

_______________________

BTW, last 2 weeks I was invited to get together with Sheila Majid at Jentayu Spa. It was exciting to meet Sheila. Will post her pic next time.

I will set a target to write entry in blog minimum once a week. I.e. 4 entry/month.

Lovely song about Ketulusan hati...

Cintaku tak berdusta
Tak mengenal ingkar
Tak kenal nestapa
Cintaku hanya indah
Hanya bahagia untuk selamanya
Apa yang kurasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau biarkan kasihku

Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis hanya tulusnya hati
mencintaimu tak mengenal ragu
keyakinan hatiku hanya untuk dirimu selalu

Cintaku tak berdusta
Tak mengenal ingkar
Tak kenal nestapa
Tak ada seribu janji
Hanya bahagia untu selamanya
Apa yang kurasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau benarkan kasihku

Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis hanya tulusnya hati
Mencintaimu tak mengenal ragu
Keyakinan hatiku hanya untuk dirimu selalu
Apa yang kurasakan ini
Persembahan untuk dirimu
Kau dengarkan kasihku

oooo
Mencintaimu tak mengenal waktu
Tak mengenal puitis hanya tulusnya hati
Mencintaimu tak mengenal ragu
Keyakinan hatiku hanya untuk dirimu selalu

-------
Note:
Pic 1: seaside in front of Ayorda Resort, Nusa Dua, Bali
Pic 2: big man and I

Anggerikmerah
June 28 2008

1:30 am

Sharing life

June 18....

We have been blessed by ALMIGHTY for the life that we share until this moment...

Happy 20th Wedding anniversary to Anggerik Merah and his beloved big man...

Thanks for a lovely new ring...

Anggerik Merah

June 18, 2008

On route to Stavanger... & unstructured thots

I am very happy for all my friends who struggled along the way to get to finishing line. I always dua in my prayer for Almighty to make it easy for me and all my friends. Meeting my supervisor in KL last week had somehow strengthened my desire to get to finishing line on my correction. I explained to him the reason of my putting it on hold. I make a promise to him that I will let him know how much progress I am making in 1 month. The entire plan had been laid out in my mind. I know a lot of struggle to get it back on track. But Insyaallah with determination and desire and good health…and God will.. I will make it through.

All the ups and downs that I had been through is more than enough to bring me back to live in reality… But I know that I have to close my eyes and my mind for some that I can put on hold temporarily.

I have to make closure on the things that happen to me at office. I have to accept all that to move on. If it meant to be that way…just accept it and move on…. This has to be repeated many many times so that it stays in my mind.

There are certain things in life which is not meant to be ours…let it be then. No use to fight for it.. let it go. Many other part of life which is important to take care.

I recall and ponder the incident that I was trapped in between main door and grill last week in the midth of heading to office to discuss my future plan for career development. Things that happen may have reason. For now I want to pause and do not rush for anything. Let the time comes. I should be handling some other pressing matter in life at this moment. Things that I can ignore, I will ignore.

Many things I realize offlate…I had been given myself too much for others and ignore my own needs. I am paying back to do good to myself.

Good to let something out of mind and chest…even if what I have written here is purely garbage..unstructured thought…But again..this is my space to do just to that…

I am now switching my mind to lovely pictures I collected on route to Stavanger from Bergen through 5 hours boat rides….




Nowdays, I leave early to office to beat the traffic and come back home early too. I am programming my mind to say that staying late at office only do good to my company but no good to me. It has to stay that way. I know that I am a night person... my brain work best for thinking, reading and writing in the evening... I need this for my other committment.

This motivational word by sis Zabrina.... hopefully will help me to find a closure on my unstructured thots

http://wisdomthruwords.blogspot.com/2008/05/story-of-mr-toothbrush-and-mr-toilet.html

Switching off,

Anggerik merah

June 10, 2008